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  • Thou Shalt Not Pick And Choose
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  • January Theme Of The Month: Prank Calls!
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    Category: Rude & Risque

    For those who like their humor a bit more PG-13, this section is littered with customers who are not afraid to walk on the more brazen side, or act downright gross-out disgusting. Be warned though that toilet humor sometimes literally takes place in the toilet.

    New Ways To Sleep On The Job

    | Muskegon, MI, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Rude & Risque

    (I am a small, twenty-year-old female working the closing shift at my store. A very large, unclean looking man is at my till about fifteen minutes before close. He’s been silent up until I’ve started ringing up the last items he has.)

    Customer: “You get out soon?”

    (I don’t find this question odd, as many people ask it just to make conversation.)

    Me: “We close at eleven, so ,yeah. I get out just a little after that.”

    Customer: “Do you want a job working for me?”

    Me: “Uh… no. That’s okay. I already have a job here, and I don’t really have time for a second job. Thanks, though. Your total is [total].”

    Customer: “Well, it’s only nights. You don’t have plans after work, do you? The job pays well.”

    Me: “Actually, I do have plans. My boyfriend is picking me up after my shift.”

    (The man grumbles something incoherent, pays with food stamps, then leaves. My manager comes over, to help close my register down.)

    Manager: “What was that about?”

    Me: “I’m not sure. I think he was trying to pay me to sleep with him.”

    Manager: “You know, I was wondering if that’s what was happening.”

    Buttbox

    | Avon, CT, USA | Rude & Risque, Technology, Theme Of The Month

    Me: “Thank you for calling [Retail Store]. How may I assist you?”

    Young Male Caller: “Yeah, do you guys got any purple XBox’s?”

    Me: *not sure if prank or real* “No. I’m sorry, sir, but there are a lot of online sites that offer custom paint jobs for consoles!”

    Young Male Caller: “Well, do you think they would be able to put a picture of my butt on one?”

    Me: *now convinced it’s a prank* “Well, I’m not sure if the image will fit but I’m sure they can try!”

    Young Male Caller: *click*

    Prank Calls Of Urban Legend

    | WI, USA | Books & Reading, Rude & Risque, Theme Of The Month

    (I’ve taken a lot of weird calls over the years and have looked up a lot of strange books and have always maintained a level of professionalism, but this almost broke me.)

    Customer: *older male voice, with a slightly southern accent* “I’m a disabled veteran and need help getting some books.”

    Me: “Okay, what are you looking for?”

    Customer: “Well, I really like… uh… stuff with ‘urban’ women in them.”

    Me: “Ooooookaaay. Um, we’ve got an urban fiction section.”

    Customer: “Oh, good. See, I’m a disabled veteran, and I can’t move around that well, so would you pick some out for me?”

    Me: *getting progressively more uncomfortable* “Well, I…”

    Customer: “I like the urban books because I like black women. I like the way they smell.”

    Me: “…uh.”

    Customer: *breaks into laughter* “Sorry, [My Name], I’m just f***in’ with you. That was great though, you were serious the whole time!”

    Me: “I hate you.”

    Should Have Put A Lid On It

    , | FL, USA | Food & Drink, Language & Words, Rude & Risque

    (The customer enters the restaurant and looks confused. I take his order and notice he often mumbles words to himself. Once he is done ordering I hand him his cups which he goes to fill up and once he comes back, I notice he has a lid on only one cup.)

    Me: “Sir, do you need a lid for that second drink?”

    Customer: *thinks for a moment* “Nah, I already blew my lid this morning.” *walks away*

    Something Stinks About The Address

    | Orem, UT, USA | Language & Words, Rude & Risque, Technology

    (As cashiers, we’re required to ask for emails at the end of a purchase. Customers can decline, and it’s no problem for us to bypass the email capture screen. I’ve just finished up ringing a young woman and her boyfriend.)

    Me: “Perfect, we’re almost done! Could I just enter your email?”

    Customer: “Sure. It’s BS@f-a-r-t-n-u-g-g-e-t.com.”

    Me: *typing it in without thinking* “All right, if you could just verify the email below on the card reader— oh.”

    Boyfriend: *snickers*

    Me: “I guess that’ll be a ‘no, thank you’ on the email then…”

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