Category: Rude & Risque

For those who like their humor a bit more PG-13, this section is littered with customers who are not afraid to walk on the more brazen side, or act downright gross-out disgusting. Be warned though that toilet humor sometimes literally takes place in the toilet.

Stripped Of Your Cash

| Tampa, FL, USA | Money, Rude & Risque

(The cardholder sounds very very drunk.)

Caller: “Why did you let the card take out $5,000?”

Me: “It shows that you did an ATM withdrawal for $5,000 in Las Vegas, NV. Was this you?”

Caller: “No! It was the stripper she took it. She took it! Why did you let her take it?”

Me: “Your card was stolen by a stripper?”

Caller: “No, no, no! Why aren’t you listening to me?”

Me: “Sir, I don’t understand. What happened?”

Caller: “I wanted a lap dance. So, I gave the stripper my card and PIN number to get money.”

Me: “You gave her your card and PIN and told her to get $5000?”

Caller: “No! Why aren’t you listening to me? I told the stripper to get $300 for my lap dance.”

Me: “So, she took too much money?”

Caller: “Why did you let her? When is she coming back? I want my lap dance.”

(This goes on for a little while with the caller slurring his speech and stuttering.)

Caller: “Why won’t you help me?”

Me: “What would you like me to do?”

Caller: “Fine! Don’t help me. I’ll go back to the tables and win back my fortune!”

In Some Cultures, The Conch Is Blown For Good Luck

| Winter Park, FL, USA | At The Checkout, Rude & Risque

(A lady comes through my checkout line with some frozen conch chowder.)

Me: “I’ve never tried this chowder before. Is it any good?”

Customer: *loudly* “Oh, yes! I just love cock! That’s how you say it, right? Cock?”

Me: “Ma’am, I think its pronounced conch…”

Customer Service Speaks Your Language

| Clearwater, FL, USA | Rude & Risque

(A customer calls on phone asking for directions.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [travel agency], how may I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, I need to pick up my friend getting off the bus depot. Where are you located?

Me: “We are 1/2 mile east of [road], across the street from [sports bar].”

Customer: “What’s that? Could you spell that for me?”

(I proceed to spell the name of the establishment.)

Customer: “Oh, [sports bar]. You should have just said ‘boobies’! That would have been much faster.”

A Job Well Blown

| Bowling Green, KY, USA | Rude & Risque

(Our store has just installed new, more powerful hand dryers in the restrooms. I am using one when a customer comes up behind me.)

Customer: “These things give pretty powerful blow jobs, huh?”

Me: “Yeah, never heard that before.”

Customer: “I need a good blow job like that!”

Me: *hurriedly leaves the restroom*

Related:
Too Much Information, Part 6
Way, Way, Way Too Much Information
Way, Way Too Much Information

So Good It’s Not Even There

| Netherlands | Rude & Risque

Me: “Thanks for calling [store], this is [name]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Hello, I just wanted to know whether you have any topless bikinis?”

Me: “I’m sorry, strapless bikinis, you mean?”

Customer: “Yes, topless bikinis! Do you have any?”

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