July Theme Of The Month: Great Timing!

Category: Rude & Risque

For those who like their humor a bit more PG-13, this section is littered with customers who are not afraid to walk on the more brazen side, or act downright gross-out disgusting. Be warned though that toilet humor sometimes literally takes place in the toilet.

We Like Our Innuendos Freshly Baked

| Hagerstown, MD, USA | Food & Drink, Rude & Risque

(I’m working check out as a gay couple comes up to my line with a dozen or so bananas.)

Customer: “So, what do you think two gay men are going to do with this many bananas?”

Me: *playing along* “Uh, make phallic jokes, then eat them?”

Customer: “Well, yeah, but we’re making banana bread!”

The Terrors Of Terminology

| Guildford, Surrey, England, UK | Family & Kids, Rude & Risque, Top

(People have all sorts of names for the sides, or temples, of spectacle frames. I have heard them called “legs”, “props”, “wings”, and “crutches”, among other things. A very strident woman marches into our practice with her teenage daughter in tow.)

Customer: *loudly* “I want you to spread my daughter’s legs. They won’t go behind her ears.”

Me: *speechless*

Customer’s daughter: *speechless and cringing with embarrassment*

Related:
The Horrors Of Mispronunciation, Part 4
The Horrors Of Mispronunciation, Part 3
The Horrors Of Mispronunciation, Part 2
The Horrors Of Mispronunciation

It Blows Hard

| Bismarck, ND, USA | Rude & Risque

(I am working at the counter of a slushie shop in our mall.)

Me: “What’s all the hustle about out there?”

Customer: “Oh, they brought in the coolest thing this morning. It’s a hurricane stimulator!”

Me: “A stimulator?”

Customer: “Yes, it stimulates hurricanes! You have to try it out.”

Me: “I’ll be sure to do that. Have a nice day!”

Customer: “Oh, I will! That hurricane stimulated me to the max!”

I Can Be Anything I Want

, | Massachusetts, USA | Family & Kids, Rude & Risque

Customer: “Do you sell stripper costumes?”

Me: “Sorry?”

Customer: “Stripper or hooker, whatever. I need it for a Halloween costume party.”

(I assume she’s dressing up herself in a party for adults.)

Me: “Why don’t you just go to a lingerie store? Or perhaps an adult store?”

Customer: “Well, they won’t be selling sizes that fit my kid. She’s 6.”

Similar Tool, Different Outcome

| Minneapolis, MN, USA | Rude & Risque

(I am working at an Arts and Crafts store. I am talking to a coworker when I see an older woman come up to the counter.)

Me: “Hi, can I help you find something?”

Customer: “Yes, do you have anything I can use to shave balls? ”

(There is an awkward silence between the customer and I while I process what she is asking her. Finally, she chimes in, elaborating.)

Customer: “Off of sweaters?”

(I realize that she is talking about a device to remove sweater pills, the little fuzzy dots that sometimes appear after washing.)

Me: “Oh! This way please.”

(I take her over to the yarn section and help her find what she is looking for. I walk back over to my coworker.)

Me: “Is it just me or did it sound like she was asking for–”

Coworker: “Yeah, it definitely did!”

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