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    Category: Rude & Risque

    For those who like their humor a bit more PG-13, this section is littered with customers who are not afraid to walk on the more brazen side, or act downright gross-out disgusting. Be warned though that toilet humor sometimes literally takes place in the toilet.

    In Some Cultures, The Conch Is Blown For Good Luck

    | Winter Park, FL, USA | At The Checkout, Rude & Risque

    (A lady comes through my checkout line with some frozen conch chowder.)

    Me: “I’ve never tried this chowder before. Is it any good?”

    Customer: *loudly* “Oh, yes! I just love cock! That’s how you say it, right? Cock?”

    Me: “Ma’am, I think its pronounced conch…”

    Customer Service Speaks Your Language

    | Clearwater, FL, USA | Rude & Risque

    (A customer calls on phone asking for directions.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [travel agency], how may I help you?”

    Customer: “Yes, I need to pick up my friend getting off the bus depot. Where are you located?

    Me: “We are 1/2 mile east of [road], across the street from [sports bar].”

    Customer: “What’s that? Could you spell that for me?”

    (I proceed to spell the name of the establishment.)

    Customer: “Oh, [sports bar]. You should have just said ‘boobies’! That would have been much faster.”

    A Job Well Blown

    | Bowling Green, KY, USA | Rude & Risque

    (Our store has just installed new, more powerful hand dryers in the restrooms. I am using one when a customer comes up behind me.)

    Customer: “These things give pretty powerful blow jobs, huh?”

    Me: “Yeah, never heard that before.”

    Customer: “I need a good blow job like that!”

    Me: *hurriedly leaves the restroom*

    Related:
    Too Much Information, Part 6
    Way, Way, Way Too Much Information
    Way, Way Too Much Information

    So Good It’s Not Even There

    | Netherlands | Rude & Risque

    Me: “Thanks for calling [store], this is [name]. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “Hello, I just wanted to know whether you have any topless bikinis?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, strapless bikinis, you mean?”

    Customer: “Yes, topless bikinis! Do you have any?”

    Please, Say No More

    | Houston, TX, USA | Rude & Risque

    (An older man, maybe late 50s with graying hair, approaches my register with a few groceries. Despite his age, he is very absorbed in his cell phone and paying little attention to what is going on around him.)

    Me: “Hi! How are you today, sir?”

    Customer: *giggles* “I’m doing exceptionally naughty things on my phone right now!”

    Me: “Oh, that’s lovely! Do you have any coupons with us today?”

    Customer: *leans in and whispers* “In the colloquial, that means I’m sexting!”

    Related:
    Too Much Information, Part 6
    Way, Way, Way Too Much Information
    Way, Way Too Much Information
    Way Too Much Information
    TMI Redux
    TMI (Too Much Information)

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