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  • Had It Up To Their Neck With Bad Customers
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    Category: Rude & Risque

    For those who like their humor a bit more PG-13, this section is littered with customers who are not afraid to walk on the more brazen side, or act downright gross-out disgusting. Be warned though that toilet humor sometimes literally takes place in the toilet.

    Setting Daddy’s Little Girl Straight

    | New Haven, CT, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Money, Rude & Risque, Top

    (I’m gay and working in a clothing store for teens/young adults. A roughly 15-year-old girl comes into the store. Her dad is sitting on a bench right outside the store in clear view of the check-out counter.)

    Girl: “Hey there. Do you offer discounts for pretty girls?”

    Me: “I’m afraid not. Unless you have a coupon, your total will be [total].”

    Girl: “Maybe you can give me a discount for a different kind of coupon?” *slowly pops open the top buttons of her shirt*

    Me: “Oh, honey, you’re gonna need a few more years and a surgery before that’s going to work on me.”

    Girl: *scowling* “Are you calling me flat-chested?”

    Me: “Different kind of surgery, honey.” *pointing out my rainbow bracelet*

    Girl: “Oh, ew!”

    (The girl’s dad has managed to storm right up next to his daughter without her noticing. He’s clearly fuming.)

    Girl’s Dad: “You better have a good reason for flashing this kid your cleavage, [Girl’s Full Name].”

    (He made her put all her clothes back and leave the store in tears.)

    Getting A Man-Handle On Your Words

    | Flagstaff, AZ, USA | At The Checkout, Food & Drink, Language & Words, Rude & Risque

    (I am a woman, and I am cashiering at a grocery store that is conducting a charitable fund drive. I am packing a chatty man’s groceries into his backpack.)

    Man: “Look at how you just get that all in there! You’re really man-handling that stuff!”

    Me: *packing the last two things, which are pieces of fruit* “Oh, but I don’t want to man-handle your peaches.”

    Man: “I don’t want to man-handle your peaches.”

    (I splutter and stare at this, torn between outrage and hilarity.)

    Man: “I’m sorry.” *as if to himself* “Get your mind out of the gutter.”

    Me: “To make it up to me, you will donate to our fundraiser.”

    Man: “Deal.”

    Came To Within An Inch Of Getting It Right

    , | PA, USA | Food & Drink, Language & Words, Rude & Risque

    (After working late shifts at the local discount retailer, I pull into a fast-food drive thru.)

    Drive Thru Worker: “Welcome to [Restaurant], may I take your order?”

    Me: “Hi, I’d like a six-inch nugget please.”

    (There are a couple seconds of silence, and then I hear the speaker turn on and I hear some laughter and giggles in the background.)

    Drive Thru Worker: *barely able to speak without giggling* “Uh… Could you repeat your order?”

    Me: “I’d like a six-inch nug— OH MY GOD! No! I want a SIX-PIECE nugget!”

    (I complete my order and pull around to see the worker and two of his coworkers red-faced and trying to contain their laughter. In the mean time, I’m no better; my face was red with embarrassment. I pay and get my food, and I couldn’t have gotten out of that queue fast enough! I guess I subconsciously wanted to go to the sub shop that night.)

    No Man-Maid Fantasies

    | Bodø, Norway | Hotels & Lodging, Rude & Risque

    Me: *knocks on the door* “Housekeeping!”

    (I hear the voice of the male guest inside.)

    Guest: “Like a maid?”

    Me: “Uh… yes, I suppose.”

    Guest: “Are you wearing a maid’s outfit?”

    Me: “I can bet money that it’s not the outfit you are mentally picturing right now, sir.”

    My Unfair Lady

    | Pasadena, MD, USA | At The Checkout, Bigotry, Rude & Risque

    (I work in an adult-themed shop. A female customer has just walked up to make a purchase.)

    Me: “Hello. How are you today?”

    Customer: *grumbles*

    Me: “Okay… Did you find everything?”

    Customer: *grumbles*

    (I take this as my hint to stop trying to be helpful and just get this over with as soon as possible.)

    Me: “All right. Your total is [price].”

    Customer: *handing me money* “You really should be ashamed of yourself, you know.”

    Me: “I’m sorry?”

    Customer: “You must not be a proper lady, working in a place like this. Shameful!”

    Me: “You mean me working here, trying to make a living and keep my bills down, is shameful compared to you walking in my store to buy smut and hooker clothes, then acting very rude towards me?”

    (The customer turns bright red, pays, and leaves.)


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