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  • Had It Up To Their Neck With Bad Customers
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    Category: Rude & Risque

    For those who like their humor a bit more PG-13, this section is littered with customers who are not afraid to walk on the more brazen side, or act downright gross-out disgusting. Be warned though that toilet humor sometimes literally takes place in the toilet.

    Inexcretable Behavior

    | UK | Rude & Risque

    Receptionist: “Hello, [hotel]. How can I help you?”

    Caller: “I need to know if I’m still barred.”

    Receptionist: “I can check that for you. Can I take your name, please?”

    Caller: *gives name*

    Receptionist: “Okay, I’ll just check for you. Out of interest, can I ask why you were barred?”

    Caller: “Aye. I took a sh** in a pint glass.”

    Receptionist: “Yeah, I’d say you’re still barred.”

    A Phone That Rises To The Challenge

    | NY, USA | Rude & Risque

    Me: “So, are you looking to upgrade your phone?”

    Customer: “Yeah.”

    Me: “Any model of phone in particular?”

    Customer: “Well, I had an LG Erection, and I want to get another one because the first one died.”

    Not Quite The Code To Success

    | Phoenix, AZ, USA | Books & Reading, Rude & Risque, Top

    (A friend of mine comes in to buy something. I help her find it, check her out, and we make plans to meet up after my shift is over. We’re both 22 year old brunette girls.)

    Co-worker: “Hey, I think there’s a guy on the phone for you. Did you just help a tall brunette girl?”

    Me: “Yep, I’ll take the call.”

    (I take the phone.)

    Me: “Hello this is [name], how can I help you?”

    Caller: “Did you just help a girl find a book?”

    Me: “Yes, it was a copy of the new Margaret Atwood book. Would you like a copy?”

    Caller: “Is that like a code or something?”

    Me: “Sorry?”

    Caller: “Someone asks for that book and you go home with them?”

    Me: “Sir, she just happened to be a friend of mine. We made plans to hang out later today. Can I help you find a book?”

    Caller: “Oh, so is there a book code that means I can have a threesome with you two?”

    Me: “Uh…”

    Caller: “Wait, are you the one with big boobs or no boobs?”

    Don’t Get Your Pantyhose In A Twist

    | Canada | Rude & Risque, Spouses & Partners

    (The phone rings. My co-worker, a very proper, older lady, answers it.)

    Coworker: “Thank you for calling [name of store] Beauty Department. How may I help you?”

    Caller: “Do you have pantyhose on?”

    Coworker: “I beg your pardon?”

    Caller: “Do you have pantyhose on?”

    Coworker: *shocked* “Oh my! Such filth! I have never in my life!”

    (She hangs up and runs to the break room completely flustered. A minute later the phone rings again and I answer it this time.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [store name] Beauty Department, how may I help you?”

    Caller: “Yes hello, I would like to know if you have pantyhose on sale this week? My husband called to check for me a moment ago and somebody hung up on him.”

    Please, Take A Crap

    | West Midlands, UK | Food & Drink, Rude & Risque

    Me: “Hello, what can I get for you?”

    Customer: “I’d like a crap, please.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, could you repeat that?”

    Customer: “I’d like a crap with sugar and lemon, please.”

    Me: “Oh, I see! A crepe with sugar and lemon.”

    Customer: “Yes, that’s what I said. A crap with sugar and lemon!”


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