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    Category: Religion

    There’s nothing worse than a stupid customer than a stupid customer with a cause. If these people had a maker he would likely have filed them under ‘rejects’.

    An Open And Shut Reason

    , | USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Religion

    (Our restaurant is open 24 hours a day, and only closes for two days every year. One day in the middle of summer, we unexpectedly close for the day and open the next morning.)

    Me: “Good morning, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “Well you can get me the [meal] that I couldn’t get yesterday morning because you guys were closed!”

    Me: “I’m sorry for the inconvenience, sir. Your total will be [total].”

    Customer: “Well I think I should get it for free since you guys were closed. I mean, what was so d*** important you had to close in the middle of summer? What about all the people who need coffee before work and need to buy lunch?”

    Me: “I can get the manager for you, but I highly doubt she will give you your meal for free.”

    (I call the manager over and the customer explains again why he thinks his food should be free.)

    Manager: “Sir, I know it was inconvenient for you and all our other customers, but the store was closed yesterday so we could attend a funeral for a beloved coworker that passed away two days ago. If you want compensation for the inconvenience you will have to take the matter up with God.”

    (The customer doesn’t bother paying and just leaves the store. Thankfully, the majority of our customers are much nicer about the whole ordeal.)

    Will Return In Three Days

    | IL, USA | Books & Reading, Religion

    (I am checking out a customer, who is is purchasing a Christian book.)

    Customer: “This is a gift for a good friend of mine!”

    Me: “Would you like a gift receipt?”

    Customer: “Nope. Can’t return Jesus!”

    What Would Jesus Discount?

    | IN, USA | Bad Behavior, Books & Reading, Money, Religion

    (I’m ringing up a customer at a store that specializes in Christian books and church resources. She has two coupons: one for 20% off everything, and one for 40% off a single item.)

    Me: “…and with the coupon, your total comes to $18.95.”

    Customer: “No, no, you didn’t use both my coupons. I have two here, see?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but I can’t use both of them on the same transaction. I used the 20% because it would save you more. You can hold on to the 40% to use another time.”

    Customer: “No! You have to use both!”

    Me: “Ma’am, it says that you can only use one coupon per item. The 20% covers everything in your order. It’s a better deal overall.”

    Customer: “Liar! It doesn’t say that anywhere! The manager at your other location lets me do this all the time!”

    Me: “No, he’s pretty strict about company policy. I’m positive he wouldn’t double up on coupons. Look here at the fine print: ‘Only one coupon per item.’”

    Customer: “You are a filthy liar trying to cheat me out of my hard-earned money! What is your name?”

    Me: “…my name, ma’am?”

    Customer: “I’m going to report you to corporate and you’re going to lose your job! What is your name?!”

    Me: “My name is [name], ma’am.”

    Customer: “[Name], got it. You’re going to be sorry!”

    (She snatches both her coupons away, and stomps toward the door. As she storms by the line of customers behind her, another customer pipes up.)

    Other Customer: “What a lovely Christian attitude you had talking to that cashier! That’s DEFINITELY what Jesus would have done!”

    (The angry customer goes beet red and flees. I never see her again, and no, she never called corporate to complain.)

    Don’t Have Beef With Hinduism

    , | Kanpur, India | Food & Drink, Religion, Theme Of The Month, Top, Tourists/Travel

    (I’m on a trip to India, and decide to eat at a local McDonald’s. In front of me is a pair of American tourists.)

    Tourist #1: *in very bad Hindi* “Yes, I want a Big Mac.”

    Cashier: “Sir, I understand English, if you would be more comfortable. So you want a Chicken Maharaja Mac?”

    Tourist #2: “I thought you said you knew English? A Big Mac doesn’t have chicken, dumb-a**!”

    (Hoping to speed this along, I decide to get involved.)

    Me: “None of the McDonald’s in India offer beef. The local version of the Big Mac is made using grilled chicken patties instead. It’s actually pretty good.”

    Tourist #1: “Man, who the h*** doesn’t eat beef?”

    Me: “About one billion Hindus, most of them in India.”

    (They both quietly place their orders, all the time mumbling about ‘pandering to locals.’)

    Magic-Touch-Phone

    | Australia | Health & Body, Religion, Technology

    Customer: “I want to return this phone; it won’t turn on.”

    (I turn on the phone, and it works perfectly.)

    Me: “Hmm, seems to be turning on just fine.”

    Customer: “I’ve been doing that all yesterday, and it didn’t work! You must have magic hands or something.”

    Me: “That’s the only explanation I can think of. I should use my powers for good and go out and use my magic touch to heal things like leprosy.”

    Lady: *in all seriousness* “Oh no, I don’t have that.”

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