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    Category: Rude & Risque

    For those who like their humor a bit more PG-13, this section is littered with customers who are not afraid to walk on the more brazen side, or act downright gross-out disgusting. Be warned though that toilet humor sometimes literally takes place in the toilet.

    For The FBI, The M.O. On This PDF Is TBD

    | Baltimore, MD, USA | Rude & Risque, Technology

    Customer: “My pedophile won’t print.”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “I sent my pedophile to print but it won’t come out the printer.”

    Me: “Oh, you mean PDF file? As in Adobe PDF?”

    Customer: “Yeah, that.”

    You’ve Got The Wrong(est) Number, Part 4

    | Texas, USA | Rude & Risque, Top

    Me: “Thank you for calling customer care. This is [My Name]. How may I help you?”

    Customer: “F*** you.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir?

    Customer: “You heard me. F*** you. F*** you and your stupid f***ing g**d**** company. You are all a bunch of pieces of s***, and I hope you rot in h***.”

    Me: “Sir, I’m sorry you feel that way. Now, if you continue to talk like that, I will have to disconnect this call. However, I don’t want to do that. Is there anything I can help you with?”

    Customer: “Yeah. You can give me back my g**d**** money.”

    Me: “Okay, sir. Let me look up your account. What’s your first and last name?”

    Customer: “My name is ‘Give Me My Money.’”

    Me: “Sir, I am trying to process the refund for you. However, without your name, I cannot locate your account. Now, what’s your first and last name?”

    Customer: “It’s [Name]. You guys are nothing but a bunch of thieves and scammers. Does it feel good that you know that you’re going to h***?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but please do not speak to me in such a way. The next time I will disconnect the call.”

    (I check for his name.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but I was not able to locate your account.”

    Customer: “What? That’s f***ing bulls***! You better give me my g**d**** money back right f***ing now, or I swear to God I’m gonna f***ing bomb you and your family!”

    Me: “Now, sir, threats like that can be taken to authorities as all these calls are recorded. What system did you use?”

    Customer: “I’m not going to tell you that. That’s stupid. You know my name, so you should see what I have purchased.”

    Me: “Sir, I apologize I was not able to find your name. However, we have multiple products with multiple prices. If you can give me the product name, I can locate the account’s history and see if there is a transaction under your name.”

    Customer: “It’s the [Product].”

    Me: “Sir, we don’t have a product with that name.”

    Customer: “What the f*** do you mean that you don’t have a product with that name?! I knew it was a f***ing scam! I’m out $700 dollars now. F*** you and your f***ing company! Kiss my a**!”

    Me: “Sir, we don’t have anything priced like that either. What company are you calling?”

    Customer: [Company].

    Me: “Sir, that’s not our company. Our company name is [Our Company].”

    Customer: “Bulls***!” *pauses* “Oh, whoops. I do have the wrong number. Sorry about that. You have a nice day.”

    Related:
    You Got The Wrong(est) Number, Part 3
    You Got The Wrong(est) Number, Part 2
    You Got The Wrong(est) Number

    Inexcretable Behavior

    | UK | Rude & Risque

    Receptionist: “Hello, [hotel]. How can I help you?”

    Caller: “I need to know if I’m still barred.”

    Receptionist: “I can check that for you. Can I take your name, please?”

    Caller: *gives name*

    Receptionist: “Okay, I’ll just check for you. Out of interest, can I ask why you were barred?”

    Caller: “Aye. I took a sh** in a pint glass.”

    Receptionist: “Yeah, I’d say you’re still barred.”

    A Phone That Rises To The Challenge

    | NY, USA | Rude & Risque

    Me: “So, are you looking to upgrade your phone?”

    Customer: “Yeah.”

    Me: “Any model of phone in particular?”

    Customer: “Well, I had an LG Erection, and I want to get another one because the first one died.”

    Not Quite The Code To Success

    | Phoenix, AZ, USA | Books & Reading, Rude & Risque, Top

    (A friend of mine comes in to buy something. I help her find it, check her out, and we make plans to meet up after my shift is over. We’re both 22 year old brunette girls.)

    Co-worker: “Hey, I think there’s a guy on the phone for you. Did you just help a tall brunette girl?”

    Me: “Yep, I’ll take the call.”

    (I take the phone.)

    Me: “Hello this is [name], how can I help you?”

    Caller: “Did you just help a girl find a book?”

    Me: “Yes, it was a copy of the new Margaret Atwood book. Would you like a copy?”

    Caller: “Is that like a code or something?”

    Me: “Sorry?”

    Caller: “Someone asks for that book and you go home with them?”

    Me: “Sir, she just happened to be a friend of mine. We made plans to hang out later today. Can I help you find a book?”

    Caller: “Oh, so is there a book code that means I can have a threesome with you two?”

    Me: “Uh…”

    Caller: “Wait, are you the one with big boobs or no boobs?”

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