November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

Category: Rude & Risque

For those who like their humor a bit more PG-13, this section is littered with customers who are not afraid to walk on the more brazen side, or act downright gross-out disgusting. Be warned though that toilet humor sometimes literally takes place in the toilet.

Not Your Cup Of Tea

| England, UK | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Rude & Risque

(I work in a small tea merchant that sells about 200 different varieties of tea. A customer and his girlfriend come in. The girlfriend walks over to my coworker.)

Customer: *approaches me and leans in uncomfortably close* “Do you have any teas for men?”

Me: “Could you be a bit more specific, sir?”

Customer: “You know? For MEN!” *begins miming masturbating*

Me: “Err…”

Customer: *continues miming* “You know, a tea to make your d*** BIG and STRONG!”

Me: *stunned silence*

Customer: “No? Okay.”

(The customer and his girlfriend left the shop. My coworker and I looked at each other and just began laughing hysterically.)

Looking For Rated S

| CA, USA | Bad Behavior, Family & Kids, Rude & Risque, Technology

(I’m working at a well-known video game chain store when two of our regulars – a man and his teenage son – walk into the store. They browse the shelves for a while before coming over to me.)

Father: *places Call of Duty game on counter* “What is this game rated ‘M’ for?”

Me: “Violence and language, if I remember correctly. Let me check to make sure.”

Father: “No sexual content?”

Me: *checking computer* “No, sir.”

Father: *to son* “Come on, dude, let’s find another game.”

Credited With Having No Children

| Canberra, ACT, Australia | At The Checkout, Rude & Risque, Technology

Me: “Enter your PIN, sir.”

(He does, and then removes card straight away, not waiting for the machine.)

Me: “Sir, it looks like you pulled out early—”

Customer: “Story of my life! It’s why I don’t have kids.”

(The next customer and I burst out laughing.)

The Munchkin Gymnast Special

| USA | Crazy Requests, Rude & Risque

(My brother and I work at our family coffee shop, and this happens one morning when my brother is covering the shift of our female co-worker. A middle-aged man walks in.)

Customer: “Where are all the hot girls?”

Brother: “…What?”

Customer: “Don’t all the hot girls work here?”

Brother: “Uh, well, I’m working today.”

Customer: “Man, there’s this one…” *he holds out his hand, indicating how short our coworker is* “…She’s a little munchkin. She looks like she could be a gymnast.”

(He eventually placed his order and left a good-sized tip.)

Caller Bit Off More Than He Could Chew

| Australia | Awesome Workers, Rude & Risque

(I work in a medical research institute, and the colleague sitting next to me handles recruitment for a large trial, so her name and phone number are on all the promotional material we hand out. She has a beautiful phone manner and I’ve never heard her say a harsh word to anyone. The phone rings.)

Colleague: “[Discipline] Research Centre, this is [Colleague]. How may I help you?”


Colleague: *sweetly* “Well, sir, if you shoved you big throbbing c*** in my mouth, I’d bite it off. Will that be all?”