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    Category: Rude & Risque

    For those who like their humor a bit more PG-13, this section is littered with customers who are not afraid to walk on the more brazen side, or act downright gross-out disgusting. Be warned though that toilet humor sometimes literally takes place in the toilet.

    Gravity, The Universal Mood Killer, Part 2

    | Germany | Rude & Risque

    (I’m a customer, and overhear an elderly gentleman and the hairdresser who is cutting his hair. The gentleman’s wife is present, too.)

    Hairdresser: “Do you want me to take off any more on the top of your head?”

    Customer: “Yes, yes, go ahead!”

    Hairdresser: “All right, but if I cut it any shorter, the hair up there will be standing on end.”

    Customer’s wife: “Well, at least something will still be standing erect, then.”

    Some Networks Can Never Be Found

    | USA | Rude & Risque, Technology

    Customer: “I’m getting really frustrated with this!”

    Me: “Ma’am, what seems to be the issue?”

    Customer: “My ‘G spot’ won’t turn on.”

    Me: “Ma’am, do you mean your hotspot?”

    Customer: “Yeah, hotspot, ‘G spot’. It won’t work.”

    Me: “Has it worked before?”

    (I lose it at this point and cannot recall the rest. She continues to call it the ‘G spot’ for the remainder of the call. And yes, I did fix it.)

    Gravity, The Universal Mood Killer

    | Brisbane, Australia | Rude & Risque

    (A middle-aged man approaches my register with a carton of beer, which he struggles to lift onto the counter.)

    Customer: “I must be getting old. I can’t even get it up anymore!”

    (There’s a long awkward silence as he realizes what he said.)

    Customer: “Oh…I’m so sorry!”

    Desperate Drive-Thru-Wives

    , | Fort Wayne, IN, USA | Rude & Risque

    (I’m presenting at the drive-thru of a well-known franchise. A van full of women in their 30s and 40s pulls up. I hand them their drinks and proceed to make small talk with them while waiting for my runner to finish assembling the meal.)

    Me: “So, it’ll be just a moment and your food will be ready!”

    (As I talk to the driver, she pulls a weird, thick, peach-colored item from her bag. She and her friends start laughing.)

    Driver: “Oh, that’s fine, honey! Take your time!”

    Me: “Haha, all…right…”

    (Suddenly, I realize what the item is. It’s a phallic-shaped pen.)

    Me: “That’s…um. That’s an interesting pen you have there, haha!”

    Driver: *waving it around* “Oh yes, isn’t it?”

    Me: “Er…yes! Here’s your food! You have a good day, now!”

    Driver: “Oh, I don’t think this is big enough, but I’ll try!”

    (All the women in the van laugh as they drive off.)

    Me: *speechless*

    TMI On The VJ, Toots

    | Louisiana, USA | Rude & Risque

    (An elderly woman approaches my counter at work.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, young man, but is your grandfather’s name Sean?”

    Me: “No, ma’am, why do you ask?”

    Customer: “You look just like the sailor I celebrated VJ Day with!” *winks*

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