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    Category: Religion

    There’s nothing worse than a stupid customer than a stupid customer with a cause. If these people had a maker he would likely have filed them under ‘rejects’.

    Religious Hatred Works Both Ways

    | Saint Paul, MN, USA | At The Checkout, Food & Drink, Religion

    (A customer I’ve never seen before comes in alone; he’s young and looks fairly normal. It’s slow, so it’s pretty much just me running the cash register and the bar by myself, with my manager doing paperwork in the back. There are a couple of other customers who’ve already been served.)

    Customer: “Can I have two large lattes and a medium blended mocha with peppermint?”

    Me: “Sure thing!”

    (I ring him up and begin making his drinks. I’m almost finished when he notices that I’m wearing a small silver cross necklace.)

    Customer: “You’re not a Christian, are you?”

    Me: “Well, I’m non-denominational, but yes, I’m a Christian.”

    Customer: “You can’t be serious. You know that’s all just a fairytale, right?”

    Me: “Here you are, sir.”

    Customer: “I can’t drink this. If you’re a Christian, you’ve got centuries of blood all over your hands, and I’m not touching anything you’ve touched. I want a full refund, you w****. How can you hypocrites live with yourselves?”

    (Not wanting to continue the conversation since I didn’t trust myself to remain calm, I begin a return.)

    Customer: “I mean, just look at Westboro Baptist Church! That’s more than enough evidence for me that you all deserve to be wiped off the map!”

    (He goes on like this all the while I’m processing his return. None of the other customers in the shop say anything, although I see one or two looking at us. I finally finish his transaction and hand him his money and receipt and manage to look him in the eye)

    Me: “Have a blessed day, sir.”

    (He cursed violently and knocked the two lattes off the counter. One of them landed on his pants, scalding and causing him to curse again. He grabbed his money and stormed out, still yelling about how religious people are a “disgrace to humanity” and should be “exterminated.” After I cleaned up the remnants of the lattes, I went on break and drank his blended mocha.)

    Pent Up On Pentagrams

    | Cincinnati, OH, USA | Crazy Requests, Religion, Wild & Unruly

    (I’m stocking an aisle when a customer walks up.)

    Me: “Hi, is there anyth—”

    (She gets a look of horror on her face and quickly walks away. I attempt to call to her but she ignores me. A couple minutes she comes back with a manager in tow.)

    Customer: “This is the girl! This is the devil worshiper you need to fire!”

    (Both my manager and I exchange a confused look.)

    Manager: “What exactly is your problem with her, ma’am?”

    Customer: “She wears a symbol of Satan! She’s a minion of Lucifer!”

    (This is when I remember the star symbol earring I am wearing.)

    Me: “Ma’am, this earring is not a symbol of Satan. It’s just a star. You’d have to flip it a full 180 degrees to be the symbol you’re referring to.”

    Customer: “No! It’s a sign of the devil! You’re a devil worshiper!”

    (My manager and I tried to explain to her the difference between the well-known satanic pentagram and my simple star symbol but she won’t listen. The manager escorted her away from my section and I removed my earring for the rest of my shift.)

    Takes A Toll On The Soul

    | USA | Bizarre, Money, Religion

    (I am a phone customer service rep for a government agency that has been strongly encouraging constituents to use our website for basic governmental functions. It is my first day out of training.)

    Me: “How may I help you?”

    Caller: “Hello. I just want to know if you charge spiritual taxes to people of certain religious beliefs?”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Caller: “Spiritual taxes. Do you charge them for using your website?”

    Me: “… I think that’s more a question for your religious leader of choice, but no, to the best of my knowledge we do not charge taxes on the soul for using our website.”

    Caller: “Oh, wonderful!” *click*

    Just A (Cast The First) Stone’s Throw Away From A True Christian

    | AL, USA | At The Checkout, Bigotry, Religion

    (I live in the Bible belt of America, where homophobia is the norm. I’m a gay man and was outed by a previous coworker, so now I deal with two or three bigots per week. This takes place an early Sunday morning.)

    Me: “Hello. Did you find everything today?”

    Customer #1: *a bigot who frequents my lane just to insult me* “Everything except a good, god fearing cashier!”

    Me: *scanning items and not paying attention* “Your total is $48.50, sir. Would you like to pay cash or credit?”

    Customer #1: “You’re going to Hell, you know! You and all your godd***** f*****! Pick up a Bible and learn how to be a Christian!”

    (He then proceeds to throw his credit card at me. I check him out while enduring his verbal abuse, as usual. Finally he’s gone to bag his groceries while the next customer comes up. He’s an elderly man, around 60, wearing a sweater and a large prominent cross. I fear the worst but he hands me a gift card.)

    Customer #2: “Bless you, son. I’d like you to have this to make up for those of us who are less then their best.”

    (Customer #1 has heard Customer #2 and starts yelling.)

    Customer #1: “You’re going to Hell for supporting this f**! Learn how to be a good Christian!”

    (Customer #2 removes his sweater to reveals he’s a priest. Customer #1′s eyes widen in shock.)

    Customer #2: “Well, if I’m going to Hell I don’t believe there’s much hope for any of us now, is there?”

    (He was the new pastor for the church and one of his first sermons was on spreading love instead of hate. I thank you, good sir, for reminding me what a real Christian is like.)

    Didn’t See That (Second) Coming

    | Detroit, MI, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Religion

    (I run an independent coffeehouse on the main drag in a small town. A regular walks in, doing her usual purposeful strut to the counter.)

    Me: “Hey [Name], how’s it going?”

    Customer: “Good. You know what I want?”

    (I nod as I begin making her nonfat, no carb latte with extra ice.)

    Customer: “You know, I like Criss Angel…”

    Me: “Yeah, he’s… something all right.”

    Customer: “You know…” *drifts off for a second before coming back down to earth with the rest of us* “I really think he’s the second coming…”

    (I stop what I’m doing to look at her as I wait for the punchline. Turns out it’s not coming.)

    Customer: “He can do everything Jesus could do.”

    (I’m still waiting for the ‘HA! Funny huh?,’ but I see she’s dead serious and waiting for commiseration.)

    Me: “Criss Angel is a magician.”

    Customer: *nods smiling*

    Me: “An illusionist. He does tricks.”

    Customer: *her smile slowly fades to a look of total desolation* “Oh.”

    (I finished her latte and rung her up. She didn’t say anything else and walked out looking much less sure of herself. I almost felt bad.)

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