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  • Customer Service Is Over(reaction)
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    Category: Rude & Risque

    For those who like their humor a bit more PG-13, this section is littered with customers who are not afraid to walk on the more brazen side, or act downright gross-out disgusting. Be warned though that toilet humor sometimes literally takes place in the toilet.

    Young (At Heart), Wild, And Free

    | Seattle, WA, USA | Rude & Risque

    (I am doing a pat down on an older woman in a wheelchair. As I clear each area, I’m letting the woman know that I am moving to a new area. Fairly quickly, it becomes obvious that the woman is intoxicated.)

    Me: “Okay, ma’am, I’m going to clear your back now.”

    Woman: *throws her arms out and says quite loudly* “Honey, I’m loaded! You can do whatever you want to me!”

    Show But Don’t Tell

    | North Canton, OH, USA | Rude & Risque

    (A female customer, approximately 18 years old, is asking a coworker of mine about our bikinis.)

    Customer: “Do you guys, like, carry any bikini bottoms in white?”

    Me: “I don’t think we have any. Not a lot of stores stock white bikinis.” *chuckling* “After all, you can see right through white fabric when it gets wet!”

    Customer: *completely serious* “Yeah, duh. That’s why I want them!”

    They Are Not The Toys You Are Looking For

    | St. Catharines, Ontario, Canada | Rude & Risque

    (A woman calls into the store. She’s speaking very quietly and I have to ask her several times to repeat herself. Finally I make out something.)

    Woman: “Do you sell vibrators?”

    Me: *pause* “Um, ma’am, I’m going to have to ask you again to repeat what you said. I really don’t think we sell what I think you said.”

    Woman: “Vibrators.”

    Me: “No. No, we don’t.”

    Woman: “Isn’t this The Love Shop?”

    Me: “No, ma’am, this is Toys-R-Us.”

    Related:
    They Are Not The Balls You Are Looking For

    Pray That It Be Rhetorical

    | UK | Rude & Risque

    (We have a policy of “up-selling” specific products, meaning we offer them to every customers. This particular week, we’re up-selling pineapples. A middle-aged man approaches the till and I process his items.)

    Me: “Thank you. That’ll be £X.XX. Would you like a pineapple? They’re only £1.”

    Customer: “Would you like to rip my trousers off and have your wild way with me?”

    Me: *speechless*

    Customer: “We all have questions.” *pays and leaves as if this is normal*

    They Are Not The Balls You Are Looking For

    | Gulfport, MS, USA | Language & Words, Rude & Risque

    (Note: I am a male. It’s the week of Easter and I’m walking through the store, when suddenly I hear someone scream at me.)

    Customer: “You don’t have any balls, do you?!”

    (I stop in my tracks, shocked. I turn around to see a little old lady.)

    Me: *laughing, embarrassed* “Um, what?”

    Customer: “Little balls!”

    (She shows me how small with her fingers. I stare at her, dumbfounded, jaw-dropped, and shrug.)

    Customer: “You know, the chocolate Easter balls!”

    Me: *erupting in laughter* “Oh, yeah, they’re right this way…”


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