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  • Had It Up To Their Neck With Bad Customers
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    Category: Religion

    There’s nothing worse than a stupid customer than a stupid customer with a cause. If these people had a maker he would likely have filed them under ‘rejects’.

    We Will We Will Praise You

    | Ohio, USA | Family & Kids, Religion

    (I volunteer at a daycare. The daycare is very Christian, so we have a Christian radio station playing at all time. A song the teacher likes comes on. Note that it is a very slow “Praise the Lord and His angels”-type song.)

    Teacher: “I like this song!”

    Little girl #1: “Me too! Mommy has it on all the time!”

    Teacher: “What about you, [Little girl #2]? Do you know this song?”

    Little Girl #2: “No, but I know ‘We Will Rock You.’”

    Teacher: “Um—”

    Me: “Close enough.”

    Shocking Mystery Solved

    | Phoenix, AZ, USA | Bizarre, Religion, Rude & Risque, Top

    (I work in the call center of a public library. Occasionally, we get strange callers just because it is free and we are required to talk to them.)

    Caller: “You need to help me! The Mormons are giving electric shocks to my genitals through my windows!”

    Me: “Um, this is a library, I’m not sure what—”

    Caller: “You have to help me! I called the police but they won’t help me. They say I’m crazy. It’s the Mormons! They keep shocking my genitals!”

    Me: “Well, uh, let me put you on hold for a second.”

    (I put her on hold and call out the situation to the other librarians in the call center. One of them happens to be Mormon.)

    Me: “I have a caller who claims Mormons are shocking her genitals through her windows.”

    Mormon coworker: “We are.”

    Introducing The Friends & Family & Deities Plan

    | British Columbia, Canada | Religion

    (Two older ladies come in. One asks about our Tibetan Prayer Flags, which are quite popular. I’m new and listening in on my coworker’s explanation.)

    Coworker: “Traditionally, it’s believed that as the wind blows, it carries your prayers into the universe.”

    Lady #1: “Oh, that sounds just lovely. I like the idea of being connected to the universe. I once went to this workshop where I sent some things into the universe. It was very rewarding.”

    Lady #2: *grumbles* “I don’t need no prayer flags. I have my own method of praying!”

    Coworker: “We have this size, as well as a few mini ones. I have one hanging from a tree in my yard that I pass every day.”

    Lady #1: “Yes, I definitely like these. It’s speaking to me.”

    Lady #2: *grumbles louder* “So? I have a direct connection to the Creator!”

    You’d Need Nine Mouths

    | Allentown, PA, USA | Holidays, Religion

    (A customer walking by pauses at the holiday clearance display, where I am standing.)

    Customer: “Is this a musical instrument?”

    Me: “No, that’s a menorah.”

    Customer: “A what?”

    Me: “A menorah. The candleholder used in the celebration of Hanukkah.”

    Customer: “Do you know how to play it?”

    Silence Is Holy

    | Florida, USA | Religion

    (I’m a volunteer usher at smaller church. This takes place before mass and there is a man praying in one of the pews. A woman is at the back of the church talking loudly in an outdoor voice.)

    Me: “Ma’am, could you please keep your voice down or talk outside?”

    Woman: “Why, I never! I am a member of this church! You have no right to speak to me this way!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but you are being too loud. There are people trying to pray.”

    Woman: “Who prays before church starts!?”

    (The pastor, hearing our conversation, walks over.)

    Pastor: “Good Catholics do. Now, please go outside.”

    Woman: “And who do you think you are?”

    Pastor: “The pastor.”

    Woman: *leaves in a huff*


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