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  • Holy Guacamole, Get Off The Phone!
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  • May Theme Of The Month: Movie Mayhem!

    Category: Rude & Risque

    For those who like their humor a bit more PG-13, this section is littered with customers who are not afraid to walk on the more brazen side, or act downright gross-out disgusting. Be warned though that toilet humor sometimes literally takes place in the toilet.

    Buttbox

    | Avon, CT, USA | Rude & Risque, Technology, Theme Of The Month

    Me: “Thank you for calling [Retail Store]. How may I assist you?”

    Young Male Caller: “Yeah, do you guys got any purple XBox’s?”

    Me: *not sure if prank or real* “No. I’m sorry, sir, but there are a lot of online sites that offer custom paint jobs for consoles!”

    Young Male Caller: “Well, do you think they would be able to put a picture of my butt on one?”

    Me: *now convinced it’s a prank* “Well, I’m not sure if the image will fit but I’m sure they can try!”

    Young Male Caller: *click*

    Prank Calls Of Urban Legend

    | WI, USA | Books & Reading, Rude & Risque, Theme Of The Month

    (I’ve taken a lot of weird calls over the years and have looked up a lot of strange books and have always maintained a level of professionalism, but this almost broke me.)

    Customer: *older male voice, with a slightly southern accent* “I’m a disabled veteran and need help getting some books.”

    Me: “Okay, what are you looking for?”

    Customer: “Well, I really like… uh… stuff with ‘urban’ women in them.”

    Me: “Ooooookaaay. Um, we’ve got an urban fiction section.”

    Customer: “Oh, good. See, I’m a disabled veteran, and I can’t move around that well, so would you pick some out for me?”

    Me: *getting progressively more uncomfortable* “Well, I…”

    Customer: “I like the urban books because I like black women. I like the way they smell.”

    Me: “…uh.”

    Customer: *breaks into laughter* “Sorry, [My Name], I’m just f***in’ with you. That was great though, you were serious the whole time!”

    Me: “I hate you.”

    Should Have Put A Lid On It

    , | FL, USA | Food & Drink, Language & Words, Rude & Risque

    (The customer enters the restaurant and looks confused. I take his order and notice he often mumbles words to himself. Once he is done ordering I hand him his cups which he goes to fill up and once he comes back, I notice he has a lid on only one cup.)

    Me: “Sir, do you need a lid for that second drink?”

    Customer: *thinks for a moment* “Nah, I already blew my lid this morning.” *walks away*

    Something Stinks About The Address

    | Orem, UT, USA | Language & Words, Rude & Risque, Technology

    (As cashiers, we’re required to ask for emails at the end of a purchase. Customers can decline, and it’s no problem for us to bypass the email capture screen. I’ve just finished up ringing a young woman and her boyfriend.)

    Me: “Perfect, we’re almost done! Could I just enter your email?”

    Customer: “Sure. It’s [email protected]

    Me: *typing it in without thinking* “All right, if you could just verify the email below on the card reader— oh.”

    Boyfriend: *snickers*

    Me: “I guess that’ll be a ‘no, thank you’ on the email then…”

    Has A Load Of Explaining To Do

    | MI, USA | At The Checkout, Language & Words, Rude & Risque

    (I am helping an older couple buy lottery tickets. They have a ten dollar bill, and their total is at nine dollars.)

    Wife: “Why not get one more 1$ dollar ticket. I’ll blow my load!”

    (I am thinking: do not laugh at that! You are an adult. That was an innocent statement meaning she’ll spend all her money. Maintain composure! Unfortunately she says it again, and the husband and I make eye contact and die laughing.)

    Husband: *mutters* “It means something different these days; I’ll explain on the way home.”

    (I can only imagine what that conversation was like!)

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