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    Category: Religion

    There’s nothing worse than a stupid customer than a stupid customer with a cause. If these people had a maker he would likely have filed them under ‘rejects’.

    Just Plain Batty

    | Colorado Springs, CO, USA | Bizarre, Family & Kids, Religion

    (My friend used to own a comic book in the local mall. I am a tall goth girl and am leaning against a book case reading a Japanese graphic novel.)

    Customer’s Young Son: *tries to reach for a comic on the top shelf*

    Me: “Here you go!” *hands him the comic* “Batman is my favorite super hero.”

    (The young boy’s father approaches.)

    Customer: “What they H*** do you think you’re doing talking to my son?! You’re trying to possess him with your evil!”

    Me: “I was handing him a book.”

    Customer: “Don’t lie to me! You were trying to convert him to worshipping the devil!”

    Owner: “Is there a problem?”

    Customer: “How dare you let devil worshippers hang around in your store?! She was trying to convert my son with this devil bat comic!”

    Owner: “She handed him the comic. That is all, sir.”

    Customer: “Don’t lie to me! You’re one of them aren’t you? You’re both in a cult together!” *to his son* “Son, we never go near these people again, do you hear me? I’ll tell everyone this store is evil!”

    Me: “Sir, I’m actually an atheist and am offended that you would make such blind accusations based on my appearance.”

    Customer: “Don’t tell me how to raise my son! God hates you!”

    Owner: “Sir, I would like you to get out of my store and never return.”

    Customer: “I can enter here if I want. It’s a free country, and you HAVE to serve me!”

    Owner: *calmly* “You’re right, it is a free country, and as the owner of this shop, I have the freedom to tell you to get the f*** out or I’ll call the police.”

    Customer: *grabs his son and leaves hastily*

    In The Beginning…

    | Pennsylvania, USA | Food & Drink, Religion

    (I work in the kosher section of our deli. I often get questions about what makes our food different from the things sold at other counters at the store.)

    Customer: “What’s a kosher chicken?”

    Me: “It’s a chicken that was raised, slaughtered, and prepared according to kosher rules.”

    Customer: “What’s kosher?”

    Me: “It’s Talmudic laws regarding food.”

    Customer: “What’s Talmudic?”

    Me: “It’s Jewish religious law.”

    Customer: “What’s Jewish?”

    Not A Fan Of Poly-gab-at-me

    | Utah, USA | Bigotry, Religion

    (I’m finishing up a tech support call. The conversation has been normal up until this point.)

    Customer: “Can I ask where you’re located? You’re not in India, are you?”

    Me: “No, we are not in India. We are located in Utah.”

    Customer: “Utah, huh? Can I ask you a personal question?”

    Me: “Well, I generally avoid discussing personal matters with people I don’t know.”

    Customer: “Okay, well, are you Mormon?”

    Me: “I am.”

    Customer: “How many wives do you have?”

    Me: “None.”

    Customer: “Okay, okay…but how many are you going to have?”

    Me: “One.”

    Customer: “Oh, come on, you’re Mormon! Shouldn’t you have like twenty?”

    Me: “Sir, it is a common misconception that Mormons have more than one wife, but we don’t. Is there any other technical issue I can help you with?”

    Customer: “I would become Mormon just so I could have a bunch of wives.”

    (In the background, I hear a woman yelling at the man I’m speaking with.)

    Customer: “Shut up, woman! I’m on the phone!”

    Me: “It doesn’t sound like you can handle the wife you already have. Why would you want more?”

    Customer: “Well, I wouldn’t want to talk to them!”

    The Costumer Is Always Right

    | California, USA | Bigotry, Bizarre, Religion

    (It’s a few days before Halloween, and I’m a customer waiting for my sister to pick out a Halloween costume at a popular party store. An elderly customer approaches me. Note: I am a goth, but also a Christian.)

    Customer: “Do you know where the boy’s birthday decorations are?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, I don’t work here. I wouldn’t know.”

    Customer: “But you’re with the store. You’re in a costume.”

    (I look around at the other employees, all of which are wearing bright green vests, name tags, and silly hats. Then, I realize she is referring to my black jacket and large black boots.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, I really don’t work here. These are my normal clothes. I’m a goth; I’m not in costume.”

    Customer: *visibly afraid* “Don’t put a curse on me! I know your type! You do that voodoo, and you hate Jesus!” *runs out of the store*

    Me: *speechless*

    Sudo-Religious

    | New Zealand | Religion, Technology

    (An older customer with a very old laptop approaches me.)

    Customer: “Can you help me? I upgraded to the new Windows 7 thing and it’s going really really slow. Do I have a virus?”

    Me: “I’ll take a look, but have you considered running Linux or moving back to Windows XP if you still have it? Your computer’s probably slow because it’s not new enough to handle the more intensive new operating systems.”

    Customer: “But Linux is made by atheists!”


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