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    Category: Rude & Risque

    For those who like their humor a bit more PG-13, this section is littered with customers who are not afraid to walk on the more brazen side, or act downright gross-out disgusting. Be warned though that toilet humor sometimes literally takes place in the toilet.

    Shocking Mystery Solved

    | Phoenix, AZ, USA | Bizarre, Religion, Rude & Risque, Top

    (I work in the call center of a public library. Occasionally, we get strange callers just because it is free and we are required to talk to them.)

    Caller: “You need to help me! The Mormons are giving electric shocks to my genitals through my windows!”

    Me: “Um, this is a library, I’m not sure what—”

    Caller: “You have to help me! I called the police but they won’t help me. They say I’m crazy. It’s the Mormons! They keep shocking my genitals!”

    Me: “Well, uh, let me put you on hold for a second.”

    (I put her on hold and call out the situation to the other librarians in the call center. One of them happens to be Mormon.)

    Me: “I have a caller who claims Mormons are shocking her genitals through her windows.”

    Mormon coworker: “We are.”

    Vegetable Innuendos

    | Chico, CA, USA | Food & Drink, Rude & Risque

    (I’m at the farmer’s market selling cucumbers when two little old ladies come up.)

    Little Old Lady #1: “Those are some nice cucumbers.”

    Little Old Lady #2, to #1: “I’ve got a nice bug cucumber back at home for you.”

    Little Old Lady #1, to me: “I’m sorry you had to hear that.”

    Also Check Out The Endless “What People Think I Do” Charts

    , | Ohio, USA | Rude & Risque

    (I am a customer at a restaurant. I’m wearing a shirt from a popular web comic. A woman, also a customer, approaches me.)

    Customer: “I love your shirt!”

    Me: “Aw, thanks! Are you a fan of [web comic]?”

    Customer: “No, I’ve never heard of it, but your shirt is so cute. I just have to have one! Where did you get it?”

    Me: “I bought it online. Do you want the name of the website?”

    Customer: *suddenly huffy and angry* “Excuse me?”

    Me: “Um, do you want the name of the place on the internet that I ordered the shirt from?”

    Customer: “Do you think I’m stupid? Are you trying to trick me? There’s no such thing as a website with shirts on it! The only things on the internet are porn and pedophiles!”

    Me: *completely speechless*

    Nearby customer: “Ma’am, could you please settle down? There are children around, and I’m sure their parents don’t want them hearing about–”

    Customer: “Porn and pedophiles!” *rushes out of restaurant*

    Plundered Pleasures

    | USA | Rude & Risque

    (I work in a department that deals with mail theft, identity theft, etc.)

    Customer: “This cost me $1000!”

    Me: “I’m sorry to hear it hasn’t arrived yet.”

    Customer: “They stole it! They knew it was the ‘pleasurable things’!”

    Me: “I’m sorry?”

    Customer: “D*** them! They stole the ‘pleasurable things’ to go in my special lady parts! I want you to tell the inspectors that!”

    Me: “I’ve put that in the notes.”

    Customer: “Read it back to me!”

    Me: *reading my notes*She has not received a package of personal items valued at $1000.”

    Customer: “That’s not right! You didn’t put in the bit about my special lady parts!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. I was just summ—”

    Customer: “Tell them they stole the ‘pleasurable stuff’ for my special lady parts!”

    Me: “Okay, it now reads, ‘She has not received $1000 of pleasurable stuff for her special lady parts. She suspects that the postal workers were the thieves.’”

    Customer: “GOOD!”

    Gravity, The Universal Mood Killer, Part 2

    | Germany | Rude & Risque

    (I’m a customer, and overhear an elderly gentleman and the hairdresser who is cutting his hair. The gentleman’s wife is present, too.)

    Hairdresser: “Do you want me to take off any more on the top of your head?”

    Customer: “Yes, yes, go ahead!”

    Hairdresser: “All right, but if I cut it any shorter, the hair up there will be standing on end.”

    Customer’s wife: “Well, at least something will still be standing erect, then.”

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