October Theme Of The Month: Halloween!

Category: Rude & Risque

For those who like their humor a bit more PG-13, this section is littered with customers who are not afraid to walk on the more brazen side, or act downright gross-out disgusting. Be warned though that toilet humor sometimes literally takes place in the toilet.

Older Ladies Have A Higher Drive (Thru)

, | Charlotte, NC, USA | Bad Behavior, Food & Drink, Rude & Risque

(I’m working the drive thru late on Saturday night. I’m 17 at this point. A group of older women, presumably on a cougars’ night out, have come up to the second window and have paid. I hand them their drinks.)

Me: “Your food will be right out, ladies.”

Woman: *in the back seat* “Show him something!”

(I think I know what she means, so I’m not particularly keen to hand them their food when it comes up. Sure enough, when I go to give them their food, EVERY woman in the car has exposed her bare breasts.)

Me: “Here’s your food. Have a good night!”

(I immediately closed the window and fled. I could hear them laughing as they drove off. What a show for a 17-year old…)

Party Supplies In His Pants

| Charlotte, NC, USA | Rude & Risque, Spouses & Partners, Technology

(I am working the tablet display counter when a man walks in with his wife.)

Customer: “So, what’s the difference between these two tablets?”

Me: “This one has a faster processor and is better for playing video games or watching movies.”

Customer: “Good, because I’ll need the larger screen to watch all that po-… uh, party supplies…”

(At this, I can’t keep it together. The wife promptly collects her husband and leaves. As they’re leaving, he says…)

Customer: “I wanted to look at party supplies, honest…”

Drug Test: Scoring A Big Fat ‘D’

| St. Louis, MO, USA | Crazy Requests, Criminal/Illegal, Rude & Risque

(I am doing to pre-closing activities when a young man runs up, puts his hands on the checkout desk, and leans toward me in a panic.)

Customer: *under his breath* “Where do you keep the penises?”

Me: “I must have misheard you, sir. The what?”

Customer: *still mumbling, looking around* “You know what I’m talking about. The penises.”

Me: “I… know what those are. I’m not sure why you would think we’d carry them.”

Customer: *getting agitated* “Not, like, real ones. You know, they come in… like… black, and white, and Asian.”

Me: “Wait, you’re looking for a fake penis?”

Customer: *relieved that he’s gotten through to me* “Yeah, like, so you can fill it with urine. From someone else. For a thing. Where are they?”

Me: *now realizing this is one of our many ‘help me pass a drug test’ customers* “We don’t carry anything to help you pass a drug test, or perform any other illegal activity. I can’t sell you ANYTHING now. Store policy. Please leave.”

Customer: “Who said anything about a drug test?”

Me: “Sir, for what legitimate purpose could you be filling a fake penis with someone else’s urine?”

(The customer struggled for a moment, looked around, and left.)

Nipped That One In The Inappropriate Bud

| Kansas City, KS, USA | Bizarre, Rude & Risque

(I am working the sporting goods department of a huge, multinational retailer. I’m stocking fishing gear and cleaning up my aisle as I’m approached by a creaky-boned geriatric, clutching her cart for stability as her walker is stowed in it. With bleary, watery eyes behind huge, thick granny-glasses staring at me, she croaks out:)

Customer: “Where are your nipples?”

Me: *dumbfounded* “Excuse me?”

Customer: “Your NIPPLES! Where are your NIPPLES?”

Me: *stunned silence*

Customer: *perhaps used to deal with people who are hard of hearing* “YOUR BABY BOTTLES AND YOUR NIPPLES! WHERE ARE THEY?”

Me: “Oh! Our infant’s section is in the opposite corner of the store.”

Customer: “THANK YOU!”

Fifty Shades Of (Christian) Grey

| OR, USA | Books & Reading, Religion, Rude & Risque

(I work at an accessories store in a mall. There is a Christian store that specializes in books and movies right across from our store, and next to the bathrooms. After directing a customer to the bathrooms, she comes rushing back in with her eyes wide and her cheeks flushed.)

Customer: “Is that the only bookstore in the mall?”

Me: “Oh, that’s not actually a bookstore. That’s a Christian store.”

Customer: “Oh. That explains why the cashier got so angry when I asked where to find Fifty Shades of Grey.”

See this story as a comic!

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