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    Category: Religion

    There’s nothing worse than a stupid customer than a stupid customer with a cause. If these people had a maker he would likely have filed them under ‘rejects’.

    This Silver Story Is Pure Gold

    | New York, NY, USA | At The Checkout, Religion

    (A woman is attempting to return some rusted silverware she brought around five years ago from our store. Since it’s no longer on file and I can’t find any information on it, I call my manager, who happens to be both a former priest, and married.)

    Manager: “Okay, ma’am, please understand I can’t return this for its original price as this set is no longer in our system. I can return it for the price of our cheapest on-hand set, though.”

    Customer: “No, I want it for the original price. Nothing less. It was about $90.00, I believe.”

    Manager: “I am sorry ma’am, but I can’t do that on an item that’s over five years old.”

    Customer: “Oh, I think you can.” *she leans over the register and purses her lips* “I’d make it worth your while.”

    Manager: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: *smiles seductively* “I’m sure I could find some means of compensating you for such a nice favor.”

    (My manager stares at the woman for several seconds, then pulls out his wallet.)

    Manager: “Ma’am, I’d like you to have a look at this…”

    (The manager pulls out his ID that shows he’s been ordained.)

    Manager: “Now, I want you to look at this.”

    (He pulls out a picture of him with his wife, while holding up the hand his wedding ring is on.)

    Manager: “Now, I want you to take your cruddy silverware and leave before I call security.”

    Customer: *reels back* “Well, I never! I hope that b**** divorces your a** and takes everything you own, you f***!” *storms out*

    Acts Of God

    | Australia | Money, Religion

    (My job is to process insurance claims made for home and contents damages only. I make an out-bound call.)

    Me: “Good afternoon, this is [me] from [company] calling. Is [customer] available, please?”

    Customer: “Speaking.”

    Me: “Oh, good afternoon. I’m just calling in regards to the recent insurance claim made for your ‘outhouse.’ Do you have a few minutes?”

    Customer: “Certainly.”

    Me: “Okay, fantastic. We have received the report from [builder] regarding the damages to your ‘outhouse.’ In this report they have identified that the ‘outhouse’ in question is in fact a caravan and not an ‘outhouse.’ In light of this I’m calling to advise that it isn’t covered by your home insurance.”

    Customer: *clearly doesn’t understand this* “But I use it as an outhouse, it hasn’t moved in the last 34 years. I use it to help those in need for a shelter for an evening or two. I’m doing God’s work here. It’s an outhouse.”

    Me: “Ma’am, I understand that, and whilst I respect the use that you put it to, it doesn’t change the fact that it is in fact, a caravan. We won’t be able to provide coverage in this instance.”

    Customer: “But I’m doing God’s work! Do you hate God? Are you a heathen?!”

    Me: “No, ma’am, I do not hate God. I am not religious and whilst I respect that you are, religion has nothing to do with insurance. For your caravan to be covered in future by [company] you will need to purchase caravan insurance for it, but I must advise you that if you purchase this now, all pre-existing damage will not be covered.”

    Customer: “HEATHEN!” *click*

    Cult-ivating Ignorance

    | Hilliard, OH, USA | Bigotry, Religion

    (I managed a family-owned bookstore that caters to Mormons. We have people come in weekly to pick fights with us, and by this time I was use to being called about every name in the book.)

    Customer: “You have a lot of pictures of Jesus in here. Is this a Christian book store?”

    Me: “Yes, we cater to members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.”

    Customer: “Church of Christ you say? Cool, okay.” *wanders off*

    (About 10 minutes later he comes back, confused.)

    Customer: “Why do you have the Book of Mormon in your store?”

    Me: “It is one of our Holy books, along with the Bible.”

    Customer: “Is this a Mormon store?”

    Me: “Yes, the LDS Church is one of the branches of the Mormon religion.”

    Customer: “Aren’t you a cult?”

    Me: “No, were just another kind of Christian, like Catholics or Protestants but with our own beliefs that set us apart.”

    Customer: “No, you are a cult.”

    Me: “Cults generally follow one leader, and our leader is Jesus Christ. So, if you want to say following Jesus makes one in a cult then you may be right.”

    Customer: “You follow Jesus, you say? Is this the Jesus you follow in the pictures on the wall?” *points to an image of Christ overlooking Jerusalem*

    Me: “Yes.”

    Customer: “Well, you are a cult then. That Jesus looks too perfect.”

    Me: *confused* “We do believe that Jesus, as the Son of God, is perfectly perfect.”

    Customer: “No, that’s a lie. Jesus can’t be perfect. Only God is perfect.”

    Me: “Yes, and we believe that Jesus is God.”

    Customer: “Wait, you worship Jesus?”

    Me: “Um… yes.”

    Customer:Real Christians don’t worship Jesus. You are a cult!” *storms out*

    The Holy Twi-Light

    | Norfolk, VA, USA | Family & Kids, Religion

    (I am teaching a children’s Bible Study lesson on the sons of Isaac.)

    Me: “So the first twin’s name was Esau, which means hairy. And his brother came out holding onto his heel, and his parents named him Jacob.”

    Girl #1: “Like the werewolf in Twilight?”

    Girl #2: “Why did they name him Jacob? Does it mean ‘holding heels’ or something?”

    Me: “Uh… hold on.”

    (I go to the back of the room to look in the Bible, and see if it mentions why they chose the name Jacob.)

    Girl #1: “Jacob is like the name from Twilight!”

    Me: “Please don’t mention that book around me.”

    Girl #3: “Do you like Twilight, Miss [my name]?”

    Me: “No, I do not!”

    Girl #1: “Why not?”

    (I open my mouth to answer, but…)

    Boy: “Because it’s BAD!”

    Taking The Big Out Of Bigotry

    | Orange, NJ, USA | Bigotry, Religion, School, Top

    (I am female. My girlfriend picks up my teen niece from school and they meet me at my job everyday. On this day, my niece’s school has a “Pride Day”, so my niece is dressed in purple and has a rainbow-colored band around her upper arm. A customer has noticed.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, young lady. Are you gay?”

    My Niece: “No, ma’am. Why do you ask?”

    Customer: “Because your band says ‘gay’ on it.”

    My Niece: “Oh! It actually says ‘I support gays’. Today was Pride Day at my school. That’s also why my band is rainbow and I’m wearing so much purple.”

    Customer: *very loudly* “You will go to Hell for telling people to sin! You are encouraging people to disobey God!”

    My Niece: “To be honest, ma’am, I am an atheist. But my school’s principal is Christian and he announced the Pride Day.”

    Customer: “You will burn in Hell! How does your family feel about you disobeying God’s word?”

    My Niece: “Actually, my parents are okay with me being an atheist. Also, you see that lady over there who helped you?” *points to me* “She’s my aunt, and that woman there—” *points to my girlfriend* “—is her girlfriend, and they’ve been together for 14 years. They’re also Christians.”

    Customer: “Heathens! Filthy, devil-worshipping heathens is what you all are! You will have to face God one day!”

    (My niece has been smiling throughout this whole exchange, as if she’s completely unbothered by the customer’s comments.)

    My Niece: “Ma’am, correct me if I’m wrong, but don’t Christians believe that God loves all His children? And isn’t Christianity about ‘loving thy neighbor’? If that’s true, why are you such a closed-minded, air-headed bigot who tries to use religion as a weapon? I think you are just using being Christian as a mask for your hatred. Unless what I’ve just said is false, I don’t think you know what it means to be Christian.”

    (The customer was rendered speechless and stormed out the door, almost leaving her bags behind until my niece kindly reminded her.)

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