Not Always Right on Facebook Not Always Right on Twitter Not Always Right Unfiltered on Tumblr
Featured Story:
  • Talking At-At Cross Purposes
    (1,372 thumbs up)
  • September Theme Of The Month: Return Of The Geeks!
    Submit your story today!

    Category: Rude & Risque

    For those who like their humor a bit more PG-13, this section is littered with customers who are not afraid to walk on the more brazen side, or act downright gross-out disgusting. Be warned though that toilet humor sometimes literally takes place in the toilet.

    Thank You For Shopping At ApocalypseMart: The Comic

    | JENSEN BEACH, FL, USA | Comics, Religion, Rude & Risque, Wild & Unruly

    They’re Having A Ball(s)

    | Denver, CO, USA | Funny Names, Rude & Risque, Technology

    (I am sitting next to my mom while she makes a call on speakerphone to her ISP. I witness the conversation.)

    Representative: “Hello, thank you for calling [Company]; my name is [Name]. How can I help you?”

    Mom: “Hi, I need some testicle support.”

    Representative: “… I’m sorry?”

    Mom: “Testicle support! It doesn’t work right.”

    Representative: “Umm… do you mean ‘technical support?’”

    Mom: “Yes! What did I say?”

    Representative: “Uh, not anything I can repeat.”

    (I am struggling to hold my laughter in as I whisper the word to my mom.)

    Mom: “Oh! Oh my… I can’t believe I said that! You don’t think I’m a weirdo, do you?”

    Representative: *chuckling* “Don’t worry about it. That was the funniest thing I’ve heard all night.”

    (From that point on, they make a point of saying the word ‘technical’ whenever possible during the conversation, and all three of us giggle like gossiping schoolgirls when anyone says it. My mom gets to the end of the call…)

    Representative: “Thanks for calling [Company] TECHNICAL support.”

    Mom: “Thanks for being such a great TESTICLE service rep. The next time I have a TESTICLE issue, I would be thrilled to talk to you again. For now, I’ll leave you to take care of another customer’s TESTICLE issues. Thanks again!”

    (As we hang up, the last thing we hear is raucous laughter. We apparently made the night of more than one rep that little bit better. Thanks, Mom, for being such a loony!)

    Focusing On The Wrong Kind Of Cup Size

    | OH, USA | At The Checkout, Food & Drink, Rude & Risque

    (I am a female in my early twenties, the only female working this particular shift with three burly male coworkers. I am on the front register taking orders and money, when a customer walks in. He is a sloppily-dressed old man.)

    Me: “Hi there! How are you?”

    Customer: “I’m doin’ great, sweetie. How ’bout you get me a big cup of coffee?”

    Me: “Sounds great. Do you need any room for cream in there, sir?”

    Customer: “I got some cream for ya!”

    (He winks lewdly at me. I try to shake it off.)

    Me: “Alright, here is your coffee. Anything else for you, sir?”

    Customer: “Nope. What’s my total so you can ring me up?”

    (The customer seems oddly eager to pay. I give him his total and he hands me a very worn credit card. I try to swipe through our machine once or twice before determining its magnetic strip is too worn to be read. I am about to start typing in the numbers, when he interrupts me, looking very flushed and excited.)

    Customer: “No, no, don’t type it in. It’ll work if you just rub it on your chest.”

    (I am a little creeped out, but I wipe the card off on the bottom of my apron and give it another shot. It still won’t run through.)

    Customer: “No, no, sweetie, I said it’ll work if you rub it on your chest. Actually, it’ll work best if I rub it on your chest for you.”

    (At this point, I’m done. I step back from the register without another word and call for one of my coworkers, a big, burly 33-year-old man whose other job is construction. He comes over as I am walking away.)

    Me: *to my coworker* “I’m going to the back because the man at the front is asking to rub things on my chest.”

    (My coworker walks up to the register and looks down at the customer. He is a good foot taller than the customer.)

    Coworker: “I heard you like rubbing things on people’s chests? Well, have at it.”

    (My coworker leans forward just as I go into the back room. I didn’t see what happened next, but my coworker told me the customer panicked and ran out of the store without paying and without his coffee. We never saw him again!)

    Nothing Like A Spoon To Stir Things Up

    | Manchester, NH, USA | Musical Mayhem, Rude & Risque, Top

    (An older gentleman enters the store with a young woman who might be his granddaughter. She pauses at a display near the door, while he approaches me. I’m standing next to one of our speaker displays, which is blasting a hit country-pop song.)

    Me: “Hi, welcome to [Store]!”

    Customer: “Hello there!”

    Me: *noticing he’s studying the speakers* “Are you interested in—”

    Customer: *deadpan* “This would be great spooning music.”

    (I’m completely shocked by this, and I don’t know how to respond. Before I can say anything, he pulls a pair of table spoons out of his shirt pocket and begins to play along with the music!)

    Customer: “Yeah! See? This is great!”

    (He calls over his granddaughter, and she pulls out a pair of spoons and starts to play, too! They have a five-minute jam session at the front of the store, and then spend 20 minutes happily chatting with my coworkers and me before making their purchases and leaving. It makes my day!)

    Well Played, Indeed: The Comic

    | Not Always Right | Comics, Food & Drink, Health & Body, Rude & Risque

    Page 20/62First...1819202122...Last