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    Category: Rude & Risque

    For those who like their humor a bit more PG-13, this section is littered with customers who are not afraid to walk on the more brazen side, or act downright gross-out disgusting. Be warned though that toilet humor sometimes literally takes place in the toilet.

    Well Played, Indeed: The Comic

    | Not Always Right | Comics, Food & Drink, Health & Body, Rude & Risque

    Convicted By His Convictions

    | Amsterdam, The Netherlands | Hotels & Lodging, Liars & Scammers, Religion, Rude & Risque, Top

    (I work in a five-star hotel in Amsterdam. It is standard policy that guests give their credit card number upon check-in, or a cash deposit if they do not have a credit card. If they use up a lot of their credit, sometimes reception has to contact the guest for an extra cash deposit. We notice on a Saturday that a guest has completely spent his deposit on watching pay TV of a certain explicit nature. My coworker rings the guest in his room with the request that he should come down to reception to give us more cash.)

    Coworker: *to me* “Well, that did not go down very well. He says he did not spend any of his deposit, and he is coming down to reception to see the bill after he is finished praying.”

    (At that moment, the elevator door opens and man in full Jewish prayer garb steps out.)

    Guest: “I have just been called about my bill, and I would like to see it.”

    Coworker: “Sure, I have already printed it out. As you can see, you have watched TV here, here and here, and that is why your balance is so low.”

    Guest: “There is no way I watched that filth! Look at me! Do I look like a man who would watch that sort of shocking thing? I don’t understand that a hotel would subject its guests to that kind of immoral muck in the first place. I don’t want anything to do with that! God-fearing people like I should be protected from accidentally zapping to those kinds of channels.”

    Coworker: “Well, sir, you did not accidentally zap to that channel. You have to type your room number to activate this program. After five minutes, you get a message on screen that you have to start paying now, and type in the room number again. Then the system asks you to press the confirm button. You cannot do all that by accident. Furthermore, I can see in the records that you watched this channel on three different days for more than two hours at a time. This indicates to me that you have watched a full movie on all these occasions, so I am not satisfied that you accidentally landed on this channel for a few seconds.”

    (The guest throws a few banknotes in my coworker’s face and marches off.)

    Me: *to coworker* “I have a feeling this is not the end of it”.

    (At that moment, the phone rings, and I can see the guest’s room number in the display.)

    Me: *to coworker* “It’s your friend from the pay TV room; you’d better take this call.”

    Coworker: *on the phone to the guest* “Yes, sir, you told me that you could not understand that a hotel would subject its guests to that kind of immoral muck in the first place, that you did not want anything to do with that, and that God-fearing people like you should be protected from accidentally zapping to that kind of channels. So I put the child lock on so that you did not have to be subjected to the filth anymore. Have a nice day…”

    You’ve Got The Wrong(est) Number – The Comic!

    | Not Always Right | Comics, Crazy Requests, Rude & Risque

    Cougar Town

    | Plattsburg, MO, USA | At The Checkout, Criminal/Illegal, Rude & Risque

    (I work in a small town gas station where you can pump your fuel before you pay. A little old lady—who is probably in her 80s—comes in to pay for fuel.)

    Old Lady: “I guess you want my money, right?”

    Me: *smiling* “I’d hate to call the cops on you.”

    Old Lady: “But it would spice up my day!”

    Coworker: “You should let them pursue you!”

    Old Lady: “Are there any cute ones on duty?”

    Me: “Sherman?”

    Coworker: “Eh. But he looks about 12.”

    Old Lady: “But you find them young to raise them how you want!”

    Red (Light) Flagged Caller

    | Cork, Ireland | Hotels & Lodging, Rude & Risque, Theme Of The Month, Tourists/Travel

    (I work in one of several worldwide call-centers, taking new reservations and changes/requests to existing reservations with a major luxury hotel chain. Customers often think we are at the hotel they are calling, because we greet them using the hotel name.)

    Me: “Good morning! Thank you for calling [hotel located in Amsterdam]. How may I help you today?”

    Guest: “Hi. I have a reservation for next week for two nights in your hotel. I am flying in from New York and have a two-day layover there in Amsterdam, and I basically just have a few questions.”

    Me: “Certainly, sir, I’ll answer those for you.”

    Guest: “Okay. So, I have a room booked for myself for those two nights. Is the rate any different if someone else is staying in the room with me?”

    Me: “No, not at all. Not unless you have booked a breakfast rate. If breakfast is included, the rate is €10 higher, if you are both having breakfast.”

    Guest: “Okay good. They won’t be having breakfast.”

    Me: “They? The room is a two-person maximum, sir. If you want more people in there, you have to book a larger room.”

    Guest: “Well, that’s my second question: is it a problem if there are two different people joining me on the two different nights?”

    Me: “Oh… no, as long as it just one on each night, then the rate is still the same. Do you have any other questions?”

    Guest: “Yeah… how far are you guys from the red light district?”

    Me: “Um… we are about half a mile away, sir.”

    Guest: “And is it safe walking between the hotel and the district? You know where I am going with this right?”

    Me: “Yes. I think I have pretty good idea, sir. There should be no issue walking between us and the district, sir. Otherwise our concierge can arrange a cab for you. Any further questions?”

    Guest: “No, I think that’s all. Thank you so much for your help! Have a great day!”

    (The call ends, and my coworker turns to me.)

    Coworker: “Another ‘John’ going to Amsterdam?”

    Me: “Yup.”

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