Featured Story:
  • Got A Tip-Off About Grandpa’s Antics
    (2,269 thumbs up)
  • February Theme Of The Month: Hazardous Customers!
    Submit your story today!

    Category: Rude & Risque

    For those who like their humor a bit more PG-13, this section is littered with customers who are not afraid to walk on the more brazen side, or act downright gross-out disgusting. Be warned though that toilet humor sometimes literally takes place in the toilet.

    Great Service, With Ifs And Butts

    | Tampa Bay, FL, USA | Hotels & Lodging, Rude & Risque

    (I am a concierge at an historic hotel in the downtown area, and a common call that I receive is to deal with is customers losing items in the rooms.)

    Me: “Hello, and thank you for calling [hotel]. This is [my name]. How can I be of service?”

    Caller: “Hello, my name is [name] and I stayed a few nights there last weekend, from Friday to Sunday. I believe I may have, um, left some… jewellery in the room.”

    Me: “Ah, well, I would be glad to ring the maid service and have them check their lost and found. Could you describe the item that you’re looking for?”

    Caller: “Well, that’s the thing. You see, I kind of want you to be discreet about this.”

    Me: “Of course sir; if you wish, I will check for the item myself.”

    Caller: “That would be great. Now, what I’m looking for is very expensive; it’s silver with several small diamonds in it.”

    Me: “Okay, sir, but what exactly is it?”

    Caller: *obviously flustered at this point* “Well, um, it’s a…” *in a whisper* “…butt plug.”

    Me: *I wasn’t really sure that I heard what I just heard.* “Excuse me, sir?”

    Caller: “A butt plug? You know, for…”

    Me:*interrupting* “Oh, yes, yes. I understand. Let me have your contact information and I will check the lost and found. But, to be honest, it is possible that it was thrown away, considering.”

    Caller: “Oh, I hope not, that thing was very expensive! To be honest, I really just need to be careful where I leave that thing.”

    (I almost died holding back laughter at this point.)

    Caller: “Well, if it shows up you can call me at [phone number]. Thank you, young man, you’ve been very helpful. Just let me know!”

    18 And Blunder, Part 2

    | Bangor, ME, USA | Family & Kids, Rude & Risque, Top

    (I work in a store that carries all kinds of DVDs, from G-rated all the way up to X and everything in-between. A boy, no older than 12, brings a soft-core pornography DVD up to my register.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, but I can’t sell this to you.”

    Boy: “Why not?!”

    Me: “It’s inappropriate for someone of your age.”

    Boy: “My mom said I could have it!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but I still can’t sell it to you.”

    (The boy storms out of the store.)

    Co-worker: “Can you believe that?  Like his mom really said he could have that!”

    Me: “I know. Either he’s lying, or his mom only said he could have it because she doesn’t know what it’s about.”

    (Shortly thereafter the boy returns to the store with his mom. His mom stomps around the store, gets the DVD, and slams it down in front of me.)

    Mom: “I can’t believe I had to get out of the car for this!  You should have just sold it to him! He told you that I said he could have it!”

    Me: “I’m sorry for the inconvenience, but I can’t sell that video to anyone under the age of 18.”

    Mom: “Why not? Discrimination?”

    Me: “Not at all. It just contains things that most people feel is inappropriate for a child to see.”

    (The mom picks up the DVD and examines it for the first time. She looks at the front and then starts reading the back. The more she reads, the wider her eyes get. All of a sudden she drops the DVD and starts spanking her son’s butt. She drags him out of the store by his arm.)

    Boy: “But mom, you said I could have it!”

    Mom: “I didn’t know what it was about! I’m so embarrassed! I can’t believe I almost bought you porn!”

    Related:
    18 And Blunder

    He Is Twice The Man

    | Orlando, FL, USA | Health & Body, Rude & Risque, Top

    (For the Halloween season, we’re running several horror houses, which aren’t otherwise open throughout the year. Light-up devices aren’t allowed inside any of the houses, and as a queue supervisor, I’ve been warning people of this via a cute spiel I made up.)

    Me: “There are no light-up devices allowed inside. It will make it easier to find you, and you will be eaten alive most violently!”

    (At this point, a guest, who seems to have had both legs amputated and is in a wheelchair, speaks up.)

    Guest: “But I’ve already been half-eaten!”

    Someone Freed Willy

    | College Station, TX, USA | Hotels & Lodging, Rude & Risque

    (I am a manager at a local hotel. I’m manning the phones.) 

    Me:” Thank you for calling [hotel name], how can I help you?”

    Caller: “Hello, I stayed at your hotel last weekend. I just wanted to let you know that there was a man without his pants on at the pool area.”

    Me: “I’m sorry you had to witness that, sir.”

    Caller: “Oh, it’s no problem. It was just awkward because his ‘willy’ was hanging.” 

    Me: “Sir?”

    Caller: “Well, it must have been a 10-incher because my wife is still talking about it ’til this day!”

    A Touchy Subject

    | USA | Family & Kids, Rude & Risque

    (My partner and I are certified EMTs. We are answering a 911 response for a minor having a seizure.)

    Mother: “Oh, thank god! My son is in his room and was violently shaking! I think he had a seizure!”

    (At this point my partner goes in to see the teenage son, who is sitting in his bed and is not showing any symptoms of recently having a seizure. I am still getting information from the mother when my partner returns.)

    My Partner: *to me* “You can stop getting info.” *to mother* “Ma’am, with all due respect needed, you’re son did not have a seizure, he was umm… well, no easy way to put this, but he was masturbating.”

    Mother: “That’s impossible! How dare you accuse my son of such a vile sin! He knows better! He’s a good Christian boy and would never touch himself in such a horrible way! You will transport him to the hospital for proper treatment for his seizure!”

    Me: “Ma’am, your son is admitting to my partner what he was doing. He is not showing any symptoms of coming out of an actual seizure. There is no medical condition here for anyone to treat. I don’t think there is a need for him to go to the hospital.”

    Mother: “You will take him to the hospital! He needs treatment!”

    (After 15 unsuccessful minutes of trying to get the mother to cooperate, it’s obvious she wasn’t going to. We ended up having to transport her son to the ER. Needless to say, he was mortified and was quickly discharged.)

    Page 37/69First...3536373839...Last