Category: Religion

There’s nothing worse than a stupid customer than a stupid customer with a cause. If these people had a maker he would likely have filed them under ‘rejects’.

Fifty Shades Of (Christian) Grey

| OR, USA | Books & Reading, Religion, Rude & Risque

(I work at an accessories store in a mall. There is a Christian store that specializes in books and movies right across from our store, and next to the bathrooms. After directing a customer to the bathrooms, she comes rushing back in with her eyes wide and her cheeks flushed.)

Customer: “Is that the only bookstore in the mall?”

Me: “Oh, that’s not actually a bookstore. That’s a Christian store.”

Customer: “Oh. That explains why the cashier got so angry when I asked where to find Fifty Shades of Grey.”

Paying Caesar’s Things Back To Caesar

| IL, USA | At The Checkout, Money, Religion

Customer: “Have you accepted Jesus as your personal savior?”

Me: “Nope. Your total is $7.00.”

Customer: “I don’t pay non-believers.”

Me: “Well, it’s a good thing you’re paying [Delivery Company], then.”

Customer: “Do you know any commandments, you Satan worshipper?”

Me: “Thou Shalt Not Steal. Seven dollars, please.”

(Then he threw a $10 on the counter and left. Three bucks for Satan!)

Like Sleeping On Heavenly Clouds

| USA | Bizarre, Home Improvement, Religion

(We sell mattresses. A customer does a lap around the store and stops at our most expensive beds.)

Customer: “THIS BED IS ONLY $89?!”

Me: “Yes, sir, if you qualify for the four-year financing it’s $89 a month.”

Customer: “Well, there’s no point in me financing a bed, Jesus is coming next year. Have a nice day”

Me: “…”

A (Religiously) Extreme Reaction

| San Antonio, TX, USA | Bigotry, Books & Reading, Religion

(Our inbound services take calls for a lot of the as-seen-on-TV products. I am working there soon after 9/11 and we have a particular caller who would often call to rant about how we were a scam.)

Me: “Thank you for calling. How may I help you today?”

Caller: “Why the h*** would I want to buy a thing of Charlton Heston reading the Bible? Do you know what kind of a man he is?”

Me: “You’re calling for the ‘Charlton Heston Reads the Bible’ then, sir?”

Caller: “H***, yes, I’m calling about that. I want to know what sort of d*** outfit you’re running there that you think I’d want to buy a thing of Heston reading the Bible.”

Me: “Well, I can’t say what you would like, sir, but a lot of people seem to like this product. It has been fairly popular. Possibly because Charlton Heston played Moses in The Ten Commandments.”

Caller: “Like h*** he did! And like h*** this is popular. Didn’t you know that Charlton Heston was part of the NRA!”

Me: “Yes, I was aware of that.”

Caller: “Then why the hell would anyone let him read the Bible? You know, I’ll bet he was working with this Al Qaeda people!”

Me: “No, sir, I’m fairly certain that Charlton Heston is affiliated with an entirely separate group of religious extremists.”

(I somehow never got written up for this.)

Donating On Biblical Proportions

, | USA | Bizarre, Religion

(A customer comes in on a Sunday afternoon. He orders a coffee but doesn’t leave after he gets it.)

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, was there anything else I could help you with?”

Customer: “Oh, no, not at the moment, dear. I just wanted to give you this. You’re new here and I like to make sure all the new people are taken care of.”

(As he is speaking he pulls a miniature bible out of his pocket and slides it across the counter to me. I’m almost too startled to speak.)

Me: “…um, thank you?”

(I wait until he leaves and approach my manager.)

Me: “So, some guy just gave me a bible, but I don’t know what to do with it.”

Manager: “Yeah, he does that. We’ve asked him to stop but he won’t. If you don’t want to keep it there’s a box of them under the desk in the office. Just throw it there.”

Me: “There’s a whole box of these things?!”

Manager: “Yeah, we drop them off at the Goodwill center when it gets full.”

(Apparently this was just a normal thing that happened because when I moved to another restaurant down the road they also had a box of mini bibles that customers had given to employees.)

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