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    Category: Religion

    There’s nothing worse than a stupid customer than a stupid customer with a cause. If these people had a maker he would likely have filed them under ‘rejects’.

    Don’t Have Beef With Hinduism

    , | Kanpur, India | Food & Drink, Religion, Theme Of The Month, Top, Tourists/Travel

    (I’m on a trip to India, and decide to eat at a local McDonald’s. In front of me is a pair of American tourists.)

    Tourist #1: *in very bad Hindi* “Yes, I want a Big Mac.”

    Cashier: “Sir, I understand English, if you would be more comfortable. So you want a Chicken Maharaja Mac?”

    Tourist #2: “I thought you said you knew English? A Big Mac doesn’t have chicken, dumb-a**!”

    (Hoping to speed this along, I decide to get involved.)

    Me: “None of the McDonald’s in India offer beef. The local version of the Big Mac is made using grilled chicken patties instead. It’s actually pretty good.”

    Tourist #1: “Man, who the h*** doesn’t eat beef?”

    Me: “About one billion Hindus, most of them in India.”

    (They both quietly place their orders, all the time mumbling about ‘pandering to locals.’)

    Magic-Touch-Phone

    | Australia | Health & Body, Religion, Technology

    Customer: “I want to return this phone; it won’t turn on.”

    (I turn on the phone, and it works perfectly.)

    Me: “Hmm, seems to be turning on just fine.”

    Customer: “I’ve been doing that all yesterday, and it didn’t work! You must have magic hands or something.”

    Me: “That’s the only explanation I can think of. I should use my powers for good and go out and use my magic touch to heal things like leprosy.”

    Lady: *in all seriousness* “Oh no, I don’t have that.”

    Thou Shall Find Lovecraft Online, Ramen

    | Philadelphia, PA, USA | Books & Reading, Extra Stupid, Geeks Rule, Religion, Technology, Theme Of The Month

    (I’m a waitress in a popular buffet chain restaurant. I am serving a middle aged customer who is wearing a shirt that has a picture of Cthulhu and the Flying Spaghetti Monster in a heart. Beneath it is the caption ‘we met on the internet’.)

    Me: “That’s a great shirt!”

    Woman: “Thanks. I think it says a lot about the kind of people you find on the internet.”

    Me: “How do you mean?”

    Woman: “You know, how there’s nothing but monsters online.”

    To see the t-shirt design mentioned in this story, visit the NotAlwaysRomantic Extras section, which can be found here!

    Pushing Sales Has Pushed His Luck

    | Reston, VA, USA | Religion, Technology

    (I work in the computing department. We’re pushed to always get protection plans. I have sold a customer a laptop.)

    Me: “Well, just so you know, we do offer [protection plan]. If anything bad happens to the laptop—”

    Customer: “What? What do you mean by something bad?

    Me: “Unfortunately, bad things can happen to computers. There are hundreds of computers in the back that have been destroyed in many different ways. If you get a protection plan, you can get the computer replaced if something bad happens to it on accident.”

    Customer: “What are you talking about? Why are you wishing bad luck on me?”

    Me: “Sir, I wasn’t wishing bad luck on you. I was just offering you an avenue to make sure your investment is protected.”

    Customer: “You shouldn’t be threatening me with bad luck! You should wish me good luck. This is bad; this is very bad right here.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir. I’m not trying to wish you bad luck; I’m just recommending something that many of our customers—”

    Customer: “No, no! This is very bad. You’re wishing bad things to happen to me. I tell you what; I am going to go home, and pray to God that he does bad things to you!”

    They Taste A Bit Brimstoney

    | Roseburg, OR, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink, Religion

    Me: “Hello, ma’am, how can I help you today?”

    Customer: “I bought some shrimp the other day, and would like to return them.”

    Me: “Okay, what seems to be the problem?”

    Customer: “The shrimp’s souls are in Hell.”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “Well they are freezer burned, and since they are ‘burned’, that means that their little souls are in Hell. I just can’t eat anything that has been damned.”

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