Featured Story:
  • Always Time For A Rhyme
    (2,179 thumbs up)
  • Category: Rude & Risque

    For those who like their humor a bit more PG-13, this section is littered with customers who are not afraid to walk on the more brazen side, or act downright gross-out disgusting. Be warned though that toilet humor sometimes literally takes place in the toilet.

    They Made It Through The Wilderness A While Back

    | MN, USA | Food & Drink, Rude & Risque

    (I am working at a restaurant that has only been open a few months. Since this franchise is new to the area, most people have never seen it before, and we often meet with newcomers. My boss often likes to call these newcomers ‘virgins’, since they have never tried our food. Two ladies walk in, one being the older mother of the middle aged other woman.)

    Boss: “Welcome! Have you guys ever been here before?”

    Younger Woman: “No, we haven’t. This is our first time!”

    Boss: *jokingly calling to the rest of our staff* “Looks like we’ve got some virgins here!”

    Older Woman: *completely serious* “Oh, not for a looong time.”

    Animal Attraction

    | MO, USA | Pets & Animals, Rude & Risque

    (The animal shelter I work at accepts volunteers for work. I am on shift with a volunteer, an attractive lady who is in her 20s. I am male. She is laying on the floor in the office, playing with a puppy while I do some paperwork nearby. The puppy rests his head on her bottom and falls asleep. An elderly patron who often visits the shelter to play with cats walks in.)

    Elderly Patron: “What a cute pup! Look where his head is!”

    (The patron turns to me and grins.)

    Elderly Patron: “Don’t you wish your head was where his is, young man?”

    (I almost choke.)

    Very Shy To TMI

    | USA | At The Checkout, Rude & Risque

    (I am a cripplingly shy teenage girl, in line at a dollar store. The elderly customer behind me has noticed my shirt, which says ‘Top Ten Reasons I Procrastinate:’, and is otherwise blank.)

    Customer: “Hey, I like your shirt! You know, I wanted to procrastinate, but I kept putting it off.”

    Me: *laughs nervously*

    (The man starts putting his items on the conveyor belt.)

    Customer: “We’re gonna have fuuuuun tonight.”

    (I glance back and notice that he’s buying 10 bottles of baby oil, and nothing else. I turn bright red and turn away.)

    Customer: *laughing* “Aw, I think I scared her.”

    (An elderly woman has just come up behind the elderly customer.)

    Woman: “What’s that?”

    (The customer explains what’s just happened to the woman—his wife.))

    Woman: “Oh! Haha!” *she walks up to me* “You see, things tend to dry out when you get older!”

    He Is Out-Dated

    | Scotland, UK | Love/Romance, Rude & Risque

    (I work in a call centre for a bank, and one of the security questions we use to verify cardholder identity is a memorable date. Some people try to get clever with you. I generally give them no reaction at all and just ask a different security question.)

    Me: “Can I ask you to confirm your memorable date there for me sir?”

    Customer: “Ah yes, June 9th, 1979. I met this lovely blonde woman in a bar in Soho, absolutely beautiful. She drank cocktails and we went back to mine and the things she could do kiddo, you could only imag—oh wait memorable date? Oh s***, I thought you meant…”

    Me: “Ha, that’s alright, sir; do you have it there?”

    Customer: “What’s your memorable date? You sound nice; you must have one.”

    Me: “My boyfriend surprised me with a trip to Paris for my birthday last year. That was pretty memorable I guess.”

    Customer: “Jeez, your generation sucks. Paris!? You can’t beat a roll in the hay in the back of a third hand car in Charing Cross. I’d show you that!”

    Me: “Okaaaaaaay anyway, moving on.”

    Turning Down Is A Turn Off

    | CA, USA | Rude & Risque

    Coworker: “Okay, sir… your order is—”

    (I can hear a pornographic film being played in the background.)

    Coworker: “Okay, I’m going say this and kindly, but bluntly: sir, I can’t hear you over your pornographic film. Can you turn it down a bit?”

    Customer: “Wait, you can hear that?”

    Coworker: “Yes, sir, it is quite loud. I’m attempting to give you your order number, but—”

    Customer: “Oh…”

    Coworker: “Yeah.”

    Customer: “You like it?”

    Coworker: “Uh… no, actually. If you can turn it down a little I’d be—”

    Customer: “What?! Are you telling me to turn off my porn?!”

    Coworker: “No, sir, I’m not. However, I’m having a hard time talking over the delivery guy with a medium sausage pizza. If you can turn it down a bit, I can give you your—”

    Customer: *click*

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