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  • Category: Religion

    There’s nothing worse than a stupid customer than a stupid customer with a cause. If these people had a maker he would likely have filed them under ‘rejects’.

    Bread And Prejudice

    | Ireland | Food & Drink, Language & Words, Religion

    Customer: “Can I have a ham and cheese sandwich please?”

    Me: “Would you like that on white or brown bread?”

    Customer: “I don’t mind. I’m not prejudiced.”

    Me: “You’re not… prejudiced?”

    Customer: “Not at all, sure the other day I ate some ‘properdoms’!” (That’s how she pronounced papadums – the flat crunchy bread you get in Indian restaurants.) “They were lovely.”

    Me: “Oh good. Now what type of bread would you like?”

    (At this point a woman of another ethnicity that had been served by my co-worker leaves. Suddenly, this customer becomes visibly relieved.)

    Customer: “Give me some good, God-fearing white bread!”

    Library Staff Are Very Amen-able

    | Tennessee, USA | Books & Reading, Religion

    Customer: *handing me a book* “Is this the Koran?”

    Me: “No sir, this appears to be a book about Ojibwe singers.”

    Customer: “The lady said it would be on aisle 6B.”

    Me: “It is, but the Koran’s call number is 297. This book is listed under 264.”

    *blank stare*

    Me: “Let me try to help you find it.”

    (Walking to aisle 6B, I notice that the book he grabbed is the first book on the aisle, at eye level.)

    Me: “Sir, did you just walk to aisle 6B and grab the first book you saw?”

    Customer: “I couldn’t find it, so…yes.”

    (He then find’s another book on the shelf.)

    Customer: “Oh here it is! Would this be the best one?”

    (The patron has picked up ‘The Complete Idiot’s Guide to the Koran’.)

    Empty Cans, Even Emptier Stomachs

    | Ontario, Canada | Religion

    (My friends and I are going door to door collecting cans for a food drive at our church.)

    Me: “Hello, we are collecting cans of food for [church]. Would you like to donate?”

    Teenage Girl: “So you guys take cans. What about pop cans?”

    Me: “No, we only take canned foods.”

    Teenage Girl: “Are you sure? I have some pop cans I don’t need.”

    Me: “No, we only accept canned foods.”

    Teenage Girl: “Okay, I’ll be right back.”

    (The girl closes the door and bangs around inside for a couple minutes. Then she opens the door with a handful of cans.)

    Teenage Girl: “Here are the cans. I grabbed some pop cans too.”

    (We look at the cans she gave us, and realize that they are all empty.)

    Teenage Girl: *to her mom* “I took out the recycling, Mom!”

    Freedom Of Screech

    | North Carolina, USA | Religion, School, Top

    (I’m an Admissions Officer and am working at a college fair. We are not religiously affiliated. I run into an alum.)

    Me: “Hi, is your daughter interested in [college]?”

    Alum: “I’m an alum. Class of ’83.”

    Me: “Fantastic!  I’m Class of ’04. Can I answer any questions for you?”

    Alum: “I won’t be letting my daughter look here. I have some issues with how [college] is being run. God is not happy with you, and neither am I.”

    Me: “I’m sorry to hear that, ma’am. If you’d like, I’d be happy to take your comment back to the Vice President of-”

    Alum: “Are you aware that you let in students with liberal views and speakers with socialist leanings?”

    Me: “Ma’am, we have a great deal of speakers on campus with a variety of view points.”

    Alum: “The school has gone downhill since we let in those people! So I’ve stopped giving money. You can take that back to them. You’ll no longer see my $25 a year.”

    Me: “Ma’am, as an alum myself, I’m proud to have graduated from a school that encourages both freedom of thought and speech in our students and speakers.”

    Alum: “You don’t need freedom of speech if you let Jesus think for you.”

    Stuck In Retail H***

    | Westfield, NJ, USA | At The Checkout, Religion

    Me: “Hello, how are you today?”

    Customer: “I’m rich with the love of the Lord.”

    (The customer places a pamphlet about religion on the register in front of me.)

    Me: “Oh…I’m sorry, but I’m not interested. Thank you.”

    Customer: “That is exactly why you need it. Sin is everywhere.”

    (I finish bagging the items and place the pamphlet in her bag.)

    Me: “Thank you. Enjoy the rest of your day!”

    Customer: “Go to h***!”

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