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  • This Round He Lost (In Translation), Part 4
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    Category: Religion

    There’s nothing worse than a stupid customer than a stupid customer with a cause. If these people had a maker he would likely have filed them under ‘rejects’.

    Heartless & Toothless

    | Wisconsin Rapids, WI, USA | At The Checkout, Religion

    (I am ringing up an older female customer’s order which includes several name brand toothbrushes. They ring up at $3.50.)

    Customer: “Those toothbrushes should be 99 cents and buy-one-get-one-free!”

    Me: “That price was actually for the store brand ones that were located right under these. The sale tag is displayed right above the item.”

    Customer: “Well, I don’t want them, then. They were for the homeless at my church, and they don’t need toothbrushes if they cost that much!”

    When Rants Get Real

    | Durham, NC, USA | Books & Reading, Politics, Religion

    (These customers are usually regulars and rant with us.)

    Customer: “Those d*** telemarketers keep calling me at home. I swear, one of these days, I’m going to find those f***s and gun them down!”

    Me: “Aww, that’s hardly fair. They’re just doing their job, you know?”

    Customer: “Yeah, well that’s what the Nazis said at Nuremberg.”

    Me: “Are you honestly trying to comparing somebody calling you at home inconveniently equal to genocide?”

    Customer: “D*** right it is. They should do something about it too! Hold a trial or something.”

    Me: “Sir, I don’t think it’s really fair to make that sort of judgment on any individual.”

    Customer: “Oh, so you’re saying that what the Nazis did was okay?”

    Me: “Not at all. Just that it’s a bit of a stretch.”

    Customer: “Uh huh…you seem like the kind of guy who’d stand up for the terrorists, too wouldn’t you? I bet if they built a mosque on Ground Zero, you’d be okay with that, too!?”

    Me: “They’re already doing that.”

    Customer: “Wait, what!?”

    His Witnesses Will Need A Protection Program

    | Indiana, USA | Books & Reading, Religion

    (For legal reasons, our store cannot offer any discounts on books by a certain publisher.)

    Customer: “I’d like to use this coupon on my order, please.”

    Me: “Oh, I’m sorry. Your order is nothing but books by [publishers], and we can’t accept the coupon on them.”

    Customer: “Excuse me?”

    Me: “See, it says right here in the fine print, ‘Not valid on any [publisher's] products’.”

    Customer: “Well I know that! But you need to give me the discount anyway!”

    Me: “It’s against store policy. I can’t give you a discount on these books.”

    Customer: “Look, I’m using these books to witness to people who don’t know the Lord. You should give me a discount because I’m giving them to people who need them!”

    Me: “There is nothing I can do about that. I don’t set the prices or the policies.”

    Customer: “If [bookstore] really does claim to be a Christian business, then they should give discounts to people who buy stuff to witness to other people! You’re making me waste the Lord’s money!”

    Bread And Prejudice

    | Ireland | Food & Drink, Language & Words, Religion

    Customer: “Can I have a ham and cheese sandwich please?”

    Me: “Would you like that on white or brown bread?”

    Customer: “I don’t mind. I’m not prejudiced.”

    Me: “You’re not… prejudiced?”

    Customer: “Not at all, sure the other day I ate some ‘properdoms’!” (That’s how she pronounced papadums – the flat crunchy bread you get in Indian restaurants.) “They were lovely.”

    Me: “Oh good. Now what type of bread would you like?”

    (At this point a woman of another ethnicity that had been served by my co-worker leaves. Suddenly, this customer becomes visibly relieved.)

    Customer: “Give me some good, God-fearing white bread!”

    Library Staff Are Very Amen-able

    | Tennessee, USA | Books & Reading, Religion

    Customer: *handing me a book* “Is this the Koran?”

    Me: “No sir, this appears to be a book about Ojibwe singers.”

    Customer: “The lady said it would be on aisle 6B.”

    Me: “It is, but the Koran’s call number is 297. This book is listed under 264.”

    *blank stare*

    Me: “Let me try to help you find it.”

    (Walking to aisle 6B, I notice that the book he grabbed is the first book on the aisle, at eye level.)

    Me: “Sir, did you just walk to aisle 6B and grab the first book you saw?”

    Customer: “I couldn’t find it, so…yes.”

    (He then find’s another book on the shelf.)

    Customer: “Oh here it is! Would this be the best one?”

    (The patron has picked up ‘The Complete Idiot’s Guide to the Koran’.)


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