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    Category: Rude & Risque

    For those who like their humor a bit more PG-13, this section is littered with customers who are not afraid to walk on the more brazen side, or act downright gross-out disgusting. Be warned though that toilet humor sometimes literally takes place in the toilet.

    Accessories Are Contagious

    | Philadelphia, PA, USA | Rude & Risque

    (This happens just after a customer finishes purchasing a phone and is asking what accessories it comes with.)

    Customer: “So this comes with an STD card, right?”

    Me: “An SD card?”

    Customer: *realizing what she said* “OH! I meant an SD card! Oh my God!”

    The Not So Subliminal Erotica

    | Jonesboro, AR, USA | Family & Kids, Rude & Risque

    (A young boy approaches the check out desk with a DVD of classic cartoons featuring characters like Popeye, Felix the Cat, Woody Woodpeck, and Betty Boop. I proceed to quiz him to see if he knows the characters.)

    Me: “Do you know this one?”

    Child: “That’s Popeye!”

    Me: “And this one?”

    Child: “Woody Woodpecker!”

    (He gets all of the ones right until my finger lands on Betty Boop.)

    Me: “How about her?”

    Child: *uncertain* “Um…”

    Me: “It’s Betty Boop!”

    (A look of instant recognition spreads across the child’s face.)

    Child: “Oh yeah! My dad’s got naked pictures of her!”

    A Dick By Any Other Name

    | New Jersey, USA | Rude & Risque

    Me: “May I have your name, please?”

    Customer: “Why?”

    Me: “When your order is ready to be collected, we call you by name.”

    Customer: “I’m not giving you my name!”

    Me: “Well, give me a name that we can refer to you by.”

    Customer: “I’m not giving you my name!”

    Me: “It doesn’t have to be your real name. I just need a name we can announce over the speaker so you know when to pick up your order.”

    Customer: “Why would I respond to a name that’s not mine?”

    Me: “Well, give us something that we can call you by.”

    Customer: “Then, how would I remember that’s me?”

    Me: “You can write it down.”

    Customer: “Okay, call me Dick. I’m pretty sure I can remember that. I’ll be holding mine until you call.”

    The Only Reason To Read Anyway

    | England, UK | Books & Reading, Rude & Risque

    (A young teenage girl has been standing perplexed looking at the front covers of two books, “Twilight” and “Vampire Diaries”.)

    Me: “Having trouble finding a book?”

    Customer: “No, I’m just trying to work out which of these has the best sex scenes in them.”

    More Pressing Issues

    | Fayetteville, AR, USA | Rude & Risque

    (I am a female employee at a sporting goods store. A elderly male with a noticeable limp comes in.)

    Me: “Hello, can I help you find anything?”

    Customer: “Yes. I need something for support.”

    Me: “Oh, yes, we keep all of the supporters on this wall.”

    (I indicate the various supporters: knees, shins, etc. He begins to look at the different kinds, before picking up a simple knee strap that is basically a thin velcro band. He opens and examines it.)

    Customer: “So this just straps around?”

    Me: “Yes, sir. It’s got velcro on the back so you can adjust the size and fasten it.”

    (There is a long pause as he looks like he’s trying to figure out how it works.)

    Customer: “So, how does this protect the testicles?”

    (I promptly direct him towards the cups and find a male employee to help him.)

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