Category: Rude & Risque

For those who like their humor a bit more PG-13, this section is littered with customers who are not afraid to walk on the more brazen side, or act downright gross-out disgusting. Be warned though that toilet humor sometimes literally takes place in the toilet.

Language That Belongs In The Toilet

| Apple Valley, MN, USA | Language & Words, Rude & Risque

(I’m stocking shelves when a customer approaches me.)

Customer: “Excuse me, do you have any a** wipe?”

Me: “What?”

Customer: “You know, a** wipe?”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “Toilet paper?”

Me: “Oh! Aisle 6.”

(The customer smiles and leaves. I’m from the area, so I can confirm that “a** wipe” isn’t a regional term for toilet paper!)

Sure Thing, Sweet Cheeks

| Ontario, Canada | Language & Words, Rude & Risque

(We have international newspapers that we keep behind us at the till. Also, I’m female. I’ve just finished ringing up some British newspapers for a customer.)

Me: “Have a brilliant day.”

Customer: “Can I take a look at your rack?”

(This not only catches me off guard, but all the staff and customers within earshot, who turn and look at us.)

Me: “Pardon?”

Customer: “I just want to see what else you’ve got to offer.”

(Everybody is still staring.)

Customer: *realizing what he’s said* “Oh! Your newspaper rack.”

Please Put Your Brain Back In The Driver’s Seat

| Michigan, USA | Rude & Risque

(I’m a receptionist in the service area of a car dealership. I am calling a customer to let him know his vehicle is ready for pickup.)

Me: “Hello, sir! Just calling to let you know that your vehicle is all set.”

Customer: “And do you come with the car? You sound like a pretty little thing.”

Me: “Um, well, we’re open until 6 tonight, so if you want to come in and get your truck before then, that would be great.”

Customer: “I’m a dirty old man.”

Me: “Okay, then. Have a good day.” *hangs up*

Shh, The Neighbors Will Hear

| Michigan, USA | Language & Words, Rude & Risque

(At our movie theater, “Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close” is playing. A 70- or 80-year-old woman approaches.)

Me: “Hi, how may I help you?”

Customer: “I’d like a ticket to that new movie.”

Me: “No problem. What movie are you looking for, ma’am?”

Customer: “That new one. You know, Extremely Loud and Incredibly Nasty.”

Subjective Job Satisfaction

| Orlando, FL, USA | At The Checkout, Rude & Risque

(I’m a cashier ringing up a customer.)

Me: “Did you find everything okay today?”

Customer: “Yep, it was fine.”

Me: *smiling* “That’s good.”

Customer: “You have a nice smile.”

Me: “Thanks!”

Customer: “You must be very happy.”

Me: “Usually.”

Customer: “I have a friend who is a stripper. You’re much happier than her.”

Me: *speechless* “Uh, thanks? You’re total is [total]. Have a nice day.”

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