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  • Category: Rude & Risque

    For those who like their humor a bit more PG-13, this section is littered with customers who are not afraid to walk on the more brazen side, or act downright gross-out disgusting. Be warned though that toilet humor sometimes literally takes place in the toilet.

    A Slave To Fashion

    | New London, CT, USA | Bizarre, Rude & Risque, Theme Of The Month

    (A male customer in his late 40s comes into the store and asks if we have any dresses. Thinking that he is shopping for someone else, I show him a few dresses.)

    Customer: “Thanks! My name is Bonny.”

    (He starts telling me his life story. After what feels like an age…)

    Customer: “Do you get a lot of cross-dressers in the store?”

    Me: “We get one or two.”

    (I take him to a fitting room so he can try on the dresses.)

    Customer: “I am going to a school to learn how to be a cross-dresser. I have special ‘teachers.’ According to them, I have to call you ‘Mistress.’ And if I am doing anything bad, you have to punish me however you see fit.”

    (I was freaked out. He then came back out to show me his ‘outfit’ that included tights, high heels, a dress, purse, and sparkle jewelry that I had to put on him. After I had to put the necklace and bracelet on him, he then curtsied to me. It was the freakiest thing that happened to me. He also curtsied for my manager and coworker. But he never bought anything; he just wanted to dress up in our clothes.)

    Wouldn’t Wish Him On Your Worst Enema

    | Berkeley, CA, USA | Health & Body, Rude & Risque, Theme Of The Month

    (A customer wanders around drug store for half an hour, feeling too embarrassed to ask where the enemas are.)

    Employee: “Hi. Can I help you?”

    Customer: “Uh, I’m looking for an enema bag.”

    Employee: “Oh… you want a bag? We have some bags.”

    (I lead the customer to a small case full of purses in the cosmetics section.)

    Employee: “Here are the bags.”

    Customer: “Do you know what an enema is?”

    Employee: “No…”

    Customer: “I’ll ask someone else.” *leaves drug store*

    On The Need For Hazard Pay, Part 7

    | Toronto, ON, Canada | Health & Body, Rude & Risque, Theme Of The Month

    (While I’m cleaning the men’s washroom, a regular has walked in.)

    Me: “I’m sorry. I’ll just be a minute longer and then you can use the washroom.”

    Customer: “Nope. Gotta go now.”

    Me: “Well, then, I’ll leave and finish when you’re done.”

    Customer: “Nah, don’t worry. I don’t have anything to hide.”

    (I only just managed to get out of the room before he finished opening his pants!)

    Related:
    On The Need For Hazard Pay, Part 6
    On The Need For Hazard Pay, Part 5
    On The Need For Hazard Pay, Part 4
    On The Need For Hazard Pay, Part 3
    On The Need For Hazard Pay, Part 2
    On The Need For Hazard Pay

    Likes To Party Hard

    , | Mexico | At The Checkout, Rude & Risque, Theme Of The Month

    (I am the cashier at a convenience store that also has a pharmacy on the back. It is a slow day and my pharmacy coworker asks me to watch his station for a minute. A mustached, gallon-hat wearing cowboy (boots and all) comes up to me and asks in a very deep voice:)

    Cowboy: “Do you carry generic Viagra?”

    Me: *stunned* “I’m sorry. If you could just wait for a minute?”

    (Thankfully my coworker heard him and took over. I went back to my station and then the same customer appeared. His purchases? Generic Viagra, a tequila bottle, and a 25-pack of lollipops…)

    Keep Your Shirt On

    | AL, USA | Rude & Risque, Theme Of The Month

    (Customer #1 is man in his mid-50s, in a suit, and very polite. Customer #2 is in his mid-30s, with a greasy ponytail and tie-dyed shirt. I go to deliver the food.)

    Me: ”Can I bring you gentlemen anything else?”

    Customer #1: ”No, thank you.”

    Customer #2: ”No, I’m fine.”

    (As I’m turning around, Customer #2 snaps his fingers at me.)

    Me: ”Yes, sir?”

    Customer #2: ”You know, I own a restaurant.”

    Me: ”That’s nice, sir.”

    Customer #2: *leers* ”I’ll give you $10 and a t-shirt for an ‘interview’ in my car.”

    Me: ”No, thanks. I love my job.”

    Customer #2: ”I could make it two t-shirts?”

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