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    Category: Rude & Risque

    For those who like their humor a bit more PG-13, this section is littered with customers who are not afraid to walk on the more brazen side, or act downright gross-out disgusting. Be warned though that toilet humor sometimes literally takes place in the toilet.

    Similar Tool, Different Outcome

    | Minneapolis, MN, USA | Rude & Risque

    (I am working at an Arts and Crafts store. I am talking to a coworker when I see an older woman come up to the counter.)

    Me: “Hi, can I help you find something?”

    Customer: “Yes, do you have anything I can use to shave balls? ”

    (There is an awkward silence between the customer and I while I process what she is asking her. Finally, she chimes in, elaborating.)

    Customer: “Off of sweaters?”

    (I realize that she is talking about a device to remove sweater pills, the little fuzzy dots that sometimes appear after washing.)

    Me: “Oh! This way please.”

    (I take her over to the yarn section and help her find what she is looking for. I walk back over to my coworker.)

    Me: “Is it just me or did it sound like she was asking for–”

    Coworker: “Yeah, it definitely did!”

    Keep That Style To Yourself

    , | Stockton, CA, USA | Food & Drink, Rude & Risque

    (I take orders at a fast food restaurant. We have a secret menu with special type of fry we call “animal style”, which is pretty popular. A customer walks up.)

    Me: “Hi, how are you doing today? How may I help you?”

    Customer: “I have heard about this secret style french fry you guys make. Could I have one order of french fries, doggy style, please?”

    Me: “Um…do you mean animal style fries?”

    Customer: *turning red* “Yeah, that’s what I meant.”

    Related:
    The Horrors Of Mispronunciation, Part 4
    The Horrors Of Mispronunciation, Part 3
    The Horrors Of Mispronunciation, Part 2
    The Horrors Of Mispronunciation

    Identifiers Are For Life

    | Des Moines, IA, USA | Rude & Risque, Technology

    (Customers can come into the store to buy books, or they can create an account with an e-mail address and purchase books online. The account is your email address and whatever password they choose. A customer and his girlfriend come up the service desk.)

    Me: “How may I help you today?”

    Customer: “I can’t access my online account.”

    Me: “Okay, I can help. What is your e-mail address?”

    Customer: “Um…” *stares at the floor*

    Me: “Sir? Your email address?”

    Customer: *quietly says something*

    Me: “I’m sorry, I couldn’t hear you. Could you repeat that please?”

    (By now, other customers are waiting for assistance. Suddenly, the customer shouts his email address, loud enough for everyone to hear.)

    Customer: “Im-a-whore@[ISP].com!”

    Hair Asunder Down Under

    | Melbourne, Australia | Books & Reading, Rude & Risque

    (My hair is naturally a rather unusual color of red that naturally highlights due to a melanin imbalance. I am a male. A few months ago I shaved my head for charity. A male customer comes to the counter.)

    Customer: “Oh my, you have such wonderful hair. May I touch it?”

    Me: *laughing* “I hear that a lot. You should have seen it when I had it down to here…”

    (I indicate my hip where my hair used to reach.)

    Me: “I had to shave it all off, though.”

    Customer: “Where I am from in Spain, it is very common for people to shave their bodies. No need to be ashamed!”

    Me: “Oh, no…no! I mean my head hair went down to there.”

    Customer: “Oh! It must have been beautiful! Still, you should consider shaving your body! Everybody on the beach likes it.” *winks at me and walks out*

    Stimulating Or Simulating Immunity

    | Ottawa, Canada | Health & Body, Rude & Risque

    (I’ve had a small cold for a couple days. I begin to ring up a man in his 60s. I’m 19.)

    Me: “Hello, sir, how are you today?”

    Customer: “Not too bad, except this d***ed cold won’t go away.”

    Me: “Oh, I’m sorry to hear that. I have one too and it’s driving me nuts! Although I love the new pomegranate grapefruit cough drops we sell.”

    Customer: “I have some cough drops at home. But there is one thing that really works when you’re sick. The problem is, my wife is out of town so I guess I’m out of luck.”

    Me: “Oh, yeah. Wait, what?”

    Customer: “Yeah! It totally works. Do you have a man around to help you with your… cold?”

    (He winks at me.)

    Me: “That’ll be $35.67, sir. Have a nice day.”

    Customer: “Try it! And if you don’t have a man, you could always do it with–”

    Me: “Goodbye!”

    Also seen on: Not Always Romantic

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