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    Category: Rude & Risque

    For those who like their humor a bit more PG-13, this section is littered with customers who are not afraid to walk on the more brazen side, or act downright gross-out disgusting. Be warned though that toilet humor sometimes literally takes place in the toilet.

    Bread Is In The Eye Of The Beholder

    | Australia | Rude & Risque, Top

    Manager: *laughing* “You’re gonna love this. There was a complaint against you.”

    Me: “Oh, okay?”

    Manager: “Apparently you…um, package bread sticks suggestively.”

    Me: “Pardon?”

    Manager: “Yeah. This is what the actual complaint says: ‘She slid the bread stick into the paper bag while looking at my husband and smiling. I just know she was trying to flirt with him! We couldn’t even eat it, thanks to that hussy!’”

    (My manager and I crack up laughing. I’m a lesbian.)

    You Got The Wrong(est) Audition

    , | California, USA | At The Checkout, Rude & Risque

    (I’m working a register as a odd looking man approaches me.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, sexy, I have a complaint.”

    (I just ignore the “sexy” part and move on.)

    Me: “What’s the problem, sir?”

    Customer: “That’s not your line! Do you want me in this f***ing porno or what?!”

    Me: “Excuse me?!”

    Customer: “You aren’t the girl, are you?”

    Me: “Um…I’m afraid not.”

    Customer: “Oh, okay, then! Have a good day, miss! God bless you!”

    Me: *speechless*

    Related:
    You Got The Wrong(est) Number, Part 5
    You Got The Wrong(est) Number, Part 4
    You Got The Wrong(est) Number, Part 3
    You Got The Wrong(est) Number, Part 2
    You Got The Wrong(est) Number

    Keep That Mustache To Yourself

    | Miramar Beach, FL, USA | Food & Drink, Rude & Risque

    (I am a hostess at a rather upscale restaurant. A couple walks in and the man has a particularly impressive handlebar mustache. I usually chat with guests while I’m seating them.)

    Me: “So, [server] is your server tonight. She’ll be taking great care of you.”

    Customer: “Can [server] give us a good discount?”

    Me: *laughing* “I’m sure if you take it up with her she’ll consider it. You might want to twist that ‘stache in a debonair fashion to convince her.”

    Customer: “I can offer a mustache ride.”

    Me: “I’m going to pretend I didn’t hear that.”

    Girlfriend: “Thank you.”

    Red Light ATM

    | Melbourne, Australia | Rude & Risque

    (I am a cashier serving an elderly woman in her 70′s or 80′s. I have just finished scanning her items and she is handing me the money after looking through her purse for several minutes.)

    Customer: “Here you go, dear. I was a bit worried for a moment that I wouldn’t have enough money! I thought I might have to…well, you’re probably to young to know.”

    Me: “What’s that, ma’am?”

    Customer: “Well, I thought I might have to go down to [well known brothel] and stand out on the street. You know, earn some fast cash!”

    Me: *speechless*

    Customer: *laughing* “You have a lovely day now!”

    We Like Our Innuendos Freshly Baked

    | Hagerstown, MD, USA | Food & Drink, Rude & Risque

    (I’m working check out as a gay couple comes up to my line with a dozen or so bananas.)

    Customer: “So, what do you think two gay men are going to do with this many bananas?”

    Me: *playing along* “Uh, make phallic jokes, then eat them?”

    Customer: “Well, yeah, but we’re making banana bread!”


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