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    Category: Religion

    There’s nothing worse than a stupid customer than a stupid customer with a cause. If these people had a maker he would likely have filed them under ‘rejects’.

    Freedom Of Screech

    | North Carolina, USA | Religion, School, Top

    (I’m an Admissions Officer and am working at a college fair. We are not religiously affiliated. I run into an alum.)

    Me: “Hi, is your daughter interested in [college]?”

    Alum: “I’m an alum. Class of ’83.”

    Me: “Fantastic!  I’m Class of ’04. Can I answer any questions for you?”

    Alum: “I won’t be letting my daughter look here. I have some issues with how [college] is being run. God is not happy with you, and neither am I.”

    Me: “I’m sorry to hear that, ma’am. If you’d like, I’d be happy to take your comment back to the Vice President of-”

    Alum: “Are you aware that you let in students with liberal views and speakers with socialist leanings?”

    Me: “Ma’am, we have a great deal of speakers on campus with a variety of view points.”

    Alum: “The school has gone downhill since we let in those people! So I’ve stopped giving money. You can take that back to them. You’ll no longer see my $25 a year.”

    Me: “Ma’am, as an alum myself, I’m proud to have graduated from a school that encourages both freedom of thought and speech in our students and speakers.”

    Alum: “You don’t need freedom of speech if you let Jesus think for you.”

    Stuck In Retail H***

    | Westfield, NJ, USA | At The Checkout, Religion

    Me: “Hello, how are you today?”

    Customer: “I’m rich with the love of the Lord.”

    (The customer places a pamphlet about religion on the register in front of me.)

    Me: “Oh…I’m sorry, but I’m not interested. Thank you.”

    Customer: “That is exactly why you need it. Sin is everywhere.”

    (I finish bagging the items and place the pamphlet in her bag.)

    Me: “Thank you. Enjoy the rest of your day!”

    Customer: “Go to h***!”

    SIN Number

    | Glasgow, UK | Religion, Technology

    Me: “Good evening, you’re through to [name]. How can I help?”

    Caller: “There’s something wrong with the PIN for my set top box.”

    Me: “Oh, have you forgotten it?”

    Caller: “No, I know it, I just don’t like it.”

    Me: “So, you want to change it? You can do that from the box itself.”

    Caller: “Oh no! I can’t, I won’t! It is an evil number! It is your sworn duty to change it for me!”

    Me: “Okay. I can do that for you, no problem. So your current PIN is ‘0666’?”

    Caller: “Yes! Why did you let the Devil change it? I haven’t been able to play back my recordings because typing that will taint my enjoyment of them!”

    Me: “We didn’t, it’s based on the last 4 digits of your viewing card, it’s a random number.”

    Caller: “You should really put something in place to stop evil forces from controlling your random numbers like that. It’s insensitive and careless!”

    Store Of The D***ed

    | Atlanta, GA, USA | Religion

    Me: “Hi, how can help you today?”

    Customer: “Are you a lesbian!?”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “You’ve got real short hair. I heard that women with short hair are lesbians.”

    Me: “So, was there anything I could help you with?”

    Customer: “You can answer my question! Are you a lesbian or not?!”

    Me: “Sir, I don’t feel it’s appropriate for me to answer that.”

    Customer: “I don’t want some hell-bound homosexual near me! God will strike you down for disobeying his word!”

    Me: “Okay, okay. If you really must know, no I am not a lesbian.”

    Customer: “Then why do you have short hair??”

    (By this time, my manager, who is male-to-female transgender, walks over.)

    Manager: *in their manly voice* “Is there a problem here, sir?”

    Customer: “Oh dear lord! You’re not a woman!”

    Manager: “Only on paper, sir.

    Customer: *runs out screaming* “This place is d***ed! D***ed I tell you!”

    Short Cake, Tall Order

    | Southlake, TX, USA | Food & Drink, Religion, Top

    Customer: “Excuse me?”

    Me: “Good afternoon, ma’am. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “I’d like a cake made. Can you make a cake in about 20 minutes?”

    Me: “Unfortunately, we have no available decorators at this time. I can certainly take an order for tomorrow morning, however.”

    Customer: “No! That’s unacceptable! I refuse to be treated differently just because I’m Jewish!”

    Me: “I’m also a Jew, but the issue is that I don’t have the proper training to make a cake for you at this time. I can place an order for you, but can do little more than that.”

    Customer: “No, forget it. I refuse to be discriminated like this! I’m leaving!”

    Me: “Have a nice day, and happy Hanukkah!”

    Customer: “What the h*** is Hanukkah?!”


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