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July Theme Of The Month: Great Timing!

Category: Religion

There’s nothing worse than a stupid customer than a stupid customer with a cause. If these people had a maker he would likely have filed them under ‘rejects’.

Assumptions Are The Devil

| MO, USA | Bad Behavior, Religion, Theme Of The Month

(I work in a sandwich shop. I’m working the front counter and taking an order from a couple in their 60s or 70s.)

Customer: “What’s that you’re wearing?” *she points to my the Egyptian ankh I wear as a necklace*

Me: “It’s an ankh. It’s an Egyptian symbol of life.”

(Customer talks quietly to her husband for a moment then turns back to me.)

Customer: “Do you think it gives you special powers?”

Me: “No, I just like the symbol and life.”

(Customer confers with her husband again then asks, deadly serious.)

Customer: “So, do you worship the devil?”

Me: “No. I also don’t insult people just because I don’t understand them.”

Thankful For Diwali

| Edmonton, AB, Canada | Crazy Requests, Religion, Theme Of The Month

(I work customer service for a large Canadian grocery retailer. This exchange takes place just around Thanksgiving, when we had signs for Diwali and Halloween as well.)

Customer: “Excuse me! What are these signs?”

(She gestures to the purple signs above a display of flower which read ‘Happy Diwali’.)

Me: “Those are signs for Diwali. It’s the Indian Festival of Lights, celebrated by a billion-plus people worldwide.”

Customer: “Take it down.”

Me: “…I’m sorry?”

Customer: “Take it down. I don’t like it. How racist.”

Me: “I assure you the holiday is not racist, as everyone is invited to participate if they would like to, and the deals we have for the holiday are applicable to all customers.”

Customer: “But I don’t get to participate! I don’t like it. I want you to take it down.”

Me: “Well, do you celebrate Thanksgiving?”

Customer: “Yes. But these people are—”

Me: “—These people may not celebrate Thanksgiving, or Halloween, or Christmas, and we are an equal opportunity employer, so we accommodate several cultures and their respective traditions. As well as Diwali, we market for Chinese New Year’s and Eid.

Customer: “You must take this sign down, or I will be calling head office.”

Me: “You can get their number at the customer service desk. Head office sent us these signs. They also wished their Indian employees a Happy Diwali. If you have any other questions, I’ll be happy to help; otherwise, I’m afraid we cannot continue this discussion.”

Customer: “Fine! I’ll call them! I’ll be sure to give them your name, too!”

Me: “That’s quite all right with me. My name is [distinctly North Indian name] and I hope you have a happy Thanksgiving. Happy Diwali, as well! “

Tat Settles That

| NC, USA | Religion, Theme Of The Month

(I am standing in line behind a little old lady. I am covered in tattoos.)

Cashier: “Your total is $8. Will that be cash or credit?”

Little Old Lady: “I don’t have a credit card! And I only have $5 in cash!”

Me: “Excuse me, ma’am, I have a few dollars you can borrow.” *holds out cash*

Little Old Lady: *turns around and sees me* “NO! I WILL NOT TAKE MONEY FROM A DEVIL WORSHIPER LIKE YOU! And look! You are buying cigarettes! Your generation will ruin us!” *storms out without paying*

Cashier: *to me* “She was buying tobacco and cigarettes!”

Put Your Faith In The Patch

| Canada | Health & Body, Religion, Tourists/Travel

(I work on a cruise line’s guest services desk. Frequently, passengers wear little patches that prevent sea sickness. One man comes to my desk.)

Me: “Good afternoon. How can I help you?”

Man: “I was wondering what religion the people with the patches are.”

What Would Jesus Do For Free Wifi

| Toledo, OH, USA | Crazy Requests, Religion, Technology

(I used to work for an Internet broadband company, and in addition to technical questions, I would also have to be able to resolve billing issues. The customer who calls this time, however, has an interesting take on things:)

Me: “Let’s take a look at your account. Just give me one moment to call—”

Caller: MY INTERNET’S BUSTED!

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that, ma’am; it will take just one moment. Ah, here we go. It seems that this account has not been paid on for three months, so we have suspended yo—”

Caller: “WHY’S MY INTERNET SHUT OFF?!”

Me: “Ma’am, I can understand your frustration, but due to non-payment, we’ve suspended your account. However, if you would like to make a credit card payment over the phone, I can go ahead an—”

Caller: “I DON’T HAVE A CREDIT CARD! WHY IS MY INTERNET NOT WORKING?!”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but I can’t turn you back on until a portion of the balance is paid off. if you are able to make a partial payment o—”

Caller: “TURN ME BACK ON! I NEED MY INTERNET!” *in a suddenly quiet voice* “Jesus wouldn’t have turned me off.”

Me: *startled blink* “Pardon, ma’am?”

Caller: *gaining steam* “I said, Jesus wouldn’t have turned me off! I don’t have the money to pay for this, but he wouldn’t have shut me off!”

Me: “…I do apologize ma’am, but I don’t see where this is relevant to your overdue bill—”

Caller: “JESUS LOVED EVERYONE AND WOULD HAVE GIVEN ME FREE INTERNET!”

Me: “Ma’am, do you remember biblical quotes? Wasn’t it Jesus himself who said, ‘render unto Caesar, that which is Caesar’s, and render unto God, that which is God’s?'”

Caller: *silence*

Me: “Anyway, I cannot turn you back on until you’ve made a payment.”

Caller: “LET ME SPEAK TO YOUR MANAGER!”

Me: “My pleasure!”

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