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    Category: Rude & Risque

    For those who like their humor a bit more PG-13, this section is littered with customers who are not afraid to walk on the more brazen side, or act downright gross-out disgusting. Be warned though that toilet humor sometimes literally takes place in the toilet.

    Homophones Are Never As Satisfying

    | Toronto, Canada | Books & Reading, Rude & Risque

    Customer: “Excuse me, do you have any copies of Sexadon?”

    Me: “Do you mean Sex At Dawn? It’s a bestseller.”

    Customer: “No, I’m pretty sure the one I want is titled Sexadon. You know, like the dinosaur of sex?”

    (For the heck of it, I double-check our inventory, the Books In Print index, and all the Amazons. There is no book called Sexadon.)

    Customer: *disappointed* “Man, I really thought that was the title.”

    (In the end, he bought Sex At Dawn, but clearly wasn’t happy about it!)

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    Not A Measure Of Intelligence

    | New Hampshire, USA | Rude & Risque

    (I am helping a customer load some insulation. We were unsure if it would fit. This occurs after it did, in fact, fit.)

    Customer: “The insulation fit by like that much huh?”

    (The customer holds out hands gesturing about a foot in length.)

    Me: “Yeah, I guess so!”

    Customer: “Wanna know how I knew it would fit?”

    Me: “How?”

    Customer: “Because that’s the size of my c–”

    Me: “OKAY! Have a good day!”

    The Genie Ate The Punchline

    | Christchurch, New Zealand | Rude & Risque

    (I am ringing up a customer and he is ready to pay by credit card. I hold my hand out to swipe his card for him, but he refuses.)

    Customer: “Oh, no, let me swipe it!”

    Me: “Okay, right down there when you’re ready.”

    Customer: “It’s a bit hard to handle.”

    (I say nothing and finish the transaction.)

    Customer: “You just have to know how to stroke it the right way, you know?”

    Me: “Uh, yeah. Sure!”

    Customer: “It’s funny, because it sounds sexual.”

    Getting Pork(ed)

    | Massachusetts, USA | Food & Drink, Rude & Risque

    Customer: “I would like a pound of vagina ham.”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “A pound of vagina ham, please!”

    Me: “Don’t you mean Virginia ham?”

    Customer: “Virginia ham, vagina ham, whatever! Just give me a pound of it.”

    Me: “Anything else?”

    Customer: “Yeah, slice it real nice.”

    She Puts The Bra In Bravado

    | San Diego, CA, USA | Rude & Risque

    (I work in a lingerie store. I am standing at the front greeting customers when a woman in a full business suit walks in.)

    Me: “Welcome, how can I help you today?”

    (She unbuttons her shirt to the waist in order to reveal a ratty bra that is at least five years old.)

    Woman: “Yeah, where can I find this bra?”

    Me: “Um, I don’t think we carry that style anymore, but I can send you back to the fitting room where they can help you find a nice alternative.”

    Woman: *still with her shirt unbuttoned* “Sure, sounds great.”

    Me: “Okay, can I get your name and size?”

    Woman: “Oh, I can’t remember my size. Just check the back of my bra for me, would you?

    (She then begins to take off the rest of her shirt in the front of the store.)

    Me: “Let’s just send you back to the fitting room right now…”


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