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    Category: Rude & Risque

    For those who like their humor a bit more PG-13, this section is littered with customers who are not afraid to walk on the more brazen side, or act downright gross-out disgusting. Be warned though that toilet humor sometimes literally takes place in the toilet.

    Retired & Extremely Dangerous

    | Georgia, USA | Health & Body, Rude & Risque

    Me: “Thank you for call [Pharmacy], may I help you?”

    Elderly Female Customer: “I would like to get these two of my medications refilled and I want to pick them up tomorrow afternoon.”

    Me: “Okay ma’am, that will be fine. Is there anything else I can do for you?”

    Elderly Female Customer: “Honey, you can come to my house and do me anytime.”

    Me: “I, uh, oh, uh…”

    Elderly Female Customer: “I hope I didn’t offend you, but I’m old so I can say things like that!”

    DJ Freud, Featuring The Oedipus Complexes

    | Houston, TX, USA | Family & Kids, Funny Names, Rude & Risque

    (I work in the beauty department and a customer comes up to me).

    Customer: “I need a face wash for my son that will get rid of the semen on his face.”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “Are you deaf? He is too oily!”

    Me: “You mean sebum?”

    (The customer turns the brightest shade of red and runs out the store.)

    Will Power On Aisle 2

    | Canada | Rude & Risque

    Teenage girl: “Do you guys sell that contraceptive abstinence?”

    Me: “Abstinence?”

    Teenage girl: “Yeah! Abstinence! I read that it’s the only 100% way to not get pregnant!”

    Me: “That’s right. But, abstinence is to not have sex. Like abstain from.”

    Teenage girl: “Well, that just sucks!”

    Driving All Night Will Burn Rubber

    | New Brunswick, Canada | Food & Drink, Rude & Risque

    (A couple in a car comes through the drive through.)

    Me: “Hello, [Store Name], may I take your order?”

    Customer: “Do you know of anywhere around here that is open at this time of night, and sells condoms?”

    Me: “No, I’m sorry, everything is closed.”

    Customer: “Alright, thanks.”

    (The customer drives away, and comes back 15 minutes later.)

    Me: “Hello, [Store Name], may I take your order?”

    Customer: “Hi, could I have a blueberry muffin wrapped in lots and lots of plastic wrap?”

    The Frozen Wastes

    | Canada | Food & Drink, Rude & Risque, Top

    Customer: “Hello dear. Could you tell me where the bathrooms are?”

    Me: “Towards the back of the restaurant, behind the bar.”

    Customer: “Thank you.”

    (The customer goes away for a time and comes to find me later.)

    Customer: “Thank you again, dear, but you may want to change your bathroom decor. It looks a lot like a freezer.”

    Me: “Ma’am, our bathrooms look nothing like a freezer. They are normal bathrooms.”

    Customer: “Oh dear…”


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