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    Category: Rude & Risque

    For those who like their humor a bit more PG-13, this section is littered with customers who are not afraid to walk on the more brazen side, or act downright gross-out disgusting. Be warned though that toilet humor sometimes literally takes place in the toilet.

    Wouldn’t Wish Him On Your Worst Enema

    | Berkeley, CA, USA | Health & Body, Rude & Risque, Theme Of The Month

    (A customer wanders around drug store for half an hour, feeling too embarrassed to ask where the enemas are.)

    Employee: “Hi. Can I help you?”

    Customer: “Uh, I’m looking for an enema bag.”

    Employee: “Oh… you want a bag? We have some bags.”

    (I lead the customer to a small case full of purses in the cosmetics section.)

    Employee: “Here are the bags.”

    Customer: “Do you know what an enema is?”

    Employee: “No…”

    Customer: “I’ll ask someone else.” *leaves drug store*

    On The Need For Hazard Pay, Part 7

    | Toronto, ON, Canada | Health & Body, Rude & Risque, Theme Of The Month

    (While I’m cleaning the men’s washroom, a regular has walked in.)

    Me: “I’m sorry. I’ll just be a minute longer and then you can use the washroom.”

    Customer: “Nope. Gotta go now.”

    Me: “Well, then, I’ll leave and finish when you’re done.”

    Customer: “Nah, don’t worry. I don’t have anything to hide.”

    (I only just managed to get out of the room before he finished opening his pants!)

    Related:
    On The Need For Hazard Pay, Part 6
    On The Need For Hazard Pay, Part 5
    On The Need For Hazard Pay, Part 4
    On The Need For Hazard Pay, Part 3
    On The Need For Hazard Pay, Part 2
    On The Need For Hazard Pay

    Likes To Party Hard

    , | Mexico | At The Checkout, Rude & Risque, Theme Of The Month

    (I am the cashier at a convenience store that also has a pharmacy on the back. It is a slow day and my pharmacy coworker asks me to watch his station for a minute. A mustached, gallon-hat wearing cowboy (boots and all) comes up to me and asks in a very deep voice:)

    Cowboy: “Do you carry generic Viagra?”

    Me: *stunned* “I’m sorry. If you could just wait for a minute?”

    (Thankfully my coworker heard him and took over. I went back to my station and then the same customer appeared. His purchases? Generic Viagra, a tequila bottle, and a 25-pack of lollipops…)

    Keep Your Shirt On

    | AL, USA | Rude & Risque, Theme Of The Month

    (Customer #1 is man in his mid-50s, in a suit, and very polite. Customer #2 is in his mid-30s, with a greasy ponytail and tie-dyed shirt. I go to deliver the food.)

    Me: ”Can I bring you gentlemen anything else?”

    Customer #1: ”No, thank you.”

    Customer #2: ”No, I’m fine.”

    (As I’m turning around, Customer #2 snaps his fingers at me.)

    Me: ”Yes, sir?”

    Customer #2: ”You know, I own a restaurant.”

    Me: ”That’s nice, sir.”

    Customer #2: *leers* ”I’ll give you $10 and a t-shirt for an ‘interview’ in my car.”

    Me: ”No, thanks. I love my job.”

    Customer #2: ”I could make it two t-shirts?”

    Some Lines Get Older Every Day

    | Canastota, NY, USA | Rude & Risque, Theme Of The Month

    (I’m working at a gas station and am currently ringing out a guy that appears to be in his 60s. I am 18.)

    Customer: *grabbing my hand* “Would you like to get a pop with me?”

    Me: “Sorry, I don’t drink soda.”

    Customer: “How about a coffee?”

    Me: “Sorry, I’m too young for you.”

    Customer: “Oh, come on. Age is just a number and coffee doesn’t mean anything.”

    Me: “No, thank you.”

    (He still has not given me back my hand yet.)

    Customer: “Oh, come on.”

    Me: *continuing with the transaction* That’ll be [amount].”

    Customer: “So what do you say?”

    Me: “Sorry, no.”

    Customer: “How about we leave it as a ‘maybe?’”


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