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    Category: Religion

    There’s nothing worse than a stupid customer than a stupid customer with a cause. If these people had a maker he would likely have filed them under ‘rejects’.

    Misbehavior Reaches Critical Mass

    | USA | Family & Kids, Religion

    (My husband and I are sitting a few tables down from a family of six. All of the children are older, the youngest looking about 17, so I didn’t expect any problems until a priest walks in.)

    Teenage daughter: “Hey [brothers' names], look at the priest!”

    Mother: “Shush, don’t embarrass yourself.”

    Son #1: “S***, does this mean we can’t do s***?”

    Teenage daughter: “Oooh, you swore in front of a priest! You’re going to Hell!”

    Son #1: “You’re going to Hell for being a wh***.”

    (The parents look mortified at their behavior. I am shocked, too, especially at a man in his early twenties calling his younger sister a wh***. After chastising them both, the parents go back to conversing with the older daughter until the other two start up again.)

    Teenage daughter: “Hey, [other brother], I dare you to go ask for confession.”

    Son #2: “Seriously, you both need to shut up.”

    Teenage daughter: *completely ignoring her mother’s warning* “You’re scared of a little priest? What’s he going to do? Send me to Hell?”

    (Finally, it appears the priest has had enough, and stands up, approaching the table from the girl’s side.)

    Priest: “First off, young lady, I have heard your mother tell you to be quiet several times. The fourth commandment says honor thy mother and thy father. You, my dear, obviously need some work on that. Secondly, if anyone needs confession at this table, it is you. Thirdly, the makeup doesn’t quite cover the hickey on your neck.”

    (At this, the second son bursts out laughing, and the father profusely thanks the priest for reigning in his now speechless daughter. They ask the priest to join them and insist on paying for his meal. Besides that, on the way out, I hear the mother tell the daughter she’s grounded until she’s 30.)

    In God We Tax

    | Pasadena, CA, USA | Money, Religion

    (An elderly customer in a Catholic priest’s cassock with a thick Irish accent comes into our bookstore. I add up his purchases and hand him a receipt. He looks over it, but hands it back to me.)

    Customer: “There’s been a mistake. I don’t pay sales tax.”

    Me: “Oh, I’m sorry, sir. Can I see your resale card?”

    Customer: “I don’t have one of those. These items are for myself.”

    Me: “Well, then, I’m afraid you have to pay sales tax. Everyone pays sales tax unless they have a resale card.”

    Customer: “You’re mistaken. Priests don’t pay sales tax.”

    Me: “Maybe not in Ireland, but they do in the US.”

    Customer: “…And that’s why this country is completely uncivilized!” *leaves*

    Burn The Other Cheek

    | Valley Stream, NY, USA | Religion, Wild & Unruly

    Me: “Good morning, sir. Would you like to purchase our protection plan on this?”

    Customer #1: *very thick Jamaican accent* “Nah, your coworker explained that. I don’t want it.”

    Me: “Alright, sir.”

    (I proceed to remove the anti-theft device and scan the GPS.)

    Customer #1: “Does this…”

    (The rest of the question is so garbled by his accent that I can not make it out.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir… could you repeat that?”

    (My coworker, who by chance is also from Jamaica, jumps in and answers the customer’s question. After about 30 seconds of discussion between the two, it’s clear the customer still has some unresolved questions, and since I am the only register open a line has been forming. I interrupt their conversation briefly.)

    Me: “Excuse me, I’m just going to suspend this transaction so I can take the next customer. As soon as you’re ready, I’ll finish up for you.”

    Customer #1: “Okay.” *continues asking my coworker questions*

    Me: *calling out* “Next, please!”

    Customer #1: “YOU BIGOT!”

    (Suddenly, Customer #1 throws the GPS at me, hard enough to crack the plastic clamshell case it’s in and giving me a small cut on my arm. He then storms out of the store. My coworker and I look at each other, confused, as the next customer, Customer #2, walks up to my register. Customer #2 is a middle-aged woman with a similar Jamaican accent. She is wearing a church t-shirt.)

    Customer #2: “That man was so rude to you for no reason.”

    Me: “Thank you, ma’am. I really have no idea why he called me a bigot.”

    Customer #2: “A good Christian should be kind. People like that should just die and rot in H***!”

    Just Plain Batty, Part 2

    | California, USA | Crazy Requests, Religion

    (I work as a Sunday school teacher at my church, which I’ve been going to for the past ten years. Most of the church members know me by now, and they know I’m a goth, even though I don’t look it when I’m working. This happens when a new member notices I am wearing a bat necklace.)

    New Member: *gasps* “That’s scary!”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    New Member: You “shouldn’t wear that to church. It’s scary and it’s evil! You’re corrupting the children!”

    Other Member: *to the new member* “It’s just a bat; bats aren’t evil.”

    New Member: “It’s a vampire, and vampires are from Satan!”

    (I put my necklace into my shirt so no one can see it. After church, the pastor comes up to me.)

    Pastor: “Where’s your necklace? Did you lose it?”

    Me: “Someone complained about it because it was ‘scary,’ so I tucked it into my shirt.”

    Pastor: “That’s stupid. I’d hate to have her see what you have planned for the kids this Halloween!”

    Related:
    Just Plain Batty

    Wake Up And Hell The Coffee

    | Gloucestershire, England, UK | Food & Drink, Religion

    (I’m working the Sunday morning shift in the cafe in the middle of winter. Our cafe is opposite the church.)

    Customer: *comes in from the church, shivering*

    Me: “You look cold.”

    Customer: “Oh, the church central heating is broken again, and the vicar went on and on and on. You’d think he’d have thought to have let us out early when it’s this cold.”

    Me: “Well, what can I get you to warm you up?”

    Customer: “A large latte please…” *perks up suddenly* “…and make it evil, evil, EVIL hot!”

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