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    Category: Religion

    There’s nothing worse than a stupid customer than a stupid customer with a cause. If these people had a maker he would likely have filed them under ‘rejects’.

    Using The Lord’s Name Doesn’t Deliver

    | CA, USA | Hotels & Lodging, Religion, Top

    (A former guest calls on phone.)

    Guest: “Hello. My son’s basketball team stayed there yesterday and apparently my son left his sneakers and all of his clothes in the room.”

    Agent: “Ah, yes. I see a bag here the housekeepers dropped off. You will need to contact a next day mail service, have them send us a pre-paid shipping box, and we will have them sent to you.”

    Guest: “WHAT!? I HAVE TO PAY FOR THAT!? You should just sent them to me! Everywhere I’ve ever stayed at before sent things to me I that left behind! This is outrageous!”

    Agent: “I’m sorry, ma’am. This is our hotel’s policy.”

    (The guest slams down phone, but calls back five minutes later.)

    Guest: “I’m sorry I got so upset. You see, I am a Christian missionary on a charity mission and I have very little disposable funds. Please call your boss and kindly ask him to pay for the shipping and tell him to consider it an act of charity. Thankyougodblessyoujesuspleaseplease.”

    (I call the hotel owner, the most frugal man I have ever met and a devout Hindu.)

    Owner: “Call her back tell her we will be very happy to drop her son’s clothes off at a nearby homeless shelter and she and Jesus can feel very good about the clothes being given to people more needy than herself. A wonderful act of charity on her part.”

    (I tell the guest:)

    Guest: “I’ll send the box…”

    Lost In Holy Translation

    | Australia | Books & Reading, Extra Stupid, Religion

    Me: “Hi! How can I help you?”

    Customer: “Hey, do you have The Bible?”

    Me: “Yeah, heaps. Let me—”

    Customer: “No.” *looking at phone* “I need The Bible by the author… King James!”

    Me: “…”

    Customer: “Do you have it?”

    Me: “Sure…”

    Cross Them Off Your Shopping List

    | Hayward, CA, USA | Bad Behavior, Religion, Wild & Unruly

    (My partner and I have a stall in a vintage clothing collective. On the day in question, I am working the counter when a woman comes in wanting to sell some clothes.)

    Customer: “I want to sell these.”

    Me: “Okay, let me see what you’ve got.”

    (As I am looking over the clothes, which are mostly from chain stores in the past 10 years, she notices I am wearing a vintage pewter cross.)

    Customer: “Hey! Why are you wearing that cross?!”

    Me: “Um, I like it?”

    Customer: “Hah! Just as I thought! You’re a disgrace! Wearing a cross as a piece of jewelry!”

    Partner: *coming out of the back room* “Technically, it IS a piece of jewelry! And she has every right to wear it.”

    Customer: “Hah! I seriously doubt that! So tell me, are you a Christian?”

    Me: “If you’re asking that question, I’m probably not what YOU would consider a Christian.”

    Customer: “I thought as much! You take that cross off right now, you little heathen!”

    Partner: *becoming very irritated* “Actually, ma’am, we have both attended many churches, including Methodist, Episcopal, and Old Catholic.”

    Me: “I’m currently Religious Scientist.”

    Customer: “I thought as much! Heathens! You aren’t entitled to wear that cross!”

    Me: “I’m as much entitled as you, Ma’am.”

    Partner: “So, if you’re not buying anything, please leave the store and stop harassing us.”

    Customer: “I’m not buying, I’m selling!”

    Partner: “Oh, no, you’re not.”

    Me: “You don’t have any REAL vintage, anyway.”

    Customer: “Well, I never! You girls don’t know how to run a business! I wouldn’t want to sell to a couple of heathens, anyway!”

    (She gathered up her clothes and exited the store in a huff. Thankfully, she never entered our heathen store again.)

    All Meals Come Pre-Blessed

    , | USA | Family & Kids, Funny Names, Religion

    (At the restaurant I work at all of the employees names are written on a wall. A little girl around the age of six and her dad walk in. While waiting for their food she is reading the names out loud and spots the name Jesus.)

    Girl: “Daddy, look, they have Jesus working here! That’s so awesome. Now we don’t have to pray before this meal!”

    (Jesus got a chuckle out of this as the dad quickly explained it is a name pronounced ‘hey-Zeus.’)

    Calling At All Stations To The 19th Century

    | FL, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Religion, Top

    (I’m working in the deli section of my store part-time and studying computer science at a local university. Tomorrow I have an exam and it’s making it hard to concentrate at work, as the elderly woman I’m serving notices.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, young man. I said I wanted the smoked ham, not the honey ham.”

    Me: “Oh, I’m sorry about that. I’m just a little distracted. Smoked ham coming right up.”

    Customer: “You really should pay closer attention to your work.”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am. I just have an exam tomorrow and it’s a little hard to concentrate.”

    Customer: “You look a little old to still be in high school.”

    Me: “I’m not in high school. I’m studying computer science at [University].”

    Customer: “[University]? Oh, no, no, no. That won’t do at all.”

    Me: *stopping slicing* “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “Oh, honey, you need to leave that university right away. You’re not smart enough to go to college.”

    Me: “Uh…”

    Customer: “If you were, you wouldn’t be working here. Besides, God ordained you to be part of the servant class. The purpose of your life is to serve the good people, like me.”

    (My jaw is hanging open.)

    Customer: “You need to invest yourself totally in your work here. This is what people like you were meant for. You should never try to rise above your station. You’ll make God very angry.”

    Me: “…well. I’m just going to step away from my ‘station’ for a moment. [Coworker], could you give me a hand here? I really need to step out.”

    (I walked into the cooler, closed the door all the way, and didn’t come back until the customer had gone and I had calmed down.)

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