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    Category: Rude & Risque

    For those who like their humor a bit more PG-13, this section is littered with customers who are not afraid to walk on the more brazen side, or act downright gross-out disgusting. Be warned though that toilet humor sometimes literally takes place in the toilet.

    Regrade The Service

    | NY, USA | Bad Behavior, Rude & Risque, School

    (I’m a high school student, and I work at my dad’s sports grill. I am bussing a table when I recognize an old middle school teacher. His friend then decides to strike up a conversation.)

    Friend: “Hey, cutie, can I buy you a drink?”

    Me: “Unfortunately, drinking on the job is prohibited. Also, I’m underage.”

    Friend: “Well.” *winks* “You don’t look underage.”

    Teacher: “I had her in eighth grade… three years ago.”

    Friend: *shrinking and turning red* “Oh…”

    Me: “Yeah…”

    Needs To Clean Out More Than The Hard Drive

    | NV, USA | Bad Behavior, Health & Body, Rude & Risque, Technology

    (I work in the electronics section of a home store. I deal mostly with computers, tablets, and the like. A customer is having troubles setting up a computer after purchasing it the previous day. He needs to do a local account reset so the computer can be used like new. I tell him to come back down to the store, because it would be easier to show him how to do it. The customer in question is probably in his 80s. I am a girl in my 20s. My coworker, who is also a girl in her 20s, is standing next to me.)

    Customer: *smelling of stale cigarettes and other things* “Hi, I spoke to you on the phone about my computer.”

    Me: “Yes, of course. Go ahead and take your computer out and we will plug it in and take care of your issues. Other than the problem that you spoke to me about do you have any questions?”

    Customer: “No, I just want to download some things and it won’t let me without a password.”

    (I proceed to walk the customer through the steps of resetting the computer, adding accounts, changing passwords, and installing software. All this time I have been touching the computer and inputting the customer’s information so that we can get him out the door. He has me download one last thing and right when we are about to finish up he asks me another normal question.)

    Customer: “So, can you show me how to delete files and emails? It has been a long time and this computer is different from my other one.”

    Me: “Sure, not a problem. Do you know where your files are located in the computer?”

    Coworker: *standing next to me* “Here, they might be located in this section.”

    (She looks through the computer, but can’t seem to find anything so I resume my search.)

    Customer: “Well, they are more so movies than files….”

    (I see where this is going and I sort of freeze up.)

    Customer: “Yeah, I was watching a lot of porn last night and I can’t seem to get it off of my computer.”

    (I am now slowly removing my hands from the keyboard and suddenly realizing that it didn’t look like he had cleaned the computer before he brought it in. My coworker’s face has gone pale and she slowly walks away from the department to wash her hands. I stand there wishing I could do the same.)

    Customer: “Yeah, I was watching a lot of stuff last night and I came across some things that I don’t know if I really wanted to see and now I want you to delete them for me.”

    Me: “…”

    Customer: “So can you do that, too?”

    Me: “No… sir. I can’t attempt to access anything of that… er… nature. If something were to pop up unexpectedly I could be fired… or we could be sued.”

    (My coworker has come back and that point and reiterates to the customer what I just said about things of that nature.)

    Customer: “Oh… okay. I really wish you could do that for me….”

    (He proceeds to ask me to do more and more things as I just sit there stunned that he allowed me to touch his computer knowing what he had done. He refused to type in anything after that. He finally ran out of questions to ask me and started putting his computer away. As he walked away I immediately booked it to the bathroom and scoured my hands with soap and water and then proceeded to empty a bottle of hand sanitizer on them. I then walk to tell my manager what happened, so that I could ask him what I should do if that situation ever occurred again.)

    Manager: “The next time that happens, tell him you can’t help him because his computer is now classified as a biohazard.”

    Make Him Go Red In The Face

    | Louisville, KY, USA | Bad Behavior, Bizarre, Pets & Animals, Rude & Risque

    (My father runs a dog grooming shop, and I have been helping him out there since I was about 10 during times when I’m not in school. During the time of this exchange, I was maybe 14 and working the counter when an older man, maybe in his 50s or 60s, came to pick up his dog.)

    Man: “I’m here to pick up Maggie.”

    Me: “All right, that’ll be $42 today.”

    Man: *smiles* “So, is your hair dyed, or are you a natural redhead?”

    (I had recently bleached my hair from black in an attempt to get it light enough to dye bright red. It was a bright orange color from the bleach, and very obviously not a natural color. On top of that, my eyebrows are dark brown, revealing my natural color.)

    Me: “Um, I bleached it from black, and it just kind of turned this color. It wasn’t on purpose.”

    Man: “Oh, I see. Yeah, my ex-wife was a redhead. Feisty little thing, she was.”

    Me: “Oh, that’s nice.” *awkward smile*

    Man: “But, yeah, I’m just bringing Maggie by to be groomed while I’m waiting for my wife to get out of physical therapy. She can’t move around very well.”

    Me: “All right. Well, if you’d like to hand over your leash and collar, I’ll go get Maggie for you.”

    (I go to get the dog and he leaves with her, only to forget his wallet on the counter. Still not sure if he did that on purpose or not, really. I of course have to call him and let him know that we have it, so he immediately returns.)

    Me: “Here’s your wallet, sir.”

    Man: “Thanks. Haha, you didn’t use my card to buy a new car, did you?”

    (Considering the subtle yet creepy lines he’d dropped, I wasn’t sure if he had realized how young I was. I decided to drop a hint.)

    Me: “Oh, no, haha. I’m nowhere near old enough to drive.”

    (He started to look a bit surprised and just left with a simple thank you. I haven’t seen him since.)

    Acting His Shoe Size

    | NY, USA | Awesome Workers, Rude & Risque

    (I’m 15 and I work at my father’s sports bar. All legal except I can’t carry alcohol. I receive inappropriate comments from time to time from the intoxicated men I’m surrounded by. I am bussing a group’s table when this happens.)

    Customer: “Hey I like your shoes! Do you like mine?”

    Me: “Uh, yeah, sure. They’re nice.”

    Customer: “They’re a size twelve. You know what they say about big feet?”

    (After realizing the situation was heading this direction I tried to come up with the wittiest answer I could muster.)

    Me: “Um, big egos?”

    Makes You Blush Red

    | OR, USA | Rude & Risque, Technology

    (I work at a call center and am talking to a 61-year-old lady about getting her cell phone service.)

    Me: “What color do you want your phone? Red or black?”

    Customer: “I think I will get black. Red might make me look like a slut.”

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