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    Category: Religion

    There’s nothing worse than a stupid customer than a stupid customer with a cause. If these people had a maker he would likely have filed them under ‘rejects’.

    Sudo-Religious

    | New Zealand | Religion, Technology

    (An older customer with a very old laptop approaches me.)

    Customer: “Can you help me? I upgraded to the new Windows 7 thing and it’s going really really slow. Do I have a virus?”

    Me: “I’ll take a look, but have you considered running Linux or moving back to Windows XP if you still have it? Your computer’s probably slow because it’s not new enough to handle the more intensive new operating systems.”

    Customer: “But Linux is made by atheists!”

    Try Adobe HeathenShop

    | Baltimore, MD, USA | Religion, Technology, Top

    Customer: “Excuse me, can you tell me how this converter works?”

    Me: “Let me see. It looks like you put your old photo negatives into it and it converts them to digital images.”

    Customer: “So, it doesn’t make them Christians?”

    Me: “Uh…what? Who?”

    Customer: “It says it’s a “converter”. So, does it make the people in the pictures turn from devil worshippers into Christians?”

    Me: *stunned* “No…No, it doesn’t do anything like that. It takes old negative strips from film cameras and converts them into digital images.”

    Customer: “So, it won’t make them Christian?”

    Me: “Nope.”

    Customer: “What a useless piece of crap that is, then!”

    We Will We Will Praise You

    | Ohio, USA | Family & Kids, Religion

    (I volunteer at a daycare. The daycare is very Christian, so we have a Christian radio station playing at all time. A song the teacher likes comes on. Note that it is a very slow “Praise the Lord and His angels”-type song.)

    Teacher: “I like this song!”

    Little girl #1: “Me too! Mommy has it on all the time!”

    Teacher: “What about you, [Little girl #2]? Do you know this song?”

    Little Girl #2: “No, but I know ‘We Will Rock You.’”

    Teacher: “Um—”

    Me: “Close enough.”

    Shocking Mystery Solved

    | Phoenix, AZ, USA | Bizarre, Religion, Rude & Risque, Top

    (I work in the call center of a public library. Occasionally, we get strange callers just because it is free and we are required to talk to them.)

    Caller: “You need to help me! The Mormons are giving electric shocks to my genitals through my windows!”

    Me: “Um, this is a library, I’m not sure what—”

    Caller: “You have to help me! I called the police but they won’t help me. They say I’m crazy. It’s the Mormons! They keep shocking my genitals!”

    Me: “Well, uh, let me put you on hold for a second.”

    (I put her on hold and call out the situation to the other librarians in the call center. One of them happens to be Mormon.)

    Me: “I have a caller who claims Mormons are shocking her genitals through her windows.”

    Mormon coworker: “We are.”

    Introducing The Friends & Family & Deities Plan

    | British Columbia, Canada | Religion

    (Two older ladies come in. One asks about our Tibetan Prayer Flags, which are quite popular. I’m new and listening in on my coworker’s explanation.)

    Coworker: “Traditionally, it’s believed that as the wind blows, it carries your prayers into the universe.”

    Lady #1: “Oh, that sounds just lovely. I like the idea of being connected to the universe. I once went to this workshop where I sent some things into the universe. It was very rewarding.”

    Lady #2: *grumbles* “I don’t need no prayer flags. I have my own method of praying!”

    Coworker: “We have this size, as well as a few mini ones. I have one hanging from a tree in my yard that I pass every day.”

    Lady #1: “Yes, I definitely like these. It’s speaking to me.”

    Lady #2: *grumbles louder* “So? I have a direct connection to the Creator!”

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