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  • October Theme Of The Month: Halloween!

    Category: Rude & Risque

    For those who like their humor a bit more PG-13, this section is littered with customers who are not afraid to walk on the more brazen side, or act downright gross-out disgusting. Be warned though that toilet humor sometimes literally takes place in the toilet.

    Looking For Rated S

    | CA, USA | Bad Behavior, Family & Kids, Rude & Risque, Technology

    (I’m working at a well-known video game chain store when two of our regulars – a man and his teenage son – walk into the store. They browse the shelves for a while before coming over to me.)

    Father: *places Call of Duty game on counter* “What is this game rated ‘M’ for?”

    Me: “Violence and language, if I remember correctly. Let me check to make sure.”

    Father: “No sexual content?”

    Me: *checking computer* “No, sir.”

    Father: *to son* “Come on, dude, let’s find another game.”

    Credited With Having No Children

    | Canberra, ACT, Australia | At The Checkout, Rude & Risque, Technology

    Me: “Enter your PIN, sir.”

    (He does, and then removes card straight away, not waiting for the machine.)

    Me: “Sir, it looks like you pulled out early—”

    Customer: “Story of my life! It’s why I don’t have kids.”

    (The next customer and I burst out laughing.)

    The Munchkin Gymnast Special

    | USA | Crazy Requests, Rude & Risque

    (My brother and I work at our family coffee shop, and this happens one morning when my brother is covering the shift of our female co-worker. A middle-aged man walks in.)

    Customer: “Where are all the hot girls?”

    Brother: “…What?”

    Customer: “Don’t all the hot girls work here?”

    Brother: “Uh, well, I’m working today.”

    Customer: “Man, there’s this one…” *he holds out his hand, indicating how short our coworker is* “…She’s a little munchkin. She looks like she could be a gymnast.”

    (He eventually placed his order and left a good-sized tip.)

    Caller Bit Off More Than He Could Chew

    | Australia | Awesome Workers, Rude & Risque

    (I work in a medical research institute, and the colleague sitting next to me handles recruitment for a large trial, so her name and phone number are on all the promotional material we hand out. She has a beautiful phone manner and I’ve never heard her say a harsh word to anyone. The phone rings.)

    Colleague: “[Discipline] Research Centre, this is [Colleague]. How may I help you?”


    Colleague: *sweetly* “Well, sir, if you shoved you big throbbing c*** in my mouth, I’d bite it off. Will that be all?”

    I’m Just Not That Kind Of Program!

    | ON, Canada | Rude & Risque, Technology

    (A customer has come in and noticed that we are now using Windows 10. He asks about Cortana, the voice activated assistant, so I give him a brief demo.)

    Me: “So you can just say ‘Hey, Cortana,’ and then tell her what you want her to do. Give it a try!”

    Customer: “Hey, ‘Cantina!’ Drop Your Dress!”

    Me: “Maybe you should try it when you get home…”

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