November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

Category: Rude & Risque

For those who like their humor a bit more PG-13, this section is littered with customers who are not afraid to walk on the more brazen side, or act downright gross-out disgusting. Be warned though that toilet humor sometimes literally takes place in the toilet.

It Blows Hard

| Bismarck, ND, USA | Rude & Risque

(I am working at the counter of a slushie shop in our mall.)

Me: “What’s all the hustle about out there?”

Customer: “Oh, they brought in the coolest thing this morning. It’s a hurricane stimulator!”

Me: “A stimulator?”

Customer: “Yes, it stimulates hurricanes! You have to try it out.”

Me: “I’ll be sure to do that. Have a nice day!”

Customer: “Oh, I will! That hurricane stimulated me to the max!”

I Can Be Anything I Want

, | Massachusetts, USA | Family & Kids, Rude & Risque

Customer: “Do you sell stripper costumes?”

Me: “Sorry?”

Customer: “Stripper or hooker, whatever. I need it for a Halloween costume party.”

(I assume she’s dressing up herself in a party for adults.)

Me: “Why don’t you just go to a lingerie store? Or perhaps an adult store?”

Customer: “Well, they won’t be selling sizes that fit my kid. She’s six.”

See this story as a comic!

Similar Tool, Different Outcome

| Minneapolis, MN, USA | Rude & Risque

(I am working at an Arts and Crafts store. I am talking to a coworker when I see an older woman come up to the counter.)

Me: “Hi, can I help you find something?”

Customer: “Yes, do you have anything I can use to shave balls? ”

(There is an awkward silence between the customer and I while I process what she is asking her. Finally, she chimes in, elaborating.)

Customer: “Off of sweaters?”

(I realize that she is talking about a device to remove sweater pills, the little fuzzy dots that sometimes appear after washing.)

Me: “Oh! This way please.”

(I take her over to the yarn section and help her find what she is looking for. I walk back over to my coworker.)

Me: “Is it just me or did it sound like she was asking for–”

Coworker: “Yeah, it definitely did!”

Keep That Style To Yourself

, | Stockton, CA, USA | Food & Drink, Rude & Risque

(I take orders at a fast food restaurant. We have a secret menu with special type of fry we call “animal style”, which is pretty popular. A customer walks up.)

Me: “Hi, how are you doing today? How may I help you?”

Customer: “I have heard about this secret style french fry you guys make. Could I have one order of french fries, doggy style, please?”

Me: “Um…do you mean animal style fries?”

Customer: *turning red* “Yeah, that’s what I meant.”

The Horrors Of Mispronunciation, Part 4
The Horrors Of Mispronunciation, Part 3
The Horrors Of Mispronunciation, Part 2
The Horrors Of Mispronunciation

Identifiers Are For Life

| Des Moines, IA, USA | Rude & Risque, Technology

(Customers can come into the store to buy books, or they can create an account with an e-mail address and purchase books online. The account is your email address and whatever password they choose. A customer and his girlfriend come up the service desk.)

Me: “How may I help you today?”

Customer: “I can’t access my online account.”

Me: “Okay, I can help. What is your e-mail address?”

Customer: “Um…” *stares at the floor*

Me: “Sir? Your email address?”

Customer: *quietly says something*

Me: “I’m sorry, I couldn’t hear you. Could you repeat that please?”

(By now, other customers are waiting for assistance. Suddenly, the customer shouts his email address, loud enough for everyone to hear.)

Customer: “Im-a-whore@[ISP].com!”