Category: Rude & Risque

For those who like their humor a bit more PG-13, this section is littered with customers who are not afraid to walk on the more brazen side, or act downright gross-out disgusting. Be warned though that toilet humor sometimes literally takes place in the toilet.

Pray That It Be Rhetorical

| UK | Rude & Risque

(We have a policy of “up-selling” specific products, meaning we offer them to every customers. This particular week, we’re up-selling pineapples. A middle-aged man approaches the till and I process his items.)

Me: “Thank you. That’ll be £X.XX. Would you like a pineapple? They’re only £1.”

Customer: “Would you like to rip my trousers off and have your wild way with me?”

Me: *speechless*

Customer: “We all have questions.” *pays and leaves as if this is normal*

They Are Not The Balls You Are Looking For

| Gulfport, MS, USA | Language & Words, Rude & Risque

(Note: I am a male. It’s the week of Easter and I’m walking through the store, when suddenly I hear someone scream at me.)

Customer: “You don’t have any balls, do you?!”

(I stop in my tracks, shocked. I turn around to see a little old lady.)

Me: *laughing, embarrassed* “Um, what?”

Customer: “Little balls!”

(She shows me how small with her fingers. I stare at her, dumbfounded, jaw-dropped, and shrug.)

Customer: “You know, the chocolate Easter balls!”

Me: *erupting in laughter* “Oh, yeah, they’re right this way…”

Easy Sleazy Customers

| Arizona, USA | Rude & Risque

(I’m a waitress at a sushi place.)

Me: “Well, thank you for coming in gentlemen. Have a great day!”

Customer #1: “You were really great to us, so thank you.”

Me: “Yeah, of course, anytime! You guys were easy to take care of!”

Customer #2: “We were easy?”

Me: “I didn’t mean it like that!”

Customer #2: “It’s okay, I’d be easy for you! Have a great day.”

Language That Belongs In The Toilet

| Apple Valley, MN, USA | Language & Words, Rude & Risque

(I’m stocking shelves when a customer approaches me.)

Customer: “Excuse me, do you have any a** wipe?”

Me: “What?”

Customer: “You know, a** wipe?”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “Toilet paper?”

Me: “Oh! Aisle 6.”

(The customer smiles and leaves. I’m from the area, so I can confirm that “a** wipe” isn’t a regional term for toilet paper!)

Sure Thing, Sweet Cheeks

| Ontario, Canada | Language & Words, Rude & Risque

(We have international newspapers that we keep behind us at the till. Also, I’m female. I’ve just finished ringing up some British newspapers for a customer.)

Me: “Have a brilliant day.”

Customer: “Can I take a look at your rack?”

(This not only catches me off guard, but all the staff and customers within earshot, who turn and look at us.)

Me: “Pardon?”

Customer: “I just want to see what else you’ve got to offer.”

(Everybody is still staring.)

Customer: *realizing what he’s said* “Oh! Your newspaper rack.”

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