For those who like their humor a bit more PG-13, this section is littered with customers who are not afraid to walk on the more brazen side, or act downright gross-out disgusting. Be warned though that toilet humor sometimes literally takes place in the toilet.
Manager: *laughing* “You’re gonna love this. There was a complaint against you.”
Me: “Oh, okay?”
Manager: “Apparently you…um, package bread sticks suggestively.”
Me: “Pardon?”
Manager: “Yeah. This is what the actual complaint says: ‘She slid the bread stick into the paper bag while looking at my husband and smiling. I just know she was trying to flirt with him! We couldn’t even eat it, thanks to that hussy!’”
(My manager and I crack up laughing. I’m a lesbian.)
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2,991 Thumbs Up!)
(I’m working a register as a odd looking man approaches me.)
Customer: “Excuse me, sexy, I have a complaint.”
(I just ignore the “sexy” part and move on.)
Me: “What’s the problem, sir?”
Customer: “That’s not your line! Do you want me in this f***ing porno or what?!”
Me: “Excuse me?!”
Customer: “You aren’t the girl, are you?”
Me: “Um…I’m afraid not.”
Customer: “Oh, okay, then! Have a good day, miss! God bless you!”
Me: *speechless*
Related:
You Got The Wrong(est) Number, Part 5
You Got The Wrong(est) Number, Part 4
You Got The Wrong(est) Number, Part 3
You Got The Wrong(est) Number, Part 2
You Got The Wrong(est) Number
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1,284 Thumbs Up!)
(I am a hostess at a rather upscale restaurant. A couple walks in and the man has a particularly impressive handlebar mustache. I usually chat with guests while I’m seating them.)
Me: “So, [server] is your server tonight. She’ll be taking great care of you.”
Customer: “Can [server] give us a good discount?”
Me: *laughing* “I’m sure if you take it up with her she’ll consider it. You might want to twist that ‘stache in a debonair fashion to convince her.”
Customer: “I can offer a mustache ride.”
Me: “I’m going to pretend I didn’t hear that.”
Girlfriend: “Thank you.”
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1,375 Thumbs Up!)
(I am a cashier serving an elderly woman in her 70′s or 80′s. I have just finished scanning her items and she is handing me the money after looking through her purse for several minutes.)
Customer: “Here you go, dear. I was a bit worried for a moment that I wouldn’t have enough money! I thought I might have to…well, you’re probably to young to know.”
Me: “What’s that, ma’am?”
Customer: “Well, I thought I might have to go down to [well known brothel] and stand out on the street. You know, earn some fast cash!”
Me: *speechless*
Customer: *laughing* “You have a lovely day now!”
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1,343 Thumbs Up!)
(I’m working check out as a gay couple comes up to my line with a dozen or so bananas.)
Customer: “So, what do you think two gay men are going to do with this many bananas?”
Me: *playing along* “Uh, make phallic jokes, then eat them?”
Customer: “Well, yeah, but we’re making banana bread!”
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1,520 Thumbs Up!)
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