Category: Rude & Risque

For those who like their humor a bit more PG-13, this section is littered with customers who are not afraid to walk on the more brazen side, or act downright gross-out disgusting. Be warned though that toilet humor sometimes literally takes place in the toilet.

Spare Change For Cheap Thrills

| NJ, USA | At The Checkout, Rude & Risque

(I am a cashier in a grocery store. I have just rung up an elderly man’s groceries. Keep in mind this man is around 80 years old.)

Me: “Your total is $52.83, sir.”

Customer: *holds out hand full of change* “Can you pick out the right amount for me, honey?”

Me: “Sure.”

(I carefully start counting out change from his open hand.)

Customer: “It’s okay. I’ll let you touch my hand so I can get a thrill. Even at 80, I still get thrills, you know!”

Me: *speechless*

Not So Modest Aspirations

| Europe | Family & Kids, Rude & Risque

(I’m speaking with a three year old girl as I serve her mother.)

Me: “Do you like the pharmacy? Do you think you will be a pharmacist when you grow up?”

Girl: “No! I will be a dancer!”

Me: “Oh, a dancer! That’s nice! Like in a dance group?”

Girl: “No! On the pole!”

You’ve Got The Wrong(est) Make

| Detroit, MI, USA | Rude & Risque

(An elderly woman walks onto the lot from and begins asking me about a car.)

Me: “Hello, ma’am, what can I help you with today?”

Customer: “What can you tell me about this red car?”

Me: “This is a 1999 Volvo V70.”

Customer: “A Vulva! My grand-daughter has a vulva! Her boyfriend said he absolutely loves it!”

(I unsuccessfully try to keep a straight face.)

Me: “I’m sure he does, ma’am.”

Related:
You Got The Wrong(est) Item, Part 4
You Got The Wrong(est) Item, Part 3
You Got The Wrong(est) Item, Part 2

Cost-Benefit Analysis

, | Dalton, GA, USA | At The Checkout, Rude & Risque

(A customer comes in to pick up his Viagra prescription. I’m trying not to be awkward and ring him up as if it’s any other order.)

Me: “Hi, how may I help you?”

Customer: “My name is [name]. I need to pick up my prescription.”

Me: “That will be just a moment.”

(I get the man’s prescription and proceed to ring him up for it.)

Me: “Your total today comes out to [price].”

Customer: “What?!”

Me: *I repeat the price*

Customer: *mumbles* “Still cheaper than a hooker, I guess.” *pays and leaves*

The Silver (Bra) Lining

| Boston, MA, USA | Rude & Risque, Top

(I am a female nurse in a clinic and I share my shift with a rather handsome male nurse. On this particular day, a middle-aged regular patient comes in.)

Patient: “Hi, I’m here for my breast examination.”

Me: “Great, just follow me inside the examination room for your test.”

Patient: “Are you going to perform the test?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, I am.”

Patient: “Oh, I was hoping that the other nurse would do it.”

Me: “Well, I could ask him if you want me to.”

Patient: “Yeah, do that. Tell him I’m looking forward to it!”

Me: “Uh, okay! But I really think that you’ll be more comfortable if–”

Patient: “Let him touch me!”

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