Featured Story:
  • Always Time For A Rhyme
    (2,200 thumbs up)
  • Category: Religion

    There’s nothing worse than a stupid customer than a stupid customer with a cause. If these people had a maker he would likely have filed them under ‘rejects’.

    Cross Examining Churches

    | Saint John, NB, Canada | Religion, Tourists/Travel

    (I don’t work in tourism though I must seem like a friendly person since I do get a lot of people stopping me to ask questions of where things are.)

    Tourist: “Are you familiar with the area? Do you live around here?”

    Me: “Yes I do, what can I help you with?”

    Tourist: “I’m looking for a cathedral in this area somewhere.”

    Me: “Okay, which one in particular? There’s about four around here.”

    Tourist: “I’m looking for a Catholic cathedral.”

    Me: “Okay, let me think…the Anglican church is that way, there’s one near by don’t know what it is, one over up the street a ways–”

    Tourist: “I don’t want no Anglican church! Bloody Anglican whores! I want Catholic!”

    Me: “I think it’s that one right over there.” *I point at the church*

    Tourist: “Yes, that’s a cathedral. It had better not be Anglican or I’ll hunt you down!”

    Policemen Never Take Sabbath-icals

    | Pittsburgh, PA, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Religion

    (I pull a man over who is speeding and weaving between cars on the highway.)

    Driver: “Are you off duty? You can’t do traffic stops if you are off duty.”

    Me: “No, sir. See my uniform and marked vehicle?” *I point to my car with full lights on top and police written all over it*

    Driver: “They make you work on Sunday?”

    Me: “Yes, sir. We are 24/7.”

    Driver: “But who would commit a crime on a Sunday? That is blasphemy. They’ll go to hell!”

    Heartless & Toothless

    | Wisconsin Rapids, WI, USA | At The Checkout, Religion

    (I am ringing up an older female customer’s order which includes several name brand toothbrushes. They ring up at $3.50.)

    Customer: “Those toothbrushes should be 99 cents and buy-one-get-one-free!”

    Me: “That price was actually for the store brand ones that were located right under these. The sale tag is displayed right above the item.”

    Customer: “Well, I don’t want them, then. They were for the homeless at my church, and they don’t need toothbrushes if they cost that much!”

    When Rants Get Real

    | Durham, NC, USA | Books & Reading, Politics, Religion

    (These customers are usually regulars and rant with us.)

    Customer: “Those d*** telemarketers keep calling me at home. I swear, one of these days, I’m going to find those f***s and gun them down!”

    Me: “Aww, that’s hardly fair. They’re just doing their job, you know?”

    Customer: “Yeah, well that’s what the Nazis said at Nuremberg.”

    Me: “Are you honestly trying to comparing somebody calling you at home inconveniently equal to genocide?”

    Customer: “D*** right it is. They should do something about it too! Hold a trial or something.”

    Me: “Sir, I don’t think it’s really fair to make that sort of judgment on any individual.”

    Customer: “Oh, so you’re saying that what the Nazis did was okay?”

    Me: “Not at all. Just that it’s a bit of a stretch.”

    Customer: “Uh huh…you seem like the kind of guy who’d stand up for the terrorists, too wouldn’t you? I bet if they built a mosque on Ground Zero, you’d be okay with that, too!?”

    Me: “They’re already doing that.”

    Customer: “Wait, what!?”

    His Witnesses Will Need A Protection Program

    | Indiana, USA | Books & Reading, Religion

    (For legal reasons, our store cannot offer any discounts on books by a certain publisher.)

    Customer: “I’d like to use this coupon on my order, please.”

    Me: “Oh, I’m sorry. Your order is nothing but books by [publishers], and we can’t accept the coupon on them.”

    Customer: “Excuse me?”

    Me: “See, it says right here in the fine print, ‘Not valid on any [publisher's] products’.”

    Customer: “Well I know that! But you need to give me the discount anyway!”

    Me: “It’s against store policy. I can’t give you a discount on these books.”

    Customer: “Look, I’m using these books to witness to people who don’t know the Lord. You should give me a discount because I’m giving them to people who need them!”

    Me: “There is nothing I can do about that. I don’t set the prices or the policies.”

    Customer: “If [bookstore] really does claim to be a Christian business, then they should give discounts to people who buy stuff to witness to other people! You’re making me waste the Lord’s money!”

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