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    Category: Rude & Risque

    For those who like their humor a bit more PG-13, this section is littered with customers who are not afraid to walk on the more brazen side, or act downright gross-out disgusting. Be warned though that toilet humor sometimes literally takes place in the toilet.

    Actually, There’s Probably An App For That, Part 2

    | Portland, OR, USA | Rude & Risque

    (An older gentleman is shopping for his first cell phone.)

    Customer: “I need a phone that rings loud. My hearing isn’t so good.”

    Me: “Well, this phone has vibrate mode so you can feel it ring.”

    Customer: “Vibrate? You mean like a vibrator?”

    Me: “Well, I suppose so, yes. But the warranty doesn’t cover liquid damage.”

    Related:
    Actually, There’s Probably An App For That

    Not Quite Streets Ahead

    | USA | At The Checkout, Funny Names, Rude & Risque

    (I am checking out a customer and taking their details.)

    Me: “Ma’am, what is your street name?”

    Customer: “I don’t really have one of those. I usually just go by Shanice.”

    Me: “Uh, ma’am, I meant the street name where you live.”

    Customer: “Oh, I knew that!”

    Source: Pope Michael

    When The Boob Tube Just Won’t Do

    | California, USA | Rude & Risque

    (I work at an office that has various different offices and 2 small studios for some of the graphic designers, movie editors, and musicians that work with us. I work as one of the tech support guys and am fixing the computer at the reception desk when a teenager walks in.)

    Customer: “Hey, do you work here?”

    Me: “Yeah, can I help you?”

    Customer: “So what do you guys do here?”

    Me: “Well everyone here does something different, I happen to be tech support.”

    Customer: “Cool, do they make movies here?”

    Me: “I’m not sure, they might.”

    Customer: “Right on, do you know what kind?”

    Me: “Well they have a green screen so I’m not sure.”

    Customer: “Do you know if they make any adult movies here?”

    Me: “Like I said I’m not sure, I’m not sure what they do in the studios.”

    Customer: “Can I take a tour?”

    Me: “Look, I’m the tech support guy, I’m not authorized to give
    you a tour.”

    Customer: “Come on, I’ll give you $5!”

    Me: “I’m not going to risk my job over $5.”

    Customer: “I swear, people like you make it hard for people like me to see boobies!”

    Knocking The Door Of Opportunity

    | Iowa, USA | Family & Kids, Rude & Risque, School

    Parent: "It’s ridiculous that I’m expected to give my information for my daughter to go to college. My parents didn’t pay for my college and I’m not paying for hers. I’m not giving it!"

    Me: "Sir, these are the federal government’s regulations. According to the government, until your daughter is 23, married, or has a dependent of her own, she needs to provide your financial information."

    Parent: "So, you’re saying if she gets married or knocked up, I don’t have to take care of her?"

    Me: "Um…technically, yes."

    Parent: *to daughter* "That’s it. You know what you have to do. You need to get pregnant now."

    Daughter: *looking mortified and whining to her father* "Daaaad!"

    Parent: "I’m serious. If you want to go to college then you’re throwing out your pills and getting yourself knocked up."

    A Smooth Transaction

    | Chesterfield, MI, USA | At The Checkout, Rude & Risque

    (Around 2 a.m, a man comes in and is searching up and down the aisle I am stocking.)

    Me: "Hello sir, can I help you find anything?"

    Customer: "No, it’s much too embarrassing to ask for."

    Me: "Okay, well let me know."

    (He walks away and continues searching. Five minutes later he’s back.)

    Customer: "I’ve decided I don’t care how embarrassing it is."

    Me: "Okay."

    Customer: "Where’s the lube!?"

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