Category: Religion

There’s nothing worse than a stupid customer than a stupid customer with a cause. If these people had a maker he would likely have filed them under ‘rejects’.

Tat Settles That

| NC, USA | Religion, Theme Of The Month

(I am standing in line behind a little old lady. I am covered in tattoos.)

Cashier: “Your total is $8. Will that be cash or credit?”

Little Old Lady: “I don’t have a credit card! And I only have $5 in cash!”

Me: “Excuse me, ma’am, I have a few dollars you can borrow.” *holds out cash*

Little Old Lady: *turns around and sees me* “NO! I WILL NOT TAKE MONEY FROM A DEVIL WORSHIPER LIKE YOU! And look! You are buying cigarettes! Your generation will ruin us!” *storms out without paying*

Cashier: *to me* “She was buying tobacco and cigarettes!”

Put Your Faith In The Patch

| Canada | Health & Body, Religion, Tourists/Travel

(I work on a cruise line’s guest services desk. Frequently, passengers wear little patches that prevent sea sickness. One man comes to my desk.)

Me: “Good afternoon. How can I help you?”

Man: “I was wondering what religion the people with the patches are.”

What Would Jesus Do For Free Wifi

| Toledo, OH, USA | Crazy Requests, Religion, Technology

(I used to work for an Internet broadband company, and in addition to technical questions, I would also have to be able to resolve billing issues. The customer who calls this time, however, has an interesting take on things:)

Me: “Let’s take a look at your account. Just give me one moment to call—”

Caller: MY INTERNET’S BUSTED!

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that, ma’am; it will take just one moment. Ah, here we go. It seems that this account has not been paid on for three months, so we have suspended yo—”

Caller: “WHY’S MY INTERNET SHUT OFF?!”

Me: “Ma’am, I can understand your frustration, but due to non-payment, we’ve suspended your account. However, if you would like to make a credit card payment over the phone, I can go ahead an—”

Caller: “I DON’T HAVE A CREDIT CARD! WHY IS MY INTERNET NOT WORKING?!”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but I can’t turn you back on until a portion of the balance is paid off. if you are able to make a partial payment o—”

Caller: “TURN ME BACK ON! I NEED MY INTERNET!” *in a suddenly quiet voice* “Jesus wouldn’t have turned me off.”

Me: *startled blink* “Pardon, ma’am?”

Caller: *gaining steam* “I said, Jesus wouldn’t have turned me off! I don’t have the money to pay for this, but he wouldn’t have shut me off!”

Me: “…I do apologize ma’am, but I don’t see where this is relevant to your overdue bill—”

Caller: “JESUS LOVED EVERYONE AND WOULD HAVE GIVEN ME FREE INTERNET!”

Me: “Ma’am, do you remember biblical quotes? Wasn’t it Jesus himself who said, ‘render unto Caesar, that which is Caesar’s, and render unto God, that which is God’s?'”

Caller: *silence*

Me: “Anyway, I cannot turn you back on until you’ve made a payment.”

Caller: “LET ME SPEAK TO YOUR MANAGER!”

Me: “My pleasure!”

Judged Unworthy To Judge

| NH, USA | At The Checkout, Holidays, Religion

(I am wearing rabbit ears the week before the Easter holiday while I ring groceries.)

Customer: “And do you go to church on Easter?”

Me: “No, I celebrate with baskets, candy, and a nice family meal.”

Customer: “I don’t think Jesus would approve of that.”

Me: “Luckily for me, Jesus wasn’t exactly known to judge people.”

(That shut him up!)

How To Give Someone A God Complex

| The Philippines | Crazy Requests, Religion

Me: “Thank you for calling [Bank]. [My Name] speaking. Can I have your full name, please?”

Customer: “[Customer].”

Me: “Thank you. How can I be of assistance to you today?”

Customer: “I need you to take of the late fees and overdraft fees off of my account! RIGHT NOW!”

Me: “Well, I’ll be glad to take a look into your account and review the probability of removing the fees but I’m going to need to review it thoroughly, okay?”

Customer: “Yeah, whatever.”

(After a good minute of pause…)

Me: “I’m sorry Ms. [Customer], but it seems that the charges are all valid; I won’t be able to remove them this time.”

Customer: “You f****** b****! You had me waiting for 15 long minutes while you were doing your s*** on your computer and now you’re telling me you cannot take these f***** fees off?!”

(I have her account pulled up and it didn’t take me 15 minutes to see the late and overdraft fees on her account.)

Me: “I’m sorry this upsets you, ma’am, and as much as I would like to remove these fees for you, I won’t have the capability because our system recognizes valid charges and won’t let us modify it.”

Customer: “I don’t f****** care! Remove them or I will call the police!”

Me: “What can the police do?”

Customer: “You people are stealing my money! I will sue you and your company for this, lady!”

Me: “I understand your frustration, but we have sent you multiple notices reminding you of your payment and we haven’t received any amount for the past five months. The late fess piled up, over-drafting your account. I really do apologize for the inconvenience this has caused you.”

Customer: “Don’t give me that s***! I f****** want you to f****** remove these fees off of my account! Don’t be stupid! I know you can do it! You just don’t want to, because you are too lazy to do it!”

Me: “Ms. [Customer], please avoid using profanity. This is a professional institution and we don’t tolerate such language. If it happens again, I will have to disconnect the call.”

Customer: “F*** you, you f****** b****! Give me your f***** supervisor! Wait, no. I want someone higher that your supervisor: your manager, or your CEO! No, I want the president of your company, or the higher person above your president!”

(After multiple attempts to calm the customer down and my warnings for her vulgar language, I am kind of ticked off already.)

Me: “Ma’am, I definitely can hand you over to my supervisor—”

Customer: “Didn’t you f****** hear me, you s***?! I want the person higher than the president of your company!”

Me: “I believe that wouldn’t be possible; there is no one higher than the president of this company. He owns the business.”

Customer: “I don’t believe you! Hand me over to someone higher than him!”

Me: “Ma’am, if you want someone higher than the person who owns this company, then PRAY. Talk to God. He is the highest being you could talk to. You can also ask for forgiveness for that bad language and have Him bless you more for you to have the money to pay for your dues. And since you didn’t listen when I asked you to stay professional, I will now disconnect this call. I hope you have a nice day and thank you for calling [Bank]. Good bye.” *click*

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