November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

Category: Religion

There’s nothing worse than a stupid customer than a stupid customer with a cause. If these people had a maker he would likely have filed them under ‘rejects’.

Be Christian Or Have The Devil To Pay

| UT, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Religion

(I’m a cashier at a large supermarket. There are small charity donation tins at each register; upon receiving their change, customers often deposit their change in these tins.)

Me: “Okay, so your total is $28.40. How will you be paying today?”

Customer: “Cash.” *hands me $30*

Me: “Here’s your $1.60 change. Thank you, and have a nice day!”

Customer: “Wait. You aren’t one of those Satanists, are you?”

Me: “Umm… no? Why?”

Customer: “Good, I just wanted to be sure before donating.”

(The customer puts the change in the charity tin, smiling smugly and dripping with pomp. I feel somewhat unimpressed that this person was going to choose whether to donate or not based purely on my religious preferences rather than out of any kind of human decency or concern for the charity in question.)

Me: “Of course, I’m not a Christian either.” *waving cheerily as the customer backs away in horror and disgust* “Have a lovely day!”

His Explanation Isn’t Kosher

, | NY, USA | Religion

(I work in a college dining hall in the kosher kitchen.)

Customer #1: “Hey, so what is kosher anyways?”

Me: “Well, it’s—”

Customer #2: “It means the food has been watched over by one of their priests.”

Me: “No, actually, that’s a common misconception. It’s actually—”

Customer #2: “No, it’s not. That’s how it works. Clearly, you don’t know what you’re talking about.” *the guy is wearing a cross around his neck*

Me: “That’d be amazing, considering I’m an Orthodox Jew and I’ve kept kosher all my life. I wasn’t aware that non-Jews knew more about my religion than I do. Please, go on.”

(Customer #2 huffed and left. His friend looked slightly embarrassed and hurried away before I can continue my explanation.)

This Customer Is The Opposite Of Manna From Heaven

| Fort Wayne, IN, USA | Religion

(My store exclusively sells religious books and gift items, such as posters. One of the posters depicts a funny fictional scene from The Old Testament: while Israelites catch manna falling from the sky in their mouths, one guy chokes in disgust. A bird flying overhead implies that he caught something much less pleasant than heavenly bread.)

Customer: “What is this?”

Me: “Oh, that’s an example of some of the posters we have for sale. That manna one is the most popular. People get a big kick out of it.”

Customer: “I can’t believe you would have a poster like this! How offensive!”

(This is the first time I’ve ever heard a customer complain about this particular poster. Most people chuckle when they walk past it.)

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “You should be! It’s disrespectful to one of the great patriarchs!”

Me “You mean Moses? He’s not the choking guy in the poster. He’s standing off to the side, see?”

Customer: “No! This entire poster is disrespectful! What a disgrace that you hang it in a Christian store!”

Me: “Well, can I help you find something else that’s more tasteful?”

Customer: “No, but you can get me your manager!”

Me: “The manager? Why?”

Customer: “I demand that this poster be taken down immediately! It’s so offensive!”

Me: “Ma’am, the manager is really busy right now. I’ll be happy to tell her later that—”

Customer: “Get her out here NOW!”

(I go drag the manager away from her phone conference and bring her out. The customer repeats her complaints about the poster.)

Manager: “I’m sorry you feel that way, ma’am, but the poster is one of the best-selling—”

Customer: “I demand that you take it down right now!”

Manager: “The poster is—”

Customer: “If you don’t take it down right now, I’ll never shop here again! You’ll lose all the money I spend at this store! I am a VERY loyal customer and come here all the time!”

(The manager rolled her eyes and took the poster down. Without even so much as a ‘thank you,’ the customer walked away in a huff. She didn’t buy anything… and we never saw her again after that. So much for that ‘loyal customer’!)

Retract The Tract

| FL, USA | Awesome Customers, Religion

(No one at my restaurant likes working the Sunday lunch shift, because it’s full of people who have just come from the nearby church. Most of them are total cheapskates and sometimes they’ll even get in your face about it. This Sunday, I’ve just delivered the check to a young couple.)

Male Customer: “Instead of a tip, I’m just going to give you this tract.”

(He hands me a paper and they both have huge grins on their faces as I can feel my expression turning into an obvious scowl.)

Me: “Oh, uh… thanks.”1

Female Customer: “I think you’ll find everything worthwhile about religion written down there.”

(I open the paper they give me as they get up to leave, and I get two surprises. First is a $20 tip on a $30 check, even though they said they weren’t going to tip me. Second, the paper is completely blank.)

Me: “This, uh… this is a blank paper.”

Male Customer: “We’re atheists.”

Would Love To See Her React To Blueberry Pie

| Canberra, ACT, Australia | Crazy Requests, Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Religion

(Where I work we have gummy bears as an extra on the menu, and when younger kids come in I tend to fill a little dish with bears from the container and offer it to them while their guardians decide what to order. The other day, I offer some to a family with dad, mum, and three kids. When I offered the gummy bears to the kids, they recoiled and looked at their mum.)

Mother: “Are there blue gummy bears in there?”

Me: *I look at the container in my hand* “Yes, there are.”

(She nods ‘yes’ to her kids, who grab all the gummy bears from the container except the blue ones. I open my mouth to joke about them leaving the blue ones when the mother smacks the container out of my hand, shattering the dish on the floor and spilling bears everywhere. Very calmly she steps forward and informs me:)

Mother: “Blue food is unnatural and the Devil’s work.”

(Stunned, I stare at her while she calmly fills her order and her kids don’t even blink. No further comments are made other than:)

Mother: “You should wear gloves while cleaning this up, dear.”