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    Category: Rude & Risque

    For those who like their humor a bit more PG-13, this section is littered with customers who are not afraid to walk on the more brazen side, or act downright gross-out disgusting. Be warned though that toilet humor sometimes literally takes place in the toilet.

    Every Bird And Bee’s Worst Nightmare

    | Sydney, Australia | Family & Kids, Rude & Risque, Top

    (I’m serving a woman in an aisle when her daughter, about 3 or 4 years old, shows up behind me. She’s been hiding in the next aisle over and I’ve thus far been unaware of her presence.)

    Me: “Oh! Hi, sweetie! Where did you come from?”

    (She pauses and looks at me like I’m stupid.)

    Girl: “Mummy’s vagina?”

    Spare Change For Cheap Thrills

    | NJ, USA | At The Checkout, Rude & Risque

    (I am a cashier in a grocery store. I have just rung up an elderly man’s groceries. Keep in mind this man is around 80 years old.)

    Me: “Your total is $52.83, sir.”

    Customer: *holds out hand full of change* “Can you pick out the right amount for me, honey?”

    Me: “Sure.”

    (I carefully start counting out change from his open hand.)

    Customer: “It’s okay. I’ll let you touch my hand so I can get a thrill. Even at 80, I still get thrills, you know!”

    Me: *speechless*

    Not So Modest Aspirations

    | Europe | Family & Kids, Rude & Risque

    (I’m speaking with a three year old girl as I serve her mother.)

    Me: “Do you like the pharmacy? Do you think you will be a pharmacist when you grow up?”

    Girl: “No! I will be a dancer!”

    Me: “Oh, a dancer! That’s nice! Like in a dance group?”

    Girl: “No! On the pole!”

    You’ve Got The Wrong(est) Make

    | Detroit, MI, USA | Rude & Risque

    (An elderly woman walks onto the lot from and begins asking me about a car.)

    Me: “Hello, ma’am, what can I help you with today?”

    Customer: “What can you tell me about this red car?”

    Me: “This is a 1999 Volvo V70.”

    Customer: “A Vulva! My grand-daughter has a vulva! Her boyfriend said he absolutely loves it!”

    (I unsuccessfully try to keep a straight face.)

    Me: “I’m sure he does, ma’am.”

    Related:
    You Got The Wrong(est) Item, Part 4
    You Got The Wrong(est) Item, Part 3
    You Got The Wrong(est) Item, Part 2

    Cost-Benefit Analysis

    , | Dalton, GA, USA | At The Checkout, Rude & Risque

    (A customer comes in to pick up his Viagra prescription. I’m trying not to be awkward and ring him up as if it’s any other order.)

    Me: “Hi, how may I help you?”

    Customer: “My name is [name]. I need to pick up my prescription.”

    Me: “That will be just a moment.”

    (I get the man’s prescription and proceed to ring him up for it.)

    Me: “Your total today comes out to [price].”

    Customer: “What?!”

    Me: *I repeat the price*

    Customer: *mumbles* “Still cheaper than a hooker, I guess.” *pays and leaves*


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