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    Category: Rude & Risque

    For those who like their humor a bit more PG-13, this section is littered with customers who are not afraid to walk on the more brazen side, or act downright gross-out disgusting. Be warned though that toilet humor sometimes literally takes place in the toilet.

    So Mummy Can Have Birds Without The Bees

    | United Kingdom | Family & Kids, Health & Body, Rude & Risque

    (I am a customer in line at a pharmacy. A mother and her two youngs boys is ahead of me. One of the young boys is sitting on the floor pointing at random medicines.)

    Boy: “Mummy, what’s that for?”

    Mother: “That’s for an itchy head.”

    Boy: “Mummy, what’s that for?”

    Mother: “That’s for when you can’t sleep.”

    (The boy then points at the pregnancy tests.)

    Boy: “Mummy, what’s that for?”

    Mother: “That’s to see if you have a baby growing inside of you!”

    (The boy then stands up and gets back in line with his mother.)

    Mother, to me and the pharmacist: “Thank god he didn’t point at the condoms!”

    Some Customers Leave Big Shoes To Fill

    , | Harrisburg, PA, USA | At The Checkout, Family & Kids, Rude & Risque

    (While standing in line as a customer, I notice a father and his two children in front of me. The son, about age 8, is sporting a
    Mohawk about as tall is he is. He looks positively adorable and when he turns and smiles at me, I return the smile.)

    Boy: *tugging on his fathers coat* “Daddy, don’t flash all that money in your wallet! That b**** will take it! You always say how b****es are after your money!”

    (The father laughs and agrees until he notices that his son’s free hand is pointing directly at me. The daughter, about age 12, slaps him on the back of the head.)

    Daughter: “Shut up, dumb ***! That b**** don’t want dad’s money!”

    (The father starts to feel uncomfortable with so many people staring. Not wanting to reprimand their behavior but still wanting to make some parental effort, he starts lecturing his son about how his shoes are dirty. Another customer behind me comes to my rescue.)

    Another customer: “If I were you, I’d be more worried about the dirt coming out of the other end of them!”

    (The father falls silent, the children stop calling me a b****, and I get one of my blouses for free.)

    Actually, There’s Probably An App For That, Part 2

    | Portland, OR, USA | Rude & Risque

    (An older gentleman is shopping for his first cell phone.)

    Customer: “I need a phone that rings loud. My hearing isn’t so good.”

    Me: “Well, this phone has vibrate mode so you can feel it ring.”

    Customer: “Vibrate? You mean like a vibrator?”

    Me: “Well, I suppose so, yes. But the warranty doesn’t cover liquid damage.”

    Related:
    Actually, There’s Probably An App For That

    Not Quite Streets Ahead

    | USA | At The Checkout, Funny Names, Rude & Risque

    (I am checking out a customer and taking their details.)

    Me: “Ma’am, what is your street name?”

    Customer: “I don’t really have one of those. I usually just go by Shanice.”

    Me: “Uh, ma’am, I meant the street name where you live.”

    Customer: “Oh, I knew that!”

    Source: Pope Michael

    When The Boob Tube Just Won’t Do

    | California, USA | Rude & Risque

    (I work at an office that has various different offices and 2 small studios for some of the graphic designers, movie editors, and musicians that work with us. I work as one of the tech support guys and am fixing the computer at the reception desk when a teenager walks in.)

    Customer: “Hey, do you work here?”

    Me: “Yeah, can I help you?”

    Customer: “So what do you guys do here?”

    Me: “Well everyone here does something different, I happen to be tech support.”

    Customer: “Cool, do they make movies here?”

    Me: “I’m not sure, they might.”

    Customer: “Right on, do you know what kind?”

    Me: “Well they have a green screen so I’m not sure.”

    Customer: “Do you know if they make any adult movies here?”

    Me: “Like I said I’m not sure, I’m not sure what they do in the studios.”

    Customer: “Can I take a tour?”

    Me: “Look, I’m the tech support guy, I’m not authorized to give
    you a tour.”

    Customer: “Come on, I’ll give you $5!”

    Me: “I’m not going to risk my job over $5.”

    Customer: “I swear, people like you make it hard for people like me to see boobies!”


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