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    Category: Religion

    There’s nothing worse than a stupid customer than a stupid customer with a cause. If these people had a maker he would likely have filed them under ‘rejects’.

    Of All The Reasons For A Cause To Give You Pause

    | Austin, TX, USA | Bigotry, Religion, Theme Of The Month

    (I work at a call center for a cancer charity. I generally speak to donors and volunteers that are very supportive of our mission.)

    Me: “Hello, my name is [name]. Thank you for calling—”

    Caller: “Are you a Muslim organization?”

    Me: “Uh, no we are not.”

    Caller: “Are you some kind of terrorist?”

    Me: “No, of course not.”

    Caller: “Well, I saw the bumper-sticker for your event, and it uses that d*** Muslim symbol with the moon and star.”

    Me: “Oh… I can see why you might misunderstand. There is some similarity between the Muslim star and crescent, and the logo we use for our fundraising events. See, the event is a relay that goes on for 24 hours. It has a sun, moon, and star to symbolize that the fight against cancer goes on, day and night.”

    Caller: “Where’d you get the idea for that!?”

    Me: “The… sky?”

    Caller: “I bet you have Muslims in your organization!”

    Me: “Well, we do not discriminate on the basis of creed or race, and we are quite a large organization. I assume we do have some Muslims.”

    Caller: “Well… you shouldn’t use that d*** Muslim symbol! You’re confusing people!”

    Discounted Hell To Pay

    | SLC, Utah, USA | Money, Musical Mayhem, Religion, Top

    (I work for a company that sells musical equipment. I am taking a call from an older gentleman who tells me that he is a priest. He has been very nice for the duration of the call, and we are almost finished placing his order.)

    Priest: “Now, could you give me 15% off on this? You would be doing the Lord’s work if you could get me 15% off my order!”

    Me: “Well, I don’t think I have a 15% off coupon, right now. I’ll check and see.”

    (I put him on hold, and check my available coupons. There is only a 10% coupon. I return to the customer with this.)

    Me: “So, I couldn’t get you 15% off. I do have a 10% coupon, though!”

    Priest: “Child, do you what to go to Hell?!”

    (I am taken aback.)

    Me: “I’m sorry?”

    Priest: “Hell, Child. If you don’t give me 15% off my order, your soul will rot in Hell for all eternity!”

    Me: “I’m a red-head, sir; I don’t have to worry about that. Now, is there anything else I can add to your order today?”

    Easter Bunny Goes North

    | NC, USA | Family & Kids, Religion

    (I’m working as an Easter Bunny at a local mall. A little girl walks in and stands in front of me. I wave to her.)

    Girl: “Hi, Easter Bunny.”

    (I wave again; Easter Bunnies don’t talk.)

    Girl’s Mom: “Be sure to tell him what you want him to bring you!”

    Girl: “Oh yeah!”

    (There’s a pause. I raise my arms like I’m shrugging.)

    Girl: “Um… I want you to be sure to bring me lots of toys for Christmas…”

    Judging A Book By Its Fabulous Cover

    | Nashville, TN, USA | Bigotry, Food & Drink, Religion, Top

    (I am standing in the waiting area near the hostess station. A man who is gay is requesting a table. A primly dressed woman walks in.)

    Woman: “Ugh, how horrid! You should be ashamed of yourself dressing like one of those sinful f***! People will get the wrong idea about you.”

    (The man keeps his calm like he’s used to this.)

    Man: “Actually, ma’am, it wouldn’t be a wrong idea as I am—in fact—gay.”

    Woman: “Have you no shame at all!? You sound proud of it! You should be more like this young man.”

    (She gestures to me.)

    Woman: “He obviously is a proper, god-fearing individual.”

    Me: “I’m honored. You really believe he should be like me?”

    Woman: “Of course, you obviously have your priorities straight.”

    (I walk over to the man and extended a hand for a handshake. He takes it.)

    Me: “Well, you heard her…”

    (I lean in and give him a quick peck on the lips.)

    Me: “Never change sweetie.”

    (The other three people in the waiting area break out laughing and the woman goes beet.)

    Woman: “Well, I never!…”

    (She stomps out. The man and I end up sharing a table for dinner. We’re now good friends and we laugh about that meeting a lot.)

    Over The Edge Of Reason

    | PA, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Religion, Theme Of The Month, Top

    (I work at a chain coffee shop. The building is on the side of a hill; directly behind the shop is a sheer drop off. Every Sunday morning, a woman comes in with same conversation.)

    Woman: “Why don’t you have a drive through? The coffee shop in every other town has a drive through!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but there’s no room around the back of the building for a drive through.”

    Woman: “This is ridiculous! If you weren’t the only place on the way to church to get coffee, I’d never stop here. The one day of the week I have to wear heels; I have to walk across the parking lot!”

    (One Sunday morning, there is a loud crash, and the building shakes. I run outside; the woman has rammed her car between the back of the building and the cliff side. The entire front of the car is hanging off of the edge. Her airbag has deployed and she seems dazed. She starts to open the door. I start yelling.)

    Me: “No! Climb out through the back!”

    (We eventually get her inside, and call the cops.)

    Woman: “I was trying to prove there’s enough room for them to have a drive through. I guess I was wrong!”

    (The company won for damages. A family whose home was hit by debris rolling down the hill sued her as well. Seemed like way more trouble in the end than just walking into a building for a latte!)


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