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    Category: Religion

    There’s nothing worse than a stupid customer than a stupid customer with a cause. If these people had a maker he would likely have filed them under ‘rejects’.

    Don’t Tell The Methodists

    | Texas, USA | Religion, Top

    Customer: “I’d like 50 Christmas stamps, please.”

    Me: “What denomination?”

    Customer: *befuddled* “Oh, my, has it come to this? Um, give me 22 Catholic, 12 Presbyterian, 10 Lutheran and 6 of the Baptists.”

    What Possessed You To Do That

    | North Shore, MA, USA | Bizarre, Books & Reading, Religion, Top

    (This happens while I am working at a Christian book store that also sells other “Christian” items. This particular incident involves a customer’s dissatisfaction with a child’s toy called the “Armor of God”, which includes a sword, a shield, and armor.)

    Me: “Hello, thank you for calling [store]. How may I help you today?”

    Caller: “Hello, I would like a refund for a toy I bought my son last week called the ‘Armor of God’.”

    Me: “I can help you with that. Can I please have the order number?”

    Caller: “Yes, the order number is ########.”

    Me: “Now, was the item defective or damaged in any way, or are you simply dissatisfied with the product?”

    Caller: “The toy is possessed.”

    Me: “I’m sorry?”

    Caller: “The moment my son put on the armor he started screaming and running around attacking everything with the sword. The toy is possessed and I want a full refund. Frankly I’m shocked that a store advertising Christian products would sell something like this!”

    Me: “Okay, well, if you box up the items, I can send you a return shipping label. When the toy arrives at our warehouse you will receive a full refund.”

    Caller: “You want it back?”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am. I can’t give you a refund unless the item is returned.”

    Caller: “I’m afraid that’s impossible.”

    Me: “Has the toy been damaged in some way?”

    Caller: “No, I buried it.”

    Me: “What?”

    Caller: “It was possessed by a demon, so I buried it.”

    Me: “Well, I’m sorry, ma’am, but if that’s the case, I’m afraid I cannot give you a refund.”

    Caller: “Why not?”

    Me: “Well, you buried the toy in the ground. You’re refusing to return it and the toy is ruined anyway. Per company policy, I cannot give you a refund.”

    Caller: “Are you serious? First, you sell me a possessed toy, putting my family in danger, and now you refuse to give me my money back? I demand to speak to your manager!”

    Me: “Certainly, ma’am, but first have you considered that possibly the toy isn’t possessed and that your son was just play fighting?”

    Caller: “How dare you! Do you think I don’t know the difference? Do you think I’m lying? My son has never acted this way before. The toy is possessed and I am owed a refund. I demand to speak to your manager! I have never been so insulted!”

    Me: “Let me place you on hold while I transfer you to my supervisor…”

    The Horrors Of Mispronunciation, Part 2

    | Salt Lake City, UT, USA | Religion

    (I work in a call center that distributes supplies to missions all over the world. We get called at least three times a week, sometimes more, by a woman who likes to order supplies for her mission one or two items at a time. Also, all missionaries carry a ministerial card, certifying them as authorized representatives of our church.)

    Me: “Okay, I’ve entered that order for you. Is there anything else you need?”

    Customer: “Yes, I need a menstrual certificate.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, a what?”

    Customer: “A menstrual certificate!”

    Me: “A what?”

    Customer: “A menstrual certificate! One of our elders has lost his menstrual certificate, and he needs a new one!”

    Me: “Um, I think you should call the missionary department about that one.”

    Related:
    The Horrors Of Mispronunciation

    The Devil You Know

    | New York, USA | Religion, Top

    (I am getting ready to wash a resident’s open wound. While I am putting on my gloves, the resident sees that I am wearing a ring that marks me as a member of a certain Christian sect. It is a sect that many other Christians do not consider to be Christian, and there is a fair bit of prejudice towards us.)

    Resident: “Is there anyone else who could do this?”

    Me: “[Coworker] is the only other person on the unit today qualified to do this. Is something wrong?”

    Resident: “Your ring. I don’t want to be touched by one of you demons. You’re a sex-crazed cult.”

    Me: “I am sorry you feel that way, ma’am. If you’re uncomfortable with me, I can certainly get [coworker].”

    Resident: “I’m so glad you’re here. Her lifestyle is just so sex-crazed and evil. It’s frankly un-Christian!”

    Coworker: “You do know that she is a virgin who has never smoked or drank in her life and carries a picture of Christ in her wallet, right?”

    Resident: *speechless*

    Coworker: “Oh, and one more thing. I’m an atheist, I live with a man I’m not married to, and I have three kids.”

    Smut And Sin, Just Don’t Show Skin

    | British Columbia, Canada | Religion, Rude & Risque, Top

    (We sell a variety of different magazines. The very back row is where the smut magazines are kept. Note that I’m a 16-year-old girl and very uninterested in that sort of thing.)

    Customer: “Do you know if you only sell Playboy magazines, or do you sell Playgirl magazines as well?”

    Me: “I have no idea, ma’am. I don’t, uh, pay much attention to the back row.”

    Customer: “Why? Do scantily clad girls offend you and your religion?”

    Me: “No, ma’am. I’m actually not really religious. I’m just not into that sort of thing.”

    Customer: “What do you mean you’re not religious? Don’t you know that Jesus died on the cross for your sins?”

    Me: “Ma’am, I don’t want to get into a debate about religion. I just want to help you find what you’re looking for–”

    Customer: “You’re a sinner! You sin and sell smut magazines!”

    Me: *confused* “Ma’am, weren’t you looking for Playgirl magazines?”

    (The customer turns beet red, storms out of the store, hops into her car, and drives away.)


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