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    Category: Rude & Risque

    For those who like their humor a bit more PG-13, this section is littered with customers who are not afraid to walk on the more brazen side, or act downright gross-out disgusting. Be warned though that toilet humor sometimes literally takes place in the toilet.

    Don’t Get Your Pantyhose In A Twist

    | Canada | Rude & Risque, Spouses & Partners

    (The phone rings. My co-worker, a very proper, older lady, answers it.)

    Coworker: “Thank you for calling [name of store] Beauty Department. How may I help you?”

    Caller: “Do you have pantyhose on?”

    Coworker: “I beg your pardon?”

    Caller: “Do you have pantyhose on?”

    Coworker: *shocked* “Oh my! Such filth! I have never in my life!”

    (She hangs up and runs to the break room completely flustered. A minute later the phone rings again and I answer it this time.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [store name] Beauty Department, how may I help you?”

    Caller: “Yes hello, I would like to know if you have pantyhose on sale this week? My husband called to check for me a moment ago and somebody hung up on him.”

    Please, Take A Crap

    | West Midlands, UK | Food & Drink, Rude & Risque

    Me: “Hello, what can I get for you?”

    Customer: “I’d like a crap, please.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, could you repeat that?”

    Customer: “I’d like a crap with sugar and lemon, please.”

    Me: “Oh, I see! A crepe with sugar and lemon.”

    Customer: “Yes, that’s what I said. A crap with sugar and lemon!”

    So Mummy Can Have Birds Without The Bees

    | United Kingdom | Family & Kids, Health & Body, Rude & Risque

    (I am a customer in line at a pharmacy. A mother and her two youngs boys is ahead of me. One of the young boys is sitting on the floor pointing at random medicines.)

    Boy: “Mummy, what’s that for?”

    Mother: “That’s for an itchy head.”

    Boy: “Mummy, what’s that for?”

    Mother: “That’s for when you can’t sleep.”

    (The boy then points at the pregnancy tests.)

    Boy: “Mummy, what’s that for?”

    Mother: “That’s to see if you have a baby growing inside of you!”

    (The boy then stands up and gets back in line with his mother.)

    Mother, to me and the pharmacist: “Thank god he didn’t point at the condoms!”

    Some Customers Leave Big Shoes To Fill

    , | Harrisburg, PA, USA | At The Checkout, Family & Kids, Rude & Risque

    (While standing in line as a customer, I notice a father and his two children in front of me. The son, about age 8, is sporting a
    Mohawk about as tall is he is. He looks positively adorable and when he turns and smiles at me, I return the smile.)

    Boy: *tugging on his fathers coat* “Daddy, don’t flash all that money in your wallet! That b**** will take it! You always say how b****es are after your money!”

    (The father laughs and agrees until he notices that his son’s free hand is pointing directly at me. The daughter, about age 12, slaps him on the back of the head.)

    Daughter: “Shut up, dumb ***! That b**** don’t want dad’s money!”

    (The father starts to feel uncomfortable with so many people staring. Not wanting to reprimand their behavior but still wanting to make some parental effort, he starts lecturing his son about how his shoes are dirty. Another customer behind me comes to my rescue.)

    Another customer: “If I were you, I’d be more worried about the dirt coming out of the other end of them!”

    (The father falls silent, the children stop calling me a b****, and I get one of my blouses for free.)

    Actually, There’s Probably An App For That, Part 2

    | Portland, OR, USA | Rude & Risque

    (An older gentleman is shopping for his first cell phone.)

    Customer: “I need a phone that rings loud. My hearing isn’t so good.”

    Me: “Well, this phone has vibrate mode so you can feel it ring.”

    Customer: “Vibrate? You mean like a vibrator?”

    Me: “Well, I suppose so, yes. But the warranty doesn’t cover liquid damage.”

    Related:
    Actually, There’s Probably An App For That


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