Category: Religion

There’s nothing worse than a stupid customer than a stupid customer with a cause. If these people had a maker he would likely have filed them under ‘rejects’.

Try Adobe HeathenShop

| Baltimore, MD, USA | Religion, Technology, Top

Customer: “Excuse me, can you tell me how this converter works?”

Me: “Let me see. It looks like you put your old photo negatives into it and it converts them to digital images.”

Customer: “So, it doesn’t make them Christians?”

Me: “Uh…what? Who?”

Customer: “It says it’s a “converter”. So, does it make the people in the pictures turn from devil worshippers into Christians?”

Me: *stunned* “No…No, it doesn’t do anything like that. It takes old negative strips from film cameras and converts them into digital images.”

Customer: “So, it won’t make them Christian?”

Me: “Nope.”

Customer: “What a useless piece of crap that is, then!”

We Will We Will Praise You

| Ohio, USA | Family & Kids, Religion

(I volunteer at a daycare. The daycare is very Christian, so we have a Christian radio station playing at all time. A song the teacher likes comes on. Note that it is a very slow “Praise the Lord and His angels”-type song.)

Teacher: “I like this song!”

Little girl #1: “Me too! Mommy has it on all the time!”

Teacher: “What about you, [Little girl #2]? Do you know this song?”

Little Girl #2: “No, but I know ‘We Will Rock You.'”

Teacher: “Um—”

Me: “Close enough.”

Shocking Mystery Solved

| Phoenix, AZ, USA | Bizarre, Religion, Rude & Risque, Top

(I work in the call center of a public library. Occasionally, we get strange callers just because it is free and we are required to talk to them.)

Caller: “You need to help me! The Mormons are giving electric shocks to my genitals through my windows!”

Me: “Um, this is a library, I’m not sure what—”

Caller: “You have to help me! I called the police but they won’t help me. They say I’m crazy. It’s the Mormons! They keep shocking my genitals!”

Me: “Well, uh, let me put you on hold for a second.”

(I put her on hold and call out the situation to the other librarians in the call center. One of them happens to be Mormon.)

Me: “I have a caller who claims Mormons are shocking her genitals through her windows.”

Mormon coworker: “We are.”

Introducing The Friends & Family & Deities Plan

| British Columbia, Canada | Religion

(Two older ladies come in. One asks about our Tibetan Prayer Flags, which are quite popular. I’m new and listening in on my coworker’s explanation.)

Coworker: “Traditionally, it’s believed that as the wind blows, it carries your prayers into the universe.”

Lady #1: “Oh, that sounds just lovely. I like the idea of being connected to the universe. I once went to this workshop where I sent some things into the universe. It was very rewarding.”

Lady #2: *grumbles* “I don’t need no prayer flags. I have my own method of praying!”

Coworker: “We have this size, as well as a few mini ones. I have one hanging from a tree in my yard that I pass every day.”

Lady #1: “Yes, I definitely like these. It’s speaking to me.”

Lady #2: *grumbles louder* “So? I have a direct connection to the Creator!”

You’d Need Nine Mouths

| Allentown, PA, USA | Holidays, Religion

(A customer walking by pauses at the holiday clearance display, where I am standing.)

Customer: “Is this a musical instrument?”

Me: “No, that’s a menorah.”

Customer: “A what?”

Me: “A menorah. The candleholder used in the celebration of Hanukkah.”

Customer: “Do you know how to play it?”

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