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    Category: Rude & Risque

    For those who like their humor a bit more PG-13, this section is littered with customers who are not afraid to walk on the more brazen side, or act downright gross-out disgusting. Be warned though that toilet humor sometimes literally takes place in the toilet.

    The Color Is Titillating Pink

    | Auburn Hills, MI, USA | Rude & Risque

    (I work at a novelty store. We sell, among other things, adult “love toys”, one of which is made to look like a tube of lipstick to provide some discretion. A woman in her mid 30s sets one on the counter.)

    Customer: “Do you know what color this is?”

    Me: “It’s hot pink, ma’am.”

    Customer: “Even when you put it on?”

    Me: “Ma’am, this isn’t really a lipstick.”

    Customer: *confused* “Then, what is it?”

    Me: “It’s a vibrator, miss.”

    Customer: “Oh! Oh my…I don’t think I want this anymore.”

    The Horrors Of Mispronunciation

    | Gilbert, AZ, USA | Rude & Risque

    (I am working the counter when a confused-looking customer approaches me.)

    Customer: “Do you have any horror movies?”

    Me: “Yes, the horror section is over there, past action.”

    Customer: “No, no! I mean horror movies.”

    Me: “Right, horror movies. Like, scary movies, right?”

    Customer: *growing agitated* “No! I mean horror movies!”

    (He keeps giving the word slightly suggestive emphasis, so I start to wonder if he’s trying to say something else. He keeps carefully enunciating the whole word, including the last syllable.)

    Me: “You are saying ‘horr-OR’ movies, right? Like The Exorcist, Scream, Nightmare on Elm Street?”

    Customer: “No! Horror movies. You know, adult movies!”

    Contents Need Not Be Revealed

    | Orlando, FL, USA | Rude & Risque

    (A customer walks in with an expensive 4G phone. It comes pre-loaded with the Iron Man 2 movie on the SD card.)

    Me: “Welcome to [store]! How can I help you?”

    Customer: “I have a problem. When I click on the Iron Man icon, it says ‘wrong memory card’. Why is that?”

    Me: “Is that the original memory card that came with the phone?”

    Customer: “No.”

    Me: “The movie is on the original memory card.”

    Customer: “So, why isn’t it working?”

    Me: “Because you changed memory cards.”

    Customer: “Why’d I do that?”

    Me: “I couldn’t tell you why you changed it.”

    Customer: “Oh! This one had my porn!”

    (The customer waves and walks out.)

    Related:
    Please, Say No More
    Too Much Information, Part 6
    Way, Way, Way Too Much Information
    Way, Way Too Much Information
    Way Too Much Information
    TMI Redux
    TMI (Too Much Information)

    Vulgar Verbage

    , | Colchester, CT, USA | Rude & Risque

    (I am making casual conversation with a pleasant customer, who is however, somewhat odd. At some point, a coworker of mine joins the conversation.)

    Customer: “Hey, those shirts look kinda tight on you guys.”

    Me: “Yeah, the green sizes run smaller than the blue ones, I think.”

    (The customer points to my coworker.)

    Customer: “Yeah, her shirt is like, vagina-ing open on her chest.”

    Accessories Are Contagious

    | Philadelphia, PA, USA | Rude & Risque

    (This happens just after a customer finishes purchasing a phone and is asking what accessories it comes with.)

    Customer: “So this comes with an STD card, right?”

    Me: “An SD card?”

    Customer: *realizing what she said* “OH! I meant an SD card! Oh my God!”


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