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    Category: Rude & Risque

    For those who like their humor a bit more PG-13, this section is littered with customers who are not afraid to walk on the more brazen side, or act downright gross-out disgusting. Be warned though that toilet humor sometimes literally takes place in the toilet.

    Uninformed About A Badly Formed Uniform

    | AB, Canada | Bad Behavior, Rude & Risque, Theme Of The Month, Wild & Unruly

    (I’m female, work in an electronics store and I have a fairly large chest. The uniform the company provides doesn’t really cover everything, so I wear a shirt underneath to cover my cleavage.)

    Customer: “Do you have no modesty?! Cover yourself!”

    Me: “Pardon?”

    Customer: “Women with breasts like that shouldn’t be flaunting about. This isn’t a night club!”

    Me: “I’m sorry ma’am, but I’m fairly certain I have everything covered. If you have a problem with my uniform, may I suggest you bring it up with my manager?”

    (At this point she walks away, mumbling to herself. Anytime I see her, she’s glaring at me. Some time later she approaches me again.)

    Customer: “You think you’re so special, don’t you? Probably take men out to the back and give them a show for tips! I bet that’s just a part of some skanky lingerie under there!” *pointing to my camisole I’m wearing under my top*

    Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry but I’m going to have to ask you to take your things to the front to pay for them and let me get back to work here.”

    (At this point she lunges at me and attempts to rip my shirt off. She actually snaps off a few of the buttons in the process. A co-worker and my manager drag her off of me and out of the store.)

    Manager: “Well… that was a show!”

    (He gave me the last couple hours of my shift off and some cash to go buy a new shirt. Didn’t have to wear that uniform anymore!)

    Ink And You’ll Miss It

    | Gainesville, FL, USA | Rude & Risque, School

    (Our university has been around for a while. As such our mascot, Albert, has changed a bit over the years. I overhear an amusing conversation at a register next to me, the Sunday after a big win. Customer #1 is buying a shirt with the old-style Albert on it.)

    Customer #2: “Man! The old style Albert is so lame looking!”

    Customer #1: “Dude, what about the one on your butt?!”

    Customer #2: “Oh, yeah!”

    Coworker: *laughing* “Yeah, right.”

    Customer #2: “Nope!”

    (Customer #2 pulls down his pants just a bit, but at this time I can’t see it.)

    Coworker: “I thought you were joking!”

    (Customer #2 laughs and moves over to my register, as I’m now free.)

    Coworker: “Wait, can I see that tattoo again?”

    Customer #2: “Sure!”

    (He pulls his pants down a bit again, and this time I can see the ‘old style’ Albert indeed tattooed on his butt.)

    Customer #2: “Yeah, never get a tattoo while drunk.”

    Nothing’s Gonna Save His Sole

    | VA, USA | Religion, Rude & Risque

    (I work at a religious call center that takes prayer requests for the people who call in. It’s late on Sunday night.)

    Caller: “Hi, I want prayer.”

    Me: “Certainly, sir. What can I pray for you?”

    Caller: “Are you wearing shoes?”

    Me: “Yes, sir, I am wearing shoes. What can I pray for you?”

    Caller: “Can you take your shoes off?”

    Me: “No, sir, we have a dress code. I can’t take my shoes off. ”

    Caller: “Are you wearing high heels?”

    Me: “No, sir. What can I pray for you?”

    Caller: “What shoes are you wearing?” *in rapid succession* “Sandals, sling backs, sneakers, flip flops—”

    Me: “Sir, I can’t talk about my shoes with you.”

    Caller: *click*

    Try To Keep A Poke Face

    | WI, USA | Rude & Risque

    (An old man comes up to purchase a pair of shoes. I am nearby while my manager rings it up.)

    Manager: “Now, hold onto your receipt, because you can use it anytime to get another pair half price!”

    Customer: “Oh, I doubt I’ll get to use it. I’ll probably be dead before I need new shoes again.”

    Manager: “Oh, don’t say that! You’ve got to stay positive!”

    Customer: “Ah, when you get to be my age, all the ‘positive’ gets used up. First you can’t poke it no more, and then it just goes downhill from there!” *leaves*

    In The Pubic Eye

    | Singapore | Rude & Risque

    (I work at a underwear store that sells both female and male underwear and sleepwear. I’m a female and the customer is a male. The shop is quite small.)

    Me: “Hi, welcome. How can I assist you?”

    Customer: “Er, do you have any new pyjama shorts?” *points at the ladies section*

    Me: “Sorry, we don’t have any new stock currently. Is there something else you would like to buy?”

    Customer: “What about the panties?”

    Me: “Oh, yes. We have new stocks for those; they just came in yesterday. They are all there.”

    Customer: “Oh, yeah, they are new! What size do you think I’m wearing?”

    Me: *already in a state of shock* “Oh, I think if it was you a size ‘M’ would be alright.”

    Customer: “But I was previously wearing size ‘S’!”

    (He pulls down his pants and “shows” me. Some things you can never unsee.)

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