Category: Rude & Risque

For those who like their humor a bit more PG-13, this section is littered with customers who are not afraid to walk on the more brazen side, or act downright gross-out disgusting. Be warned though that toilet humor sometimes literally takes place in the toilet.

You’ve Got The Wrongest Number, Part 6

| Pennsylvania, USA | Rude & Risque, Top

Me: “We’re making magic here at Ch—”

Caller: “Sexy voice for a sexy lady, eh?”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Caller: “Yeah, I wanted to ask about some of your ‘prizes’.”

Me: “Sure? What are you looking for?”

(He begins to read me a long list of sexual objects and attempts to talk dirty.)

Me: “Sir, this is highly inappropriate.”

Caller: “If you’re offended, why do you work at [name of adult store]?”

Me: “Because I don’t. I think you have the wrong number.”

Caller: “Who am I talking to then?”

Me: “[Name] at Chuck E. Cheese.”

Caller: “Oh…oh my God! I AM SO SORRY!”

Related:
You Got The Wrong(est) Number, Part 5
You Got The Wrong(est) Number, Part 4
You Got The Wrong(est) Number, Part 3
You Got The Wrong(est) Number, Part 2
You Got The Wrong(est) Number

Un-bare-ably Competitive

| Chicago, IL, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Rude & Risque

(It’s the end of the day at the grocery deli. Most of the other customers have left. I am just about to start closing up when a last customer walks up. He is wearing oversized glasses and mismatched clothing, as if he hasn’t done his laundry in a while.)

Customer: “Hey, you closing up?”

Me: “I’ve got enough time for ya! What do you need?”

(He orders and I begin preparing it.)

Customer: “So, how is that job?”

Me: “Nothing really to complain about, other than the occasional weird customer—”

Customer: “You know, I’m pretty weird! You want to see how weird I am?”

Me: “No, sir, that’s all right, I was just—”

(The customer proceeds to pull down his pants right in the middle of the store and does a little victory pose. I’m so dumbfounded I almost cut myself on the slicer.)

Customer: *pulling his pants up* “I bet you haven’t met anyone weirder than that yet, have ya?!”

Me: “No, sir, I most definitely have not.”

Young (At Heart), Wild, And Free

| Seattle, WA, USA | Rude & Risque

(I am doing a pat down on an older woman in a wheelchair. As I clear each area, I’m letting the woman know that I am moving to a new area. Fairly quickly, it becomes obvious that the woman is intoxicated.)

Me: “Okay, ma’am, I’m going to clear your back now.”

Woman: *throws her arms out and says quite loudly* “Honey, I’m loaded! You can do whatever you want to me!”

Show But Don’t Tell

| North Canton, OH, USA | Rude & Risque

(A female customer, approximately 18 years old, is asking a coworker of mine about our bikinis.)

Customer: “Do you guys, like, carry any bikini bottoms in white?”

Me: “I don’t think we have any. Not a lot of stores stock white bikinis.” *chuckling* “After all, you can see right through white fabric when it gets wet!”

Customer: *completely serious* “Yeah, duh. That’s why I want them!”

They Are Not The Toys You Are Looking For

| St. Catharines, Ontario, Canada | Rude & Risque

(A woman calls into the store. She’s speaking very quietly and I have to ask her several times to repeat herself. Finally I make out something.)

Woman: “Do you sell vibrators?”

Me: *pause* “Um, ma’am, I’m going to have to ask you again to repeat what you said. I really don’t think we sell what I think you said.”

Woman: “Vibrators.”

Me: “No. No, we don’t.”

Woman: “Isn’t this The Love Shop?”

Me: “No, ma’am, this is Toys-R-Us.”

Related:
They Are Not The Balls You Are Looking For

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