For those who like their humor a bit more PG-13, this section is littered with customers who are not afraid to walk on the more brazen side, or act downright gross-out disgusting. Be warned though that toilet humor sometimes literally takes place in the toilet.
Parent: "It’s ridiculous that I’m expected to give my information for my daughter to go to college. My parents didn’t pay for my college and I’m not paying for hers. I’m not giving it!"
Me: "Sir, these are the federal government’s regulations. According to the government, until your daughter is 23, married, or has a dependent of her own, she needs to provide your financial information."
Parent: "So, you’re saying if she gets married or knocked up, I don’t have to take care of her?"
Me: "Um…technically, yes."
Parent: *to daughter* "That’s it. You know what you have to do. You need to get pregnant now."
Daughter: *looking mortified and whining to her father* "Daaaad!"
Parent: "I’m serious. If you want to go to college then you’re throwing out your pills and getting yourself knocked up."
(Around 2 a.m, a man comes in and is searching up and down the aisle I am stocking.)
Me: "Hello sir, can I help you find anything?"
Customer: "No, it’s much too embarrassing to ask for."
Me: "Okay, well let me know."
(He walks away and continues searching. Five minutes later he’s back.)
Customer: "I’ve decided I don’t care how embarrassing it is."
Customer: "Where’s the lube!?"
Me: "Thank you for calling [Hospital]. How may I help you?"”
Caller: "I would like to know where people go to buy those cups."
Me: What kind of cups are you looking for, sir?"
Caller: "Sample cups."
Me: "Sample cups? Do you mean like for a urine sample?"
Caller: "Yeah! I need quite a few."
Me: "I guess you could get them at a medical supply company. Have you tried that?"
Caller: "Oh boy! Thank you, lady! You have helped me so much! See, I am looking for work and most places require a urine test. I want to have my samples all ready to go!"
(A young male customer is paying by card.)
Me: "We’re having problems with our machine at the moment, so when you put it in, just make sure you give it a good wiggle."
Customer: *mumbles* "That’s what she said."
Me: *I laugh*
Customer: "Oh God, did I say it out loud again?!"
(I am assisting a man holding a small and medium shirt.)
Me: “Can I help you?”
Customer: “I’m just thinking about S and M.”
Me: “I’ll leave you to that, then.”