Not Always Right on Facebook Not Always Right on Twitter Not Always Right Unfiltered on Tumblr
Featured Story:
  • Crime Can Be A Vicious Cycle
    (1,846 thumbs up)
  • October Theme Of The Month: Coupon Complications!
    Submit your story today!

    Category: Religion

    There’s nothing worse than a stupid customer than a stupid customer with a cause. If these people had a maker he would likely have filed them under ‘rejects’.

    Didn’t See That (Second) Coming

    | Detroit, MI, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Religion

    (I run an independent coffeehouse on the main drag in a small town. A regular walks in, doing her usual purposeful strut to the counter.)

    Me: “Hey [Name], how’s it going?”

    Customer: “Good. You know what I want?”

    (I nod as I begin making her nonfat, no carb latte with extra ice.)

    Customer: “You know, I like Criss Angel…”

    Me: “Yeah, he’s… something all right.”

    Customer: “You know…” *drifts off for a second before coming back down to earth with the rest of us* “I really think he’s the second coming…”

    (I stop what I’m doing to look at her as I wait for the punchline. Turns out it’s not coming.)

    Customer: “He can do everything Jesus could do.”

    (I’m still waiting for the ‘HA! Funny huh?,’ but I see she’s dead serious and waiting for commiseration.)

    Me: “Criss Angel is a magician.”

    Customer: *nods smiling*

    Me: “An illusionist. He does tricks.”

    Customer: *her smile slowly fades to a look of total desolation* “Oh.”

    (I finished her latte and rung her up. She didn’t say anything else and walked out looking much less sure of herself. I almost felt bad.)

    Bird Is The Word

    , | Montgomery, AL, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Food & Drink, Religion

    (I am working the drive thru on a Sunday, a time when we have a lot of regular customers after church lets out. I recognize a man from last Sunday.)

    Me: “Hey, I remember you from the other day!”

    Customer: “That’s right! You have a good memory! I like to hear the word and eat the bird!”

    Welcome To Hell 2.0

    | NC, USA | Awesome Customers, Religion, Technology

    (A customer calls in to fix a strange glitch with his software. After going through about fifteen minutes’ worth of all the usual troubleshooting steps, the issue still hasn’t been fixed. I’m baffled, until I remember I missed a somewhat obvious step.)

    Me: “Oh! You know, there’s one other thing we can check. Have you run a software update recently? If the program’s a bit out of date, that might be what’s causing the glitch.”

    Caller: “Oh, I’m pretty sure it’s all up-to-date, but let me check.”

    (He checks. Sure enough, there’s an update waiting. It takes about two minutes to install, and then the software works fine.)

    Caller: “I really should have checked that before I called, huh?”

    Me: “Oh, no, I should have asked you about it first thing. That one was all on me!”

    Caller: *laughs* “Ah, well, I guess we’re both going to Hell!”

    Me: *laughing with him* “Hey, at least we’ll be in good company!”

    Caller: “Oh, sure! I’ll see you across a lake of fire and go, ‘Oh, hey, it’s that tech support girl… Well, I know why she’s here!’”

    Doesn’t Want To Provide Proof

    | East Lothian, Scotland, UK | At The Checkout, Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Religion

    (An elderly Muslim woman and her niece, who is in her 30s, are regular customers. They are both very nice people and are always friendly. Today the niece is in on her own and approaches the checkout.)

    Niece: “Is my aunt in?”

    Me: “I haven’t seen her.”

    Niece: “Is her car in the car park?”

    (I look as far as I can into the store car park.)

    Me: “I can’t see it.”

    Niece: “Good. Can I have a litre-bottle of [Cheap Brand] vodka, please.”

    Probably Also Watched The Simple Life

    | Sanford, FL, USA | Bad Behavior, Liars & Scammers, Movies & TV, Religion

    Me: “Hi. This is [My Name] calling with [Company] regarding savings on the electric bill. May I please speak with [Customer]?”

    Customer: “WE’RE AMISH! WE DON’T HAVE ELECTRICITY!”

    Me: “But you have a phone?”

    Customer: “We sometimes have phones at the end of our properties for emergencies! You’d know that if you watched Amish Mafia!”

    Me: “So, you also have a TV?”

    (*click*)

    Page 5/28First...34567...Last