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    Category: Rude & Risque

    For those who like their humor a bit more PG-13, this section is littered with customers who are not afraid to walk on the more brazen side, or act downright gross-out disgusting. Be warned though that toilet humor sometimes literally takes place in the toilet.

    The Birds, The Bees, And The Brutally Honest

    | Brooklyn, NY, USA | Family & Kids, Rude & Risque

    (A little boy is wandering around unattended, touching all the TVs.)

    Me: “Where’s your mom or dad?”

    Boy: “Well, my mom’s over there.” *points to mother*

    Me: “Okay, why don’t you go over to her?”

    Boy: “Yeah, sure. By the way, I don’t know who my dad is. My mom was a hooker.”

    Like My Antiques, I Need Love Too

    , | St. Louis, MO, USA | Rude & Risque

    (We rent out individual spaces to people. A new dealer has just moved in and is about to leave the store. Note that she is about 70 years old and I am 30.)

    Dealer: “Okay, I guess you have to inspect my bags before I leave.”

    Me: “Yeah, we do.”

    (It looks like a bunch of moving supplies and paper.)

    Dealer: “Are you going to frisk me?”

    Me: “Pardon?”

    Dealer: “Well, it says you check everything at the door. I figured you’d check me too.”

    Me: “Ma’am, we check your bags and boxes, but not you. I’m not going to frisk you, as that is inappropriate.”

    Dealer: “Well, it’s been a while for me, dear. You can feel what you want.”

    Me: “I’d like to keep my job without a sexual harassment complaint on the record. We’ll just see you next time.”

    Dealer: “Oh, come on! It’s been so long!”

    (Her 80 year-old husband is standing there laughing the entire time.)

    I’d Be Loin If I Said Didn’t Like Your Package

    | Illinois, USA | Rude & Risque

    (I work in a specialty meat shop. An older man orders several specific cuts of meat, including a pork loin cut into chops. It is store policy that we ask the customers how they want each item wrapped. When the chops are ready, I overhear this exchange between the customer and a female coworker.)

    Coworker: “Sir, how would you want your loin packaged?”

    Customer: “Are you propositioning me?”

    Coworker: *speechless*

    (Everyone else in the shop bursts into laughter.)

    Doing Favors On Your Knees, Part 2

    | Richmond, Virginia, USA | Books & Reading, Rude & Risque

    (It’s summer and I am very obviously pregnant at about 7 months. A male customer walks by and notices my belly.)

    Customer: “It’s the wrong time of year for that!”

    Me: “Oh, believe me, I know.”

    (He walks off to browse and I continue setting up an end cap display which includes some very low shelves. As it’s rather hard to bend down at 7 months pregnant, I’m now kneeling on the floor to put things on the bottom shelves. The same customer walks by again.)

    Customer: “Well, you know, that’s what got you into trouble in the first place.”

    Related:
    Doing Favors On Your Knees

    No Shame, Period

    | Montreal, Quebec, Canada | Liars & Scammers, Rude & Risque

    (I am working in the produce section where we sell very thick and very red cranberry juice. As I am placing some on the shelves, I drop one, which spills on the ground. To prevent it from leaking all over the place, I quickly carry it to the customer bathroom close by to empty the rest in the toilet, leaving a long trail of red liquid.)

    Customer: “Excuse me!”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am, how may I help you?”

    Customer: “Someone’s had their period in the bathroom!”

    Me: “Oh, no, ma’am. I just dropped cranberry juice on the floor.”

    Customer: “Well, then, can I get a discount for the nausea?”

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