• A Pain In The Nugget
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    Category: Religion

    There’s nothing worse than a stupid customer than a stupid customer with a cause. If these people had a maker he would likely have filed them under ‘rejects’.

    Cookies Are The Devil

    | IN, USA | At The Checkout, Religion, Top

    (In the sandwich shop where I work, we have a daily special for a different six-inch sub each day. If you order two specials, the total, including tax, will always come out to $6.66. On this day, two elderly ladies come in wearing nun’s wimples and veils.)

    Nun #1: “Hello, dear. I’d like a six-inch [special], please.”

    Nun #2: “Oh, that sounds good! I’ll have the same.”

    (I make the sandwiches and go to the register to ring them up.)

    Me: “Okay, your total comes to $6.66.”

    Nun #1: “Well, I’d say that’s the Lord’s way of telling us to get dessert! We’ll take two cookies, please!”

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    Fifty Shades Of (Christian) Grey

    | OR, USA | Books & Reading, Religion, Rude & Risque

    (I work at an accessories store in a mall. There is a Christian store that specializes in books and movies right across from our store, and next to the bathrooms. After directing a customer to the bathrooms, she comes rushing back in with her eyes wide and her cheeks flushed.)

    Customer: “Is that the only bookstore in the mall?”

    Me: “Oh, that’s not actually a bookstore. That’s a Christian store.”

    Customer: “Oh. That explains why the cashier got so angry when I asked where to find Fifty Shades of Grey.”

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    Paying Caesar’s Things Back To Caesar

    | IL, USA | At The Checkout, Money, Religion

    Customer: “Have you accepted Jesus as your personal savior?”

    Me: “Nope. Your total is $7.00.”

    Customer: “I don’t pay non-believers.”

    Me: “Well, it’s a good thing you’re paying [Delivery Company], then.”

    Customer: “Do you know any commandments, you Satan worshipper?”

    Me: “Thou Shalt Not Steal. Seven dollars, please.”

    (Then he threw a $10 on the counter and left. Three bucks for Satan!)

    Like Sleeping On Heavenly Clouds

    | USA | Bizarre, Home Improvement, Religion

    (We sell mattresses. A customer does a lap around the store and stops at our most expensive beds.)

    Customer: “THIS BED IS ONLY $89?!”

    Me: “Yes, sir, if you qualify for the four-year financing it’s $89 a month.”

    Customer: “Well, there’s no point in me financing a bed, Jesus is coming next year. Have a nice day”

    Me: “…”

    A (Religiously) Extreme Reaction

    | San Antonio, TX, USA | Bigotry, Books & Reading, Religion

    (Our inbound services take calls for a lot of the as-seen-on-TV products. I am working there soon after 9/11 and we have a particular caller who would often call to rant about how we were a scam.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling. How may I help you today?”

    Caller: “Why the h*** would I want to buy a thing of Charlton Heston reading the Bible? Do you know what kind of a man he is?”

    Me: “You’re calling for the ‘Charlton Heston Reads the Bible’ then, sir?”

    Caller: “H***, yes, I’m calling about that. I want to know what sort of d*** outfit you’re running there that you think I’d want to buy a thing of Heston reading the Bible.”

    Me: “Well, I can’t say what you would like, sir, but a lot of people seem to like this product. It has been fairly popular. Possibly because Charlton Heston played Moses in The Ten Commandments.”

    Caller: “Like h*** he did! And like h*** this is popular. Didn’t you know that Charlton Heston was part of the NRA!”

    Me: “Yes, I was aware of that.”

    Caller: “Then why the hell would anyone let him read the Bible? You know, I’ll bet he was working with this Al Qaeda people!”

    Me: “No, sir, I’m fairly certain that Charlton Heston is affiliated with an entirely separate group of religious extremists.”

    (I somehow never got written up for this.)

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