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    Category: Rude & Risque

    For those who like their humor a bit more PG-13, this section is littered with customers who are not afraid to walk on the more brazen side, or act downright gross-out disgusting. Be warned though that toilet humor sometimes literally takes place in the toilet.

    Make Him Go Red In The Face

    | Louisville, KY, USA | Bad Behavior, Bizarre, Pets & Animals, Rude & Risque

    (My father runs a dog grooming shop, and I have been helping him out there since I was about 10 during times when I’m not in school. During the time of this exchange, I was maybe 14 and working the counter when an older man, maybe in his 50s or 60s, came to pick up his dog.)

    Man: “I’m here to pick up Maggie.”

    Me: “All right, that’ll be $42 today.”

    Man: *smiles* “So, is your hair dyed, or are you a natural redhead?”

    (I had recently bleached my hair from black in an attempt to get it light enough to dye bright red. It was a bright orange color from the bleach, and very obviously not a natural color. On top of that, my eyebrows are dark brown, revealing my natural color.)

    Me: “Um, I bleached it from black, and it just kind of turned this color. It wasn’t on purpose.”

    Man: “Oh, I see. Yeah, my ex-wife was a redhead. Feisty little thing, she was.”

    Me: “Oh, that’s nice.” *awkward smile*

    Man: “But, yeah, I’m just bringing Maggie by to be groomed while I’m waiting for my wife to get out of physical therapy. She can’t move around very well.”

    Me: “All right. Well, if you’d like to hand over your leash and collar, I’ll go get Maggie for you.”

    (I go to get the dog and he leaves with her, only to forget his wallet on the counter. Still not sure if he did that on purpose or not, really. I of course have to call him and let him know that we have it, so he immediately returns.)

    Me: “Here’s your wallet, sir.”

    Man: “Thanks. Haha, you didn’t use my card to buy a new car, did you?”

    (Considering the subtle yet creepy lines he’d dropped, I wasn’t sure if he had realized how young I was. I decided to drop a hint.)

    Me: “Oh, no, haha. I’m nowhere near old enough to drive.”

    (He started to look a bit surprised and just left with a simple thank you. I haven’t seen him since.)

    Acting His Shoe Size

    | NY, USA | Awesome Workers, Rude & Risque

    (I’m 15 and I work at my father’s sports bar. All legal except I can’t carry alcohol. I receive inappropriate comments from time to time from the intoxicated men I’m surrounded by. I am bussing a group’s table when this happens.)

    Customer: “Hey I like your shoes! Do you like mine?”

    Me: “Uh, yeah, sure. They’re nice.”

    Customer: “They’re a size twelve. You know what they say about big feet?”

    (After realizing the situation was heading this direction I tried to come up with the wittiest answer I could muster.)

    Me: “Um, big egos?”

    Makes You Blush Red

    | OR, USA | Rude & Risque, Technology

    (I work at a call center and am talking to a 61-year-old lady about getting her cell phone service.)

    Me: “What color do you want your phone? Red or black?”

    Customer: “I think I will get black. Red might make me look like a slut.”

    Fools Give Vent To Their Rage

    | Portland, OR, USA | Crazy Requests, Family & Kids, Hotels & Lodging, Movies & TV, Rude & Risque

    (We have a full house of baseball teams, 14-16-year-old boys. At approximately 11 pm, a mother comes up to the front desk.)

    Mother: “Why is there pornography on channel 16? We obviously didn’t order anything!”

    (We don’t have the option to order movies or pornography, so we look up what channel this was and find out it’s our [Cable Channel] channel playing a movie called ‘Erotic Engagement.’)

    Me: “Ma’am, that is our premium channel [Cable Channel], which is commonly known for playing adult themed movies this late at night. Our suggestion would be to keep an eye on your team as to not be watching [Cable Channel] this late at night.”

    Mother: “That is not [Cable Channel]. That is graphic pornography. You either refund my stay or we will check out right now.”

    Me: “Ma’am, I understand your frustration, but again, we do not have pornographic channels—”

    Mother: “You obviously don’t know what you are talking about and now my child is scarred for life. I hope you are happy and I hope God strikes you down for your disregard for protecting us from that filth!”

    Me: “Proverbs 29:11, if you want to get biblical. Have a nice night, ma’am.”

    (The scripture states: ‘Fools give full vent to their rage, but the wise bring calm in the end.’)

    You Can Do It, Put Your Butt In To It

    | Oklahoma City, OK, USA | Movies & TV, Rude & Risque, Technology

    (I work at a call center for a satellite TV company. I am speaking with a male customer who speaks in a slightly feminine voice.)

    Customer: “I need credit for this movie I ordered.”

    Me: “Was something wrong with the movie, sir?”

    Customer: “No. But I didn’t mean to order it. I just sat on my remote and it ordered the movie.”

    (I hear a voice in the background similar to the customer’s voice.)

    Background Voice: “You always did have a talented butt.”

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