Category: Rude & Risque

For those who like their humor a bit more PG-13, this section is littered with customers who are not afraid to walk on the more brazen side, or act downright gross-out disgusting. Be warned though that toilet humor sometimes literally takes place in the toilet.

More Pressing Issues

| Fayetteville, AR, USA | Rude & Risque

(I am a female employee at a sporting goods store. A elderly male with a noticeable limp comes in.)

Me: “Hello, can I help you find anything?”

Customer: “Yes. I need something for support.”

Me: “Oh, yes, we keep all of the supporters on this wall.”

(I indicate the various supporters: knees, shins, etc. He begins to look at the different kinds, before picking up a simple knee strap that is basically a thin velcro band. He opens and examines it.)

Customer: “So this just straps around?”

Me: “Yes, sir. It’s got velcro on the back so you can adjust the size and fasten it.”

(There is a long pause as he looks like he’s trying to figure out how it works.)

Customer: “So, how does this protect the testicles?”

(I promptly direct him towards the cups and find a male employee to help him.)

Homophones Are Never As Satisfying

| Toronto, Canada | Books & Reading, Rude & Risque

Customer: “Excuse me, do you have any copies of Sexadon?”

Me: “Do you mean Sex At Dawn? It’s a bestseller.”

Customer: “No, I’m pretty sure the one I want is titled Sexadon. You know, like the dinosaur of sex?”

(For the heck of it, I double-check our inventory, the Books In Print index, and all the Amazons. There is no book called Sexadon.)

Customer: *disappointed* “Man, I really thought that was the title.”

(In the end, he bought Sex At Dawn, but clearly wasn’t happy about it!)

Related:
Of All The Moments For Freud To Slip

Not A Measure Of Intelligence

| New Hampshire, USA | Rude & Risque

(I am helping a customer load some insulation. We were unsure if it would fit. This occurs after it did, in fact, fit.)

Customer: “The insulation fit by like that much huh?”

(The customer holds out hands gesturing about a foot in length.)

Me: “Yeah, I guess so!”

Customer: “Wanna know how I knew it would fit?”

Me: “How?”

Customer: “Because that’s the size of my c–”

Me: “OKAY! Have a good day!”

The Genie Ate The Punchline

| Christchurch, New Zealand | Rude & Risque

(I am ringing up a customer and he is ready to pay by credit card. I hold my hand out to swipe his card for him, but he refuses.)

Customer: “Oh, no, let me swipe it!”

Me: “Okay, right down there when you’re ready.”

Customer: “It’s a bit hard to handle.”

(I say nothing and finish the transaction.)

Customer: “You just have to know how to stroke it the right way, you know?”

Me: “Uh, yeah. Sure!”

Customer: “It’s funny, because it sounds sexual.”

Getting Pork(ed)

| Massachusetts, USA | Food & Drink, Rude & Risque

Customer: “I would like a pound of vagina ham.”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “A pound of vagina ham, please!”

Me: “Don’t you mean Virginia ham?”

Customer: “Virginia ham, vagina ham, whatever! Just give me a pound of it.”

Me: “Anything else?”

Customer: “Yeah, slice it real nice.”

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