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    Category: Rude & Risque

    For those who like their humor a bit more PG-13, this section is littered with customers who are not afraid to walk on the more brazen side, or act downright gross-out disgusting. Be warned though that toilet humor sometimes literally takes place in the toilet.

    Identifiers Are For Life

    | Des Moines, IA, USA | Rude & Risque, Technology

    (Customers can come into the store to buy books, or they can create an account with an e-mail address and purchase books online. The account is your email address and whatever password they choose. A customer and his girlfriend come up the service desk.)

    Me: “How may I help you today?”

    Customer: “I can’t access my online account.”

    Me: “Okay, I can help. What is your e-mail address?”

    Customer: “Um…” *stares at the floor*

    Me: “Sir? Your email address?”

    Customer: *quietly says something*

    Me: “I’m sorry, I couldn’t hear you. Could you repeat that please?”

    (By now, other customers are waiting for assistance. Suddenly, the customer shouts his email address, loud enough for everyone to hear.)

    Customer: “Im-a-whore@[ISP].com!”

    Hair Asunder Down Under

    | Melbourne, Australia | Books & Reading, Rude & Risque

    (My hair is naturally a rather unusual color of red that naturally highlights due to a melanin imbalance. I am a male. A few months ago I shaved my head for charity. A male customer comes to the counter.)

    Customer: “Oh my, you have such wonderful hair. May I touch it?”

    Me: *laughing* “I hear that a lot. You should have seen it when I had it down to here…”

    (I indicate my hip where my hair used to reach.)

    Me: “I had to shave it all off, though.”

    Customer: “Where I am from in Spain, it is very common for people to shave their bodies. No need to be ashamed!”

    Me: “Oh, no…no! I mean my head hair went down to there.”

    Customer: “Oh! It must have been beautiful! Still, you should consider shaving your body! Everybody on the beach likes it.” *winks at me and walks out*

    Stimulating Or Simulating Immunity

    | Ottawa, Canada | Health & Body, Rude & Risque

    (I’ve had a small cold for a couple days. I begin to ring up a man in his 60s. I’m 19.)

    Me: “Hello, sir, how are you today?”

    Customer: “Not too bad, except this d***ed cold won’t go away.”

    Me: “Oh, I’m sorry to hear that. I have one too and it’s driving me nuts! Although I love the new pomegranate grapefruit cough drops we sell.”

    Customer: “I have some cough drops at home. But there is one thing that really works when you’re sick. The problem is, my wife is out of town so I guess I’m out of luck.”

    Me: “Oh, yeah. Wait, what?”

    Customer: “Yeah! It totally works. Do you have a man around to help you with your… cold?”

    (He winks at me.)

    Me: “That’ll be $35.67, sir. Have a nice day.”

    Customer: “Try it! And if you don’t have a man, you could always do it with–”

    Me: “Goodbye!”

    Also seen on: Not Always Romantic

    Faceless Enemy, Faceless Victim

    | Georgia, USA | Rude & Risque

    (I am working the register in the garden center when a man with no arms come through with an item held under his chin. He leans over, drops it on my counter and says that he’ll be right back. He comes back with several more items under his chin, and states that he is ready to check out.)

    Me: “So, how is your day going?”

    Customer: “It’s going fine, thanks!”

    (The transaction goes smoothly until it’s time for him to pay.)

    Customer: “I have no arms, so you’ll have to get the money out of my pocket.”

    (I blink, but it sounds reasonable, so I walk around the counter to get the money. As I reach into his front pocket, he notices
    something.)

    Customer: “Oops, my fly is open. But, don’t worry. Nothing will jump out at you!”

    Private, Privater, Privatest

    | Morehead, KY, USA | Food & Drink, Rude & Risque

    (While waiting tables one afternoon, a group of 4 older gentlemen, aged about 65-70, seats themselves in my section. In the middle of their meal, one of them beckons me over.)

    Customer: “Did you know that 2 out of every 3 people sing in the shower? The other third touch themselves. Anyway, do you know what they sing?”

    Me: “Uh, well, no. What do they–”

    Customer: “I didn’t think you would. You can go.”

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