Category: Rude & Risque

For those who like their humor a bit more PG-13, this section is littered with customers who are not afraid to walk on the more brazen side, or act downright gross-out disgusting. Be warned though that toilet humor sometimes literally takes place in the toilet.

Contents Need Not Be Revealed

| Orlando, FL, USA | Rude & Risque

(A customer walks in with an expensive 4G phone. It comes pre-loaded with the Iron Man 2 movie on the SD card.)

Me: “Welcome to [store]! How can I help you?”

Customer: “I have a problem. When I click on the Iron Man icon, it says ‘wrong memory card’. Why is that?”

Me: “Is that the original memory card that came with the phone?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “The movie is on the original memory card.”

Customer: “So, why isn’t it working?”

Me: “Because you changed memory cards.”

Customer: “Why’d I do that?”

Me: “I couldn’t tell you why you changed it.”

Customer: “Oh! This one had my porn!”

(The customer waves and walks out.)

Related:
Please, Say No More
Too Much Information, Part 6
Way, Way, Way Too Much Information
Way, Way Too Much Information
Way Too Much Information
TMI Redux
TMI (Too Much Information)

Vulgar Verbage

, | Colchester, CT, USA | Rude & Risque

(I am making casual conversation with a pleasant customer, who is however, somewhat odd. At some point, a coworker of mine joins the conversation.)

Customer: “Hey, those shirts look kinda tight on you guys.”

Me: “Yeah, the green sizes run smaller than the blue ones, I think.”

(The customer points to my coworker.)

Customer: “Yeah, her shirt is like, vagina-ing open on her chest.”

Accessories Are Contagious

| Philadelphia, PA, USA | Rude & Risque

(This happens just after a customer finishes purchasing a phone and is asking what accessories it comes with.)

Customer: “So this comes with an STD card, right?”

Me: “An SD card?”

Customer: *realizing what she said* “OH! I meant an SD card! Oh my God!”

The Not So Subliminal Erotica

| Jonesboro, AR, USA | Family & Kids, Rude & Risque

(A young boy approaches the check out desk with a DVD of classic cartoons featuring characters like Popeye, Felix the Cat, Woody Woodpeck, and Betty Boop. I proceed to quiz him to see if he knows the characters.)

Me: “Do you know this one?”

Child: “That’s Popeye!”

Me: “And this one?”

Child: “Woody Woodpecker!”

(He gets all of the ones right until my finger lands on Betty Boop.)

Me: “How about her?”

Child: *uncertain* “Um…”

Me: “It’s Betty Boop!”

(A look of instant recognition spreads across the child’s face.)

Child: “Oh yeah! My dad’s got naked pictures of her!”

A Dick By Any Other Name

| New Jersey, USA | Rude & Risque

Me: “May I have your name, please?”

Customer: “Why?”

Me: “When your order is ready to be collected, we call you by name.”

Customer: “I’m not giving you my name!”

Me: “Well, give me a name that we can refer to you by.”

Customer: “I’m not giving you my name!”

Me: “It doesn’t have to be your real name. I just need a name we can announce over the speaker so you know when to pick up your order.”

Customer: “Why would I respond to a name that’s not mine?”

Me: “Well, give us something that we can call you by.”

Customer: “Then, how would I remember that’s me?”

Me: “You can write it down.”

Customer: “Okay, call me Dick. I’m pretty sure I can remember that. I’ll be holding mine until you call.”

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