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    Category: Rude & Risque

    For those who like their humor a bit more PG-13, this section is littered with customers who are not afraid to walk on the more brazen side, or act downright gross-out disgusting. Be warned though that toilet humor sometimes literally takes place in the toilet.

    When Tank Top Complaints Tank

    | MA, USA | Bigotry, Health & Body, Religion, Rude & Risque

    (I’m working third shift at a hotel and it’s my job to get most of the cleaning done. It gets rather hot so I often take off my thick work shirt and clean in just a tank top. Unbeknownst to me, our hotel is filled with a very conservative religious group of people. Two boys come to the desk while I’m wiping some things down. I’m very chesty and the tank top is slightly low cut showing off some cleavage.)

    Boy: “Hello?”

    Me: “Hey there. What can I do for you?”

    (As I turn around, I notice two boys staring at me wide eyed and slack-jawed. They are probably no older than 13 and are dressed in very traditional garb. I quickly realize my faux pas and toss on my jacket. I get everything set and they go on their way. About half an hour later, I’m back in my tank top cleaning when an irate woman storms down and starts yelling.)

    Woman: “Listen here, you little hussy! My boys are pure and sinless unlike you, you heathenish w****! How dare you dress like that and expose yourself to my boys like that! Have you no decency! Who let you out of the house like that?! I bet your husband doesn’t even know where you are! Did he let you get this job or did you sneak behind his back like the harlot you are?!”

    Me: “Actually, ma’am, I’m a lesbian and don’t ever intend to let anyone tell me how to dress or what I can and can’t do. You have no right to be here yelling at me. You came to this society; I didn’t go to yours. Therefore, you can’t expect me to bend my way of living just because you are around. I realized I was over exposed and put on a jacket but it is hot in here and I’ve got a lot of work to do and would sweat to death if I kept it on. Now, if you would please be as so kind as to let me finish working.”

    Woman: “You’re the devil’s spawn!” *storms away*

    (In the morning, a man creeps up to the desk looking rather embarrassed. I put on my jacket again, fully expecting him to lay into me as well.)

    Man: “I want to apologize for my wife last night. We understand that you aren’t a member of our religion and that you don’t have to conform to our rules. Thank you for covering up after realizing we are modest people. I am truly sorry for the way she spoke to you, and although it doesn’t excuse her insolence, I hope this helps.”

    (He hands me a fifty dollar bill, and begins to walk away.)

    Me: “Sir, you really don’t have to give me this. She was just trying to protect her children and although it was a personal attack, she was just doing what she felt necessary.”

    (He waved a hand dismissing me, and left. When they checked out, he gave me nothing but good reviews and left me another fifty to make up for his wife’s behavior. The boys left me thank you cards that I got my next shift, and a few weeks later I got a letter from the wife apologizing for the way she acted and what she said to me!)

    Uninformed About A Badly Formed Uniform

    | AB, Canada | Bad Behavior, Rude & Risque, Theme Of The Month, Wild & Unruly

    (I’m female, work in an electronics store and I have a fairly large chest. The uniform the company provides doesn’t really cover everything, so I wear a shirt underneath to cover my cleavage.)

    Customer: “Do you have no modesty?! Cover yourself!”

    Me: “Pardon?”

    Customer: “Women with breasts like that shouldn’t be flaunting about. This isn’t a night club!”

    Me: “I’m sorry ma’am, but I’m fairly certain I have everything covered. If you have a problem with my uniform, may I suggest you bring it up with my manager?”

    (At this point she walks away, mumbling to herself. Anytime I see her, she’s glaring at me. Some time later she approaches me again.)

    Customer: “You think you’re so special, don’t you? Probably take men out to the back and give them a show for tips! I bet that’s just a part of some skanky lingerie under there!” *pointing to my camisole I’m wearing under my top*

    Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry but I’m going to have to ask you to take your things to the front to pay for them and let me get back to work here.”

    (At this point she lunges at me and attempts to rip my shirt off. She actually snaps off a few of the buttons in the process. A co-worker and my manager drag her off of me and out of the store.)

    Manager: “Well… that was a show!”

    (He gave me the last couple hours of my shift off and some cash to go buy a new shirt. Didn’t have to wear that uniform anymore!)

    Ink And You’ll Miss It

    | Gainesville, FL, USA | Rude & Risque, School

    (Our university has been around for a while. As such our mascot, Albert, has changed a bit over the years. I overhear an amusing conversation at a register next to me, the Sunday after a big win. Customer #1 is buying a shirt with the old-style Albert on it.)

    Customer #2: “Man! The old style Albert is so lame looking!”

    Customer #1: “Dude, what about the one on your butt?!”

    Customer #2: “Oh, yeah!”

    Coworker: *laughing* “Yeah, right.”

    Customer #2: “Nope!”

    (Customer #2 pulls down his pants just a bit, but at this time I can’t see it.)

    Coworker: “I thought you were joking!”

    (Customer #2 laughs and moves over to my register, as I’m now free.)

    Coworker: “Wait, can I see that tattoo again?”

    Customer #2: “Sure!”

    (He pulls his pants down a bit again, and this time I can see the ‘old style’ Albert indeed tattooed on his butt.)

    Customer #2: “Yeah, never get a tattoo while drunk.”

    Nothing’s Gonna Save His Sole

    | VA, USA | Religion, Rude & Risque

    (I work at a religious call center that takes prayer requests for the people who call in. It’s late on Sunday night.)

    Caller: “Hi, I want prayer.”

    Me: “Certainly, sir. What can I pray for you?”

    Caller: “Are you wearing shoes?”

    Me: “Yes, sir, I am wearing shoes. What can I pray for you?”

    Caller: “Can you take your shoes off?”

    Me: “No, sir, we have a dress code. I can’t take my shoes off. ”

    Caller: “Are you wearing high heels?”

    Me: “No, sir. What can I pray for you?”

    Caller: “What shoes are you wearing?” *in rapid succession* “Sandals, sling backs, sneakers, flip flops—”

    Me: “Sir, I can’t talk about my shoes with you.”

    Caller: *click*

    Try To Keep A Poke Face

    | WI, USA | Rude & Risque

    (An old man comes up to purchase a pair of shoes. I am nearby while my manager rings it up.)

    Manager: “Now, hold onto your receipt, because you can use it anytime to get another pair half price!”

    Customer: “Oh, I doubt I’ll get to use it. I’ll probably be dead before I need new shoes again.”

    Manager: “Oh, don’t say that! You’ve got to stay positive!”

    Customer: “Ah, when you get to be my age, all the ‘positive’ gets used up. First you can’t poke it no more, and then it just goes downhill from there!” *leaves*

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