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    Category: Rude & Risque

    For those who like their humor a bit more PG-13, this section is littered with customers who are not afraid to walk on the more brazen side, or act downright gross-out disgusting. Be warned though that toilet humor sometimes literally takes place in the toilet.

    Also Check Out The Endless “What People Think I Do” Charts

    , | Ohio, USA | Rude & Risque

    (I am a customer at a restaurant. I’m wearing a shirt from a popular web comic. A woman, also a customer, approaches me.)

    Customer: “I love your shirt!”

    Me: “Aw, thanks! Are you a fan of [web comic]?”

    Customer: “No, I’ve never heard of it, but your shirt is so cute. I just have to have one! Where did you get it?”

    Me: “I bought it online. Do you want the name of the website?”

    Customer: *suddenly huffy and angry* “Excuse me?”

    Me: “Um, do you want the name of the place on the internet that I ordered the shirt from?”

    Customer: “Do you think I’m stupid? Are you trying to trick me? There’s no such thing as a website with shirts on it! The only things on the internet are porn and pedophiles!”

    Me: *completely speechless*

    Nearby customer: “Ma’am, could you please settle down? There are children around, and I’m sure their parents don’t want them hearing about–”

    Customer: “Porn and pedophiles!” *rushes out of restaurant*

    Plundered Pleasures

    | USA | Rude & Risque

    (I work in a department that deals with mail theft, identity theft, etc.)

    Customer: “This cost me $1000!”

    Me: “I’m sorry to hear it hasn’t arrived yet.”

    Customer: “They stole it! They knew it was the ‘pleasurable things’!”

    Me: “I’m sorry?”

    Customer: “D*** them! They stole the ‘pleasurable things’ to go in my special lady parts! I want you to tell the inspectors that!”

    Me: “I’ve put that in the notes.”

    Customer: “Read it back to me!”

    Me: *reading my notes*She has not received a package of personal items valued at $1000.”

    Customer: “That’s not right! You didn’t put in the bit about my special lady parts!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. I was just summ—”

    Customer: “Tell them they stole the ‘pleasurable stuff’ for my special lady parts!”

    Me: “Okay, it now reads, ‘She has not received $1000 of pleasurable stuff for her special lady parts. She suspects that the postal workers were the thieves.’”

    Customer: “GOOD!”

    Gravity, The Universal Mood Killer, Part 2

    | Germany | Rude & Risque

    (I’m a customer, and overhear an elderly gentleman and the hairdresser who is cutting his hair. The gentleman’s wife is present, too.)

    Hairdresser: “Do you want me to take off any more on the top of your head?”

    Customer: “Yes, yes, go ahead!”

    Hairdresser: “All right, but if I cut it any shorter, the hair up there will be standing on end.”

    Customer’s wife: “Well, at least something will still be standing erect, then.”

    Some Networks Can Never Be Found

    | USA | Rude & Risque, Technology

    Customer: “I’m getting really frustrated with this!”

    Me: “Ma’am, what seems to be the issue?”

    Customer: “My ‘G spot’ won’t turn on.”

    Me: “Ma’am, do you mean your hotspot?”

    Customer: “Yeah, hotspot, ‘G spot’. It won’t work.”

    Me: “Has it worked before?”

    (I lose it at this point and cannot recall the rest. She continues to call it the ‘G spot’ for the remainder of the call. And yes, I did fix it.)

    Gravity, The Universal Mood Killer

    | Brisbane, Australia | Rude & Risque

    (A middle-aged man approaches my register with a carton of beer, which he struggles to lift onto the counter.)

    Customer: “I must be getting old. I can’t even get it up anymore!”

    (There’s a long awkward silence as he realizes what he said.)

    Customer: “Oh…I’m so sorry!”


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