Featured Story:
  • Always Time For A Rhyme
    (2,245 thumbs up)
  • Category: Religion

    There’s nothing worse than a stupid customer than a stupid customer with a cause. If these people had a maker he would likely have filed them under ‘rejects’.

    I Sense Toil And Trouble

    | Toronto, ON, Canada | Movies & TV, Religion

    (A customer hands me a ticket to a movie that we are not ready to let people into yet.)

    Me: “Oh, I’m sorry. The auditorium for [movie] is just being cleaned right now.”

    Customer: “Oh, okay. No problem.”

    Another customer: *comes running up to me* “What did you say about [movie]? What’s wrong?”

    Me: “Nothing is wrong. We’re just cleaning the seats and aisles before we let people in.”

    Another customer: “Oh, thank goodness! I thought you said it was being ‘cleansed’. I don’t want a movie theater that believes in that new-age spiritual witchcraft stuff!”

    Me: “Oh. Nothing like that happens here.”

    Another customer: “Good!”

    (The movie she was waiting to see? ‘Season Of The Witch’.)

    Needs A Mass Reboot

    | Charleston, SC, USA | Religion, Technology

    (A customer walks up to the counter with a desktop and sets it down.)
     
    Customer: “Excuse me, are you Catholic?”
     
    Me: “No.”
     
    Customer: “Well, I think it’s possessed and it needs an exorcism. Do you have any Catholic workers?”
     
    Me: “I don’t think so. Maybe I can take a look at it?”
     
    Customer: “No! You have to be Catholic!” *takes his desktop and leaves*

    Hell In A Recycle Basket

    | Bloomington, IL, USA | Family & Kids, Movies & TV, Religion

    (A mom, dad, and their son walk out of a 3D movie and are throwing their 3D glasses into the recycling bin.)
     
    Son: “Can I keep my glasses?”
     
    Mother: “No, we have to recycle them.”
     
    Son: “What if I don’t?”
     
    Mother: “Uh, well…then you go to purgatory!”

    The Customer Is Always Righteous

    | Boston, MA, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Religion

    (A regular customer comes into our store. She’s known to be very difficult to please.)

    Customer: “Good evening.”

    Me: *cheerily, while ringing her items up* “Good evening, ma’am! That’s $5.31, please.”

    (She puts a credit card down in front of me, which I ring through the register.)

    Me: “If you could please sign right there…”

    (I point, and she does. I bag her items and hand her the bag, her credit card, and her receipt. She takes them slowly and I think I’ve done a good job, but apparently not.)

    Customer: “You dishonor me! You dishonor me and you will burn for it!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am.”

    Customer: “God honors me! You don’t, and you will burn! I don’t know, I’m not God. But that’s what he’s saying. You dishonor me and you will burn!” *walks away*

    Me: *totally speechless*

    Sounds Like They’ve Had Too Many Bottles Already

    | Memphis, TN, USA | Religion

    (I’m working at a popular arts and crafts store as a cashier.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [store], this is [name], how can I help you?”

    Customer: “Yes, do you have a chemical, or some sort of solution, for turning clear water into wine?”

    Me: “Uh… like… dyeing it to look like wine?”

    Customer: *completely serious* “No. Turning it INTO wine.”

    Me: “Ma’am, I think you’ll have better luck calling the church for that.”

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