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    Category: Rude & Risque

    For those who like their humor a bit more PG-13, this section is littered with customers who are not afraid to walk on the more brazen side, or act downright gross-out disgusting. Be warned though that toilet humor sometimes literally takes place in the toilet.

    Three Is A Magic Number

    | Louisville, OH, USA | Bad Behavior, Rude & Risque

    (We have a coworker who keeps getting obscene, prank calls. One day I answer the phone.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [store]. How may I help you?”

    Caller: *muttering* “You can f*** me.”

    Me: “I’m sorry. Could you please repeat that?”

    Caller: “I said, you can F*** ME!”

    Me: “I’m sorry. I can’t do that over the phone. You’ll have to come into the store. Or perhaps you’d like to involve my husband for a threesome?”

    Caller: *hangs up*

    Forgive The Pun(tang)

    | Corvallis, OR, USA | Funny Names, Health & Body, Rude & Risque

    (I am working as a phone operator at the hospital. Usually people call me and I connect them to different parts of the hospital.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [Hospital]. How can I help you?”

    Caller: “Yeah. Can you connect me to the ‘vaginacologist’ please?”

    (I knew what she wanted but was stunned because I have never heard anyone say that before.)

    Me: “You mean, the gynecologist office?”

    Caller: “I don’t know what they are called. Whoever is in charge of looking at my ‘hoo haw!'”

    Red Light Bulb Moment

    | Germany | Rude & Risque, Top

    (I am in a recently opened restaurant. I overhear this conversation at the table next to me. At the table is a large family.)

    Customer: “Has there ever been another restaurant in this building? The place looks so familiar.”

    Waitress: “I do not know. The building has been vacant for many years.”

    Customer: “I remember the stained glass windows and the spiral stairs. I am sure I have been here before.”

    (Just then, another waiter passes the table.)

    Waitress: “Do you know if there has ever been another restaurant in this place?”

    Waiter: “No. Until they went out of business a few years ago this place was a brothel.”

    (There is an awkward silence at the table.)

    Totally Nuts

    | USA | Bizarre, Health & Body, Rude & Risque, Theme Of The Month

    (I work in the produce department of a large chain supermarket. As usual, greeting customers as they come in is a pretty common experience and the response is almost always the same. However, tonight, you could say, was a change of pace.)

    Me: “Hi, sir, how are you today?”

    Guy: “It’s cold as h*** in here! Is your nut-sack shriveled up in your belly like mine is?”

    Was Not Performed In Chest

    | Springfield, MO, USA | Bizarre, Rude & Risque, Theme Of The Month

    (I work in the lingerie department of a large department store. A man and his wife walk in. The wife goes to look at our clearance racks, while her husband comes up to me.)

    Man: “What bra size do you think I am?”

    (The man attempts to puff out his chest, which amounts to little as he is flat-chested. I’m kind of taken aback, but I go with it.)

    Me: “I’m not sure.”

    Man: “Well, you measure people, right? Measure me!”

    Me: “Sir, I don’t know if that’s—”

    Man: “Come on! Measure me!”

    (I grab my measuring tape and ask him to hold his arms up. He kind of dances around a bit, but I ignore him. I go to wrap the tape around his chest, which is a little awkward since I basically have to hug him.)

    Me: “You’re a 42 band size—”

    (Suddenly, the man leans in to kiss me. I jump way back.)

    Me: “Woah! Personal bubble!”

    (By now, his wife has returned. The man tries to explain.)

    Man: *to his wife* “It’s her fault! She’s giving me a look!”

    (The man and his wife leave soon after, but not before his wife comes and gives me a quick apology for her husband’s behavior!)

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