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    Category: Rude & Risque

    For those who like their humor a bit more PG-13, this section is littered with customers who are not afraid to walk on the more brazen side, or act downright gross-out disgusting. Be warned though that toilet humor sometimes literally takes place in the toilet.

    Cold Callers Versus Hot Heads

    | Yorkshire, England, UK | Bad Behavior, Rude & Risque

    (It is my first week of cold calling people to try to encourage them to buy a kitchen or windows. I do not want to be there, but I need the money.)

    Me: “Hello, am I speaking to the home owner?”

    Customer #1: “Yes?”

    Me: “I’m calling from [Company] to see if [launch into selling script]. So. do you think—”

    Customer #1: “DON’T YOU KNOW MY MOTHER HAS JUST DIED?!” *slams down phone*

    Me: “… No?”

    (I put her on to the don’t call back list despite the fact we’re not meant to do that unless they specifically ask us to because I feel sorry for her despite her rudeness, and let the automated dialer tick to the next cold call.)

    Me: “Hello, am I speaking to the home owner?”

    Customer #2: “Yes, you are. Who is this?”

    Me: “I’m calling from [Company] to see if [launch into selling script]. So. do you think that might be something you’re interested in?”

    Customer #2: “You know, you don’t have to do this. You could go back to college, educate yourself, and get a proper job. You don’t have to waste your life in a call centre.”

    Me: “Sir, I’m studying neurobiology at university.”

    Customer #2: “Oh, well, uh, no. I’m not interested. Sorry. Please remove me from the list. Good luck.”

    (Again, I put him on the no call back list then let the dialer click on…)

    Me: “Hello, am I speaking to the home owner?”

    Customer: *sighs* “Yes…”

    Me: “I’m calling from [Company] to see if [launch into selling script]. So. do you think you might be interested?”

    Customer: “Actually, maybe. Tell me more. What does it involve?”

    (The customer gets me to answer loads of questions, sounds really interested, and I begin to hope my day might turn round and I might finally check off the measly £1 bonus for getting someone to book a visit for a quote.)

    Customer: “Brilliant, thank you for that. Can you do me one last favour?”

    Me: “Absolutely, sir!”

    Customer: “Good. Can you F*** OFF?!” *slams down the phone*

    (I put him on the urgent call back list, meaning he’ll be called the next day around lunch time, and if he’s still rude to whoever is unfortunate enough to get him they will probably do the exact same thing. If you’re going to be a jerk to cold callers, remember we are human beings, too. Politeness gets you much further and it costs nothing to say nicely ‘I’m not interested; please take me off your lists.’ I started job hunting that night and left three weeks later.)

    A Seedy CD

    | CT, USA | Crazy Requests, Rude & Risque, Technology

    (Part of the territory of working in a copy and print shop is you are going to see some ‘private’ photos sometimes. While you are allowed to refuse to print something you are uncomfortable with, most of us don’t care and just turn the print upside-down once done to avoid offending other customers. On this particular day, a regular customer comes in, who we all know manages a ‘gentleman’s club’ in town.)

    Customer: “Okay, the image is on this CD, it should be the only one there.”

    Me: “Okay. Let me just look at it on the computer before you go, so I know it’s the right one and it copied to the disk properly.”

    Customer: “Okay.”

    Me: *realizing immediately that I can’t describe this image in front of other customers* “Er… sir, do you want to come around the counter and look to make sure the image is correct?”

    Customer: *very loudly* “IS IT A MIDGET STRIPPING?”

    Me: “…  Yes. Yes, in fact, it is…”

    They Don’t Have Lines Like They Used To

    | AZ, USA | Crazy Requests, Rude & Risque

    (Our business is near a retirement community so we get a lot of senior citizens who come in for breakfast. As I’m cleaning tables a very elderly man in a walker approaches me and hands me a 20 dollar bill.)

    Me: “Um, thank you, sir. I’m sorry, but what is this for?”

    Customer: “Well, young lady, I was just telling my friend that they don’t make ‘em like they used to. But then you came along and made my day!”

    Me: “Oh, haha! Thanks that’s very sweet, but I can’t accept this.”

    Customer: “Nonsense! Get yourself a nice pair of black garters. You know, like Betty Page used to wear. Then you can give me a heart attack and I’ll die a happy man.”

    (He gives me a saucy wink and scoots off on his walker, leaving me holding the bill. I was left slightly perplexed, but I had to admire the old goat’s chutzpah.)

    Be-Wear Open Questions

    | Memphis, TN, USA | Bizarre, Rude & Risque

    (I work once a week at the help desk answering calls for students, alumni and guests. This exchange happened after I helped an elderly student change his password. Since this is my first day of work, I have a team leader shadowing my calls.)

    Me: “Is there anything else I can do for you today?”

    Client: “Yes, ma’am… Whatcha wearing this evening?”

    Team Leader: *muffled giggling*

    Me: *bewildered* “Uh… I’m sorry, what?”

    Client: “What are you wearing? I’m serious.”

    Me: *struggling to muffle my laughter* “Standard work clothes, sir.”

    Client: “Well, you shouldn’t be leaving yourself open to questions like that, little lady. It gets ya in trouble. You have a good day.” *hangs up*

    (I took myself out of the queue and my team leader and I spent a good five minutes laughing.)

    A Sheet Understanding Of Languages

    | Coral Springs, FL, USA | Language & Words, Rude & Risque

    (An elderly customer comes in with a manila folder filled with paper.)

    Me: “Hello! Can I help you?”

    Customer: “Yes, I need copy of… How do you say?”

    (It’s clear English isn’t his first language, so I get closer to listen.)

    Me: “What was that?”

    Customer: “Do you say…’piece of paper?’ or ‘sheet of paper?’”

    Me: “You can use either of them. Both are okay.”

    (The customer seems to understand, and hands me a sheet from the folder.)

    Customer: “This. I need five pieces of sheet.”

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