Not Always Right on Facebook Not Always Right on Twitter Not Always Right Unfiltered on Tumblr
Featured Story:
  • God Loves Little Girls Who Stand Up For Others
    (2,709 thumbs up)
  • October Theme Of The Month: Coupon Complications!
    Submit your story today!

    Category: Rude & Risque

    For those who like their humor a bit more PG-13, this section is littered with customers who are not afraid to walk on the more brazen side, or act downright gross-out disgusting. Be warned though that toilet humor sometimes literally takes place in the toilet.

    Fools Give Vent To Their Rage

    | Portland, OR, USA | Crazy Requests, Family & Kids, Hotels & Lodging, Movies & TV, Rude & Risque

    (We have a full house of baseball teams, 14-16-year-old boys. At approximately 11 pm, a mother comes up to the front desk.)

    Mother: “Why is there pornography on channel 16? We obviously didn’t order anything!”

    (We don’t have the option to order movies or pornography, so we look up what channel this was and find out it’s our [Cable Channel] channel playing a movie called ‘Erotic Engagement.’)

    Me: “Ma’am, that is our premium channel [Cable Channel], which is commonly known for playing adult themed movies this late at night. Our suggestion would be to keep an eye on your team as to not be watching [Cable Channel] this late at night.”

    Mother: “That is not [Cable Channel]. That is graphic pornography. You either refund my stay or we will check out right now.”

    Me: “Ma’am, I understand your frustration, but again, we do not have pornographic channels—”

    Mother: “You obviously don’t know what you are talking about and now my child is scarred for life. I hope you are happy and I hope God strikes you down for your disregard for protecting us from that filth!”

    Me: “Proverbs 29:11, if you want to get biblical. Have a nice night, ma’am.”

    (The scripture states: ‘Fools give full vent to their rage, but the wise bring calm in the end.’)

    You Can Do It, Put Your Butt In To It

    | Oklahoma City, OK, USA | Movies & TV, Rude & Risque, Technology

    (I work at a call center for a satellite TV company. I am speaking with a male customer who speaks in a slightly feminine voice.)

    Customer: “I need credit for this movie I ordered.”

    Me: “Was something wrong with the movie, sir?”

    Customer: “No. But I didn’t mean to order it. I just sat on my remote and it ordered the movie.”

    (I hear a voice in the background similar to the customer’s voice.)

    Background Voice: “You always did have a talented butt.”

    Sexy Money

    | Sweden | At The Checkout, Language & Words, Money, Rude & Risque

    (The Swedish word for the number six is ‘sex.’ The cashier is just about to charge an elderly couple for their groceries.)

    Cashier: “That’s 106 kronor.”

    (The old man hands him a 100 kronor bill.)

    Cashier: “I need six kronor more.”

    Old Man: *to cashier* “What did you say?”

    Old Woman: “He said he wanted sex.”

    Cashier: *getting red but trying to smile* “Six kronor more.”

    Old Man: “What?”

    Old Woman: *loudly* “He said he wants sex!”

    (Both the queue behind them and the queue for the other register go silent and stare.)

    Cashier: *loudly* “Kronor!”

    Old Man: *loudly* “Speak up woman!”

    Old Woman: *almost screaming* “THE CASHIER WANTS SEX FROM YOU!”

    Cashier: *screaming* “SIX KRONOR!”

    Worth Its Weight In Golden

    | Exeter, England, UK | Funny Names, Language & Words, Rude & Risque

    (A rather frazzled looking customer rushes in and comes straight over to the counter.)

    Me: “Hi! How can I help?”

    Customer: “Hi, I’d like 12.5g of golden virginity please…”

    (Pause.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, love, there are some things we just can’t give back.”

    Customer: “Oh my goodness, Virginia! I meant golden Virginia!”

    One Large Popcorn, Extra Salty

    | Aldershot, England, UK | Bizarre, Food & Drink, Rude & Risque

    (I am working the concessions counter for the evening. It’s been a hectic shift when two customers in their 20s approach me.)

    Me: “How can I help today?”

    Male Customer: “Hey, yeah, can we get a large popcorn and a small popcorn? And uh, can you do us a favour? This is going to sound really weird…”

    Me: “Go for it!”

    Male Customer: “Well, uh. My friend and I have been playing jokes on each other for a while, and I was wondering if you could help out?”

    Me: “Uh… yeah, sure.”

    Male Customer: “Great! Could you uh, put this in the small popcorn and cover it with the popcorn so my friend cant see it?”

    (The female customer pulls out a rather large adult toy from her handbag and hands it to me as discreetly as possible – at this point I couldn’t help but laugh or deal with the customer by myself.)

    Me: “Hey, uh, [Coworker], do you think this will fit in a small popcorn bag?”

    (My coworker walks over looking mortified.)

    Coworker: “If you want to successfully hide that, I would really suggest a large popcorn.”

    Male Customer: “Okay! Change the small to a large please!”

    (I took the object behind the counter so no one could see and filled up the bag as requested and processed their order.)

    Woman Customer: “I’m really sorry. They’ve been doing this for a while now.”

    Me: *still laughing at this point* “No, no, it’s okay. This is probably the best thing to happen whilst working here. I hope it turns out all right!”

    (After they left my coworker and I had to take a moment to stop laughing and then we had to tell other coworkers and supervisors about it. To this day, I still don’t know if it was against policy or if a manager saw, but those two customers made that shift so much better!)

    Page 1/6412345...Last