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  • July Theme Of The Month: Great Timing!

    Category: Religion

    There’s nothing worse than a stupid customer than a stupid customer with a cause. If these people had a maker he would likely have filed them under ‘rejects’.

    Holy Recession!

    | Chicago, IL, USA | Crazy Requests, Religion, Theme Of The Month

    Me: *on the phone with a manager* “Hey, I have a guy here who wants me to give him ten dollars off, because he saw it lower two weeks ago… Uh huh. Uh huh. Right. Okay, thanks.” *hangs up phone* “Unfortunately, my manager won’t honor the price you saw, but maybe it will be that price again in a few weeks fro—”

    Customer: *bangs fist on countertop* “God wouldn’t stand for this!”

    Me: “I think God would understand that we’re in a recession…”

    God Looks All Ways

    | Chicago, IL, USA | At The Checkout, Religion, Theme Of The Month

    Me: “That’ll be [total].”

    Customer: *looks through purse* “Oh… I seem to be short five dollars. I’m sure God wouldn’t mind if you looked the other way on that.”

    Me: “I think God would understand I could get fired for ‘looking the other way,’ so why can’t you?”

    The Devil Has You By The Neck(lace)

    , | Bakersfield, CA, USA | Religion, Theme Of The Month

    (I am working for a pretzel company that had two stores in the mall. I am in the kiosk at the far end of the mall.)

    Customer: “May I have a salted pretzel?”

    Me: “Sure, that will be [price].”

    (Whilst I am preparing her pretzel, she continues to look at the menu board. We chat about the day. She is extremely pleasant.)

    Customer: “May I also get a large lemonade?”

    Me: “Of course.”

    (I start filling the drink, and update her on her new total. Then I lean over the counter to hand her the drink. My pentacle necklace falls out of my shirt. She takes one look at that and begins to scream at me:)

    Customer: “You are going to burn in Hell, demon! You devil worshipper!”

    (She took her food and drink so fast, she left her change. As sad as this is, this wasn’t the first nor last time this has happened to me throughout working customer service…)

    666 Error

    | Bluffton, SC, USA | Religion, Technology, Theme Of The Month

    Customer: “I’d like to return this laptop computer.”

    Me: “Okay, do you have your original receipt?”

    (The customer produces the receipt.)

    Me: “Ma’am, this computer was purchased six months ago. It is outside of our return policy. Is there something wrong with it, that we might be able to fix at [Repair Center]?”

    Customer: “My computer is possessed by the devil and I need to return it. Jesus told me I need to return it.”

    Me: “…Excuse me?”

    Customer: *getting frantic* “I was on my computer during that storm last week and after a loud lightning strike Jesus appeared before me and told me that my computer is possessed by the devil and I needed to return it immediately. Please, you need to take this computer from me. It’s possessed!”

    (At this point my coworkers at customer service are starting to stare, along with other customers in line.)

    Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but your computer is outside return policy. I can’t take it back. I can have [Repair Center] take a look at it and maybe we can figure out what the problem is—”

    Customer: “NO! They can’t fix it; it’s possessed! I need to return it and get it out of my house! I don’t want the devil in my house! PLEASE, you must take it!”

    (At this point, the manager and loss prevention person had come over to escort this lady out of the store. As she was being led out, she tried to cast some sort of voodoo spell on the staff. A supposedly Christian lady tried to cast a voodoo curse on us because we wouldn’t return her possessed computer. She left it and never came back for it.)

    Sabbath Trumps Gambling

    | NS, Canada | Crazy Requests, Religion, Theme Of The Month

    (I am working at the main cash of a department store, where we are having a ‘scratch and save’ promotion whereby customers are given cards to scratch and a reveal a certain percentage of savings. Note that it is a Sunday.)

    Me: “And here’s your scratch and save card, ma’am!”

    Customer: “Hmmm, I’m just deciding if I want you to scratch it or if I will.”

    (This is pretty common, as many older customers aren’t able to easily scratch the card.)

    Customer: “Did you go to church this morning?”

    Me: “Nope! I’ve been working since opening.”

    Customer: *suddenly a little less happy* “Well then, I better scratch it myself. For all I know, you’ve already put a hex on all the things I bought!”

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