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  • Casting The First Stone Cold Glare
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    Category: Religion

    There’s nothing worse than a stupid customer than a stupid customer with a cause. If these people had a maker he would likely have filed them under ‘rejects’.

    Casting The First Stone Cold Glare

    | Anaheim, CA, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Bigotry, Religion

    (I am visiting two good Jewish friends. They are gay men and engaged. We’re at a coffee shop for breakfast.)

    Friend #1: *holding Friend #2′s hand* “Hey [Friend #2], what do you want?”

    Friend #2: “[Store Brand Drink], babe.”

    Customer #1: *spies them holding hands* “You should be ashamed of acting like that in public! There are children and God-fearing people in here! Couple of sick f**s…”

    Friend #1: “We’re not f**s. We’re gay. Last time I checked, we’re not cigarettes or bundles of twigs.”

    Customer #1: “You’re going to Hell for being a couple of sinners! You’re going to burn!”

    Friend #2: “So what are you drinking, [My Name]?”

    Me: “[Store Brand Drink], please!”

    Friend #2: *to Customer #1* “What about you, mister? What are you drinking?”

    Customer #1: *splutters* “I am not accepting charity from some dirty, sick homosexual!”

    Friend #1: “If your Jesus was brave enough to dine with prostitutes, the least you could do is accept our ‘charity.’”

    Customer #1: “F*** you!”

    Friend #1 & #2: *deadpan* “No, thanks. You’re not my type.”

    Customer #1: *screams* “This whole place is going to Hell!” *storms out*

    Customer #2: *starts clapping* “That… was… AWESOME! Please, let me pay for your order!”

    Me: “Nah, thanks. I’ll get it for them.”

    Manager: “No, you won’t. This order is on the house!”

    Doesn’t Work Its Magic On Some Customers

    | San Diego, CA, USA | Books & Reading, Geeks Rule, Religion

    (An adult shopping for her child picks up a book from the ‘Magic: The Gathering franchise’.)

    Me: “Oh, that’s a great one, especially if you play the card game.”

    Patron: *looking at the cover* “This art is really cool. What’s it about?”

    Me: “That one is about a couple of mages who are working on a inter-dimensional teleporter, and some of the politics surrounding the mage’s school they work at.”

    Patron: “Is it… you know… violent?”

    Me: “A bit. Nothing you won’t see in any modern action movie though. I’d rate it PG.”

    Patron: “Oh, awesome. I’ll take the whole series.”

    (We have 20 books in the franchise.)

    Me: “Great! So, is your kid into fantasy and magic and such? We have lots of—”

    Patron: *gasps* “MAGIC?!”

    Me: “… Yeah?”

    Patron: “You mean… like WITCHCRAFT?!” *crosses herself and runs out*

    Our Great DiscrimiNation, Part 3

    | Panama Beach, FL, USA | Bad Behavior, Bigotry, Religion

    (I’m currently stocking food in the aisle, stacking some ramen noodles on the cart. I’m a born American of Islamic parents. I’m also Catholic. A customer approaches me with a security guard.)

    Customer: “See! He’s putting up square packages. They’re bombs! He’s going to blow up this store and kill us all to appease Muhammad!”

    (The guard looks at her like she’s an idiot.)

    Guard: “Ma’am, I hardly think that just because he’s doing his job he’s goin—”

    Customer: “No, his kind are all evil! The Lord is my shepherd and his is false!”

    (I’ve been trying to ignore her but finally get fed up. I stand up and walk over towards her, crossing my arms.)

    Me: “Being born of an Islamic family does not make me a member of the Islamic faith nor any more likely to inflict violence than anyone else with a proper upbringing. Furthermore, I’m Catholic so your bigoted claims that I’m doing something malicious in the process of doing my job are completely irrelevant and unfounded. Furthermore, by trying to use your religion as a cover for your irrational hatred of those who are different on you, I have no doubts that the Holiest is looking down on you right now with sorrow and contempt, and preparing you a special place in Hell for using his word to justify your hatred.”

    (The customer tries to sputter out a response but it’s clear she can’t find the words. I watch as her face turns red like she’s about to throw a tantrum, but she just stomps off instead, leaving me and the security guard standing there. I’m calming down and realize I shouted pretty much all of that, and there are people staring at me.)

    Me: “Well, that came out of nowhere.”

    Guard: “Dude, that was awesome! You shut her down cold.”

    (The customers who had walked over to see the commotion applauded me and defended me when my manager came to write me up for telling off a customer. I found out the next week that the woman had to be arrested after she made similar racist and untrue claims about a Japanese exchange student that was working in the deli, and threatened violence on him.)

    Related:
    Our Great DiscrimiNation, Part 2
    Our Great DiscrimiNation

    Political Correctness Takes A Holiday

    | NY, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Holidays, Religion, Top

    (I am the third customer in line. There’s a woman at the register, then a man dressed in a way that clearly indicates he is a Christian minister. It’s two days before Thanksgiving.)

    Cashier: “Thank you and I hope you have a great holiday.”

    Customer: “A great holiday? What the f***! It’s Merry CHRISTMAS. I am so tired of this PC bull-s***, you stupid little—”

    Minister: “Maybe she was talking about Thanksgiving.”

    (The customer turns around snarling.)

    Customer: “Shut the fu… uu…”

    (She trails off when she notices his outfit. She blushes furiously, gathers her bags, and rushes out. The minister steps up.)

    Minister: “Which candy bar is better, the plain chocolate or the almond?”

    Cashier: “The almond is good!”

    (The minister adds that to his purchases. After he pays, he hands the cashier the candy bar.)

    Minister: “I hope you have a fantastic holiday.”

    Using The Lord’s Name Doesn’t Deliver

    | CA, USA | Hotels & Lodging, Religion, Top

    (A former guest calls on phone.)

    Guest: “Hello. My son’s basketball team stayed there yesterday and apparently my son left his sneakers and all of his clothes in the room.”

    Agent: “Ah, yes. I see a bag here the housekeepers dropped off. You will need to contact a next day mail service, have them send us a pre-paid shipping box, and we will have them sent to you.”

    Guest: “WHAT!? I HAVE TO PAY FOR THAT!? You should just sent them to me! Everywhere I’ve ever stayed at before sent things to me I that left behind! This is outrageous!”

    Agent: “I’m sorry, ma’am. This is our hotel’s policy.”

    (The guest slams down phone, but calls back five minutes later.)

    Guest: “I’m sorry I got so upset. You see, I am a Christian missionary on a charity mission and I have very little disposable funds. Please call your boss and kindly ask him to pay for the shipping and tell him to consider it an act of charity. Thankyougodblessyoujesuspleaseplease.”

    (I call the hotel owner, the most frugal man I have ever met and a devout Hindu.)

    Owner: “Call her back tell her we will be very happy to drop her son’s clothes off at a nearby homeless shelter and she and Jesus can feel very good about the clothes being given to people more needy than herself. A wonderful act of charity on her part.”

    (I tell the guest:)

    Guest: “I’ll send the box…”


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