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    Category: Religion

    There’s nothing worse than a stupid customer than a stupid customer with a cause. If these people had a maker he would likely have filed them under ‘rejects’.

    Cause For Pregnant Pause, Part 6

    | MO, USA | Bad Behavior, Health & Body, Religion

    (I’m not a thin woman, but never considered myself to be HUGE. I have polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS) and it makes it very hard to get my weight to go down, so I’m kind of touchy about it.)

    Customer #1: “Aw, when are you due?”

    Me: “I’m sorry. Were you just talking to me?”

    Customer #1: “Yes, when is your baby due?”

    Me: *quietly, so as not to embarrass either of us any further* “I’m not pregnant, miss; I’m just a little large.”

    Customer #1: *quite loudly* “What! That’s not a little large. You’re huge! You look like you could pop at any second!”

    Me: “Um, well, I’m sorry, but I’m not pregnant, and I’d appreciate it if you’d keep your comments to yourself.”

    Customer #1: “It is my duty by God to inform you that you are living an unhealthy lifestyle and gluttony will lead you straight to Hell. What do you weigh? 500lbs!?”

    Me: *now on the verge of tears, as EVERY customer is looking at us* “Ma’am, please keep your voice down. First off, no, I weigh 220lbs. I lead a very active lifestyle. I have a disease that makes it hard for me to lose weight. Please, you’re embarrassing me.”

    (Another customer, who has witnessed the conversation, approaches.)

    Customer #2: “Miss, you need to stop. I can clearly see your upsetting her.”

    Customer #1: “NO! She must learn the dangers of her ways. It’s not too late for her to repent and change. You get down on your knees right now and beg God for forgiveness and you’ll be saved.”

    (At this, she actually pulls a bible from her bag and starts waving it at me.)

    Me: “Ma’am, please just buy your items. You’re upsetting me. Please.”

    Customer #2: “Ma’am, I’m going to call the police if you do not stop this.”

    (I am now crying as the customer is reading furiously from one random passage of the bible almost screaming. She notices I have a bowl of candy on the table next to the register. She picks it up and flings it.)

    Customer #1: “You see! It’s these that cause that! Gluttony! You’ll burn if you don’t repent!”

    Me: “Those are for children! I don’t even like suckers!”

    Customer #2: *tries to take her by the arm and lead her from the store she smacks him in the head with her bible*

    Manager: *comes running from in the back* “What in the world is going on here!?”

    Customer #1: “You allow sinful, gluttonous employees here! She must repent or she’ll burn in Hell! It is my duty to make her see the evil of her ways!”

    (The customer now goes to the door and opens it and starts screaming this outside at everyone who walks by.)

    Manager: “Ma’am, I’ve called the police. You need to leave right now. You’ve upset my employee and injured a customer.”

    Customer #1: “He’s assisting the devil! He’ll burn with the harlot! You’ll all burn!”

    (She rants like this for 10 more minutes before the police arrive and arrest her. The man she hit with the bible had to have dental work done on his front teeth. She was charged with disturbing the peace, harassment, resisting arrest, and assault. She was sentenced to 90 days in jail and a $2,000 fine. My boss gave me a week off with pay.)

    Related:
    Cause For Pregnant Pause, Part 5
    Cause For Pregnant Pause, Part 4
    Cause For Pregnant Pause, Part 3
    Cause For Pregnant Pause, Part 2
    Cause For Pregnant Pause

    Missed The Magic Of The Magic Kingdom

    | Fayetteville, NC, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Movies & TV, Religion

    (A customer comes up to the till and hands me a bunch of DVDs. We have to up-sell, for obvious reasons.)

    Me: “I see you are getting a bunch of Disney movies. Did you know the newest Harry Potter just came out? We do have some copies on the shelf.”

    Customer: “I’m not even going to touch that anti-Christ movie! Any movie that delves into magic is Satan’s movies!”

    (I look down at the movies being rented and finish the transaction with no more chit-chatting.)

    Me: “Enjoy The Little Mermaid, and Beauty and the Beast! Have a nice day!”

    Lack of Register Does Not Register, Part 4

    | TX, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Religion

    Customer: *at my closed register* “Can you check me out?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. I’m closing this register. The next register is open, and my associate can check you out.”

    Customer: *sighs* “Her line is too long. I need you to do it. I’m in a hurry.”

    Me: “I can’t. As soon as I opened this register to count the till, it’s officially closed. I can’t do anything about it. You’ll have to go to the next register.”

    Customer: *glares at me and leaves her full buggy in front of me* “I’m going to pray against you tonight.”

    Coworker: “I bet she will, too.”

    Related:
    Lack of Register Does Not Register, Part 3
    Lack of Register Does Not Register, Part 2
    Lack of Register Does Not Register

    Pay It Forward, Driving Backwards

    , | FL, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Food & Drink, Religion, Top

    (I’m working the drive-through at my restaurant. A customer drives up.)

    Customer #1: “Can I have a small [soda], please?”

    Me: “That will be [amount]. Please pull forward.”

    (The customer pulls up to the window and I hand her the drink. She hands me cash to pay for it.)

    Customer #1: “Do you take personal checks?”

    Me: “Uh, yes, we do, but you’ve already paid in cash, ma’am.”

    Customer #1: “Yes. I want to pay for the next person in line, too.”

    Me: “You want to pay for the next person?”

    Customer #1: “My pastor challenged everyone at my church to perform an act of kindness this week. So I’ll just sign a blank check and you can write in how much the next person’s order costs. Is that okay?”

    Me: “Hang on. I should probably check with my manager.”

    (I explain the customer’s request to the manager, who looks a bit confused, but says we can do that.)

    Me: “The manager says it’s okay, ma’am.”

    Customer #1: “Great!”

    (She signs a blank check and hands it to me, along with a religious tract.)

    Customer #1: “Could you just let the next person know it’s all taken care of, and please give them that pamphlet, too?”

    Me: “Yes, I certainly will.”

    (She cheerfully drives away, saying ‘bless you.’ A few minutes later, the next customer comes through the drive-through.)

    Customer #2: “Yeah, can I get a [sandwich combo] with a large [soda]?”

    Me: “[Sandwich combo] with a large [soda]. Yes, sir. Please pull forward.”

    Customer #2: *pulling up to the window* “You didn’t tell me how much it was back there.”

    Me: “Well, you don’t have to worry about that, sir. The lady who came through the drive-through before you wrote out a check to take care of the next person’s order. She said she’d pay for it.”

    Customer #2: “What? You’re joking.”

    Me: “I swear.”

    Customer #2: “How could she know how much my order would be?”

    Me: “She left the amount line empty for me to fill in the cost of your order.”

    Customer #2: “Well, s***, son! In that case, give me TWO [sandwich combos], four [sandwiches], four [other sandwiches], another large fries, a 20-piece [chicken nuggets], an apple pie, and a $50 gift certificate!”

    Me: “Uh…”

    Customer #2: “It’s a blank check, right? So just write what I f****** asked for.”

    Me: “Hang on a minute.”

    (My manager has been listening over my shoulder. He gives me a resigned shrug and tells me to do it. With all the items the customer asked for, the total is over $100. As I hand the customer his huge order, I also hand him the religious tract the woman gave me.)

    Me: “She also asked me to give you this pamphlet, sir.”

    Customer #2: *looking at it for two seconds before tossing it into his back seat* “Hah! Joke’s on her! I’m already a Christian!”

    (I can still hear him laughing as he pulls away.)

    You Say Potato, I Say Catholic

    | NC, USA | Food & Drink, Religion

    (My grandmother and I are serving food at an outdoor event. I have cooked mashed potatoes.)

    Customer: “These potatoes are fantastic! I’ve had three servings.”

    Me: “Well, thank you!”

    Customer: “You must be from the First Baptist Church, because all of the best cooks are Baptist, you know.”

    Me: “Actually, I’m not.”

    Customer: “Oh, I guess you must be a Methodist then. Methodist women always did have a way with potatoes.”

    Me: “No, I’m actually a Catholic.”

    Customer: “Well, where the h*** did you come from?”


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