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Contact Form Pushing Sales Has Pushed His Luck
(I work in the computing department. We’re pushed to always get protection plans. I have sold a customer a laptop.)
Me: “Well, just so you know, we do offer [protection plan]. If anything bad happens to the laptop—”
Customer: “What? What do you mean by something bad?
Me: “Unfortunately, bad things can happen to computers. There are hundreds of computers in the back that have been destroyed in many different ways. If you get a protection plan, you can get the computer replaced if something bad happens to it on accident.”
Customer: “What are you talking about? Why are you wishing bad luck on me?”
Me: “Sir, I wasn’t wishing bad luck on you. I was just offering you an avenue to make sure your investment is protected.”
Customer: “You shouldn’t be threatening me with bad luck! You should wish me good luck. This is bad; this is very bad right here.”
Me: “I’m sorry, sir. I’m not trying to wish you bad luck; I’m just recommending something that many of our customers—”
Customer: “No, no! This is very bad. You’re wishing bad things to happen to me. I tell you what; I am going to go home, and pray to God that he does bad things to you!”
(969 Thumbs Up!)They Taste A Bit Brimstoney
Me: “Hello, ma’am, how can I help you today?”
Customer: “I bought some shrimp the other day, and would like to return them.”
Me: “Okay, what seems to be the problem?”
Customer: “The shrimp’s souls are in Hell.”
Me: “Excuse me?”
Customer: “Well they are freezer burned, and since they are ‘burned’, that means that their little souls are in Hell. I just can’t eat anything that has been damned.”
(1,296 Thumbs Up!)Separation Of Church And Irate
(A group of women have a weekly Bible study at our coffee shop. I am waiting on a young man in line.)
Customer: “You need to do something about those women over there. They can’t have a Bible study in a place like this.”
Me: “Yes they can. They come here every week, order coffee and pastries, and don’t disturb anyone.”
Customer: “Well, they are offending me! They shouldn’t be here!”
(The customer starts yelling.)
Customer: “SEPARATION OF CHURCH AND STATE!”
Me: “Sir, please keep your voice down.”
Customer: “I demand to see your manager!”
(I get my manager, who has been observing this situation from the back room.)
Customer: “A coffee shop is no place for a Bible study. This is offensive!”
Manager: “These women have been meeting here for over five years. They have never caused any problem to anyone. Now give your order to the barista, and then leave.”
(The customer orders, and as he is leaving, walks by the women and knocks a Bible onto the floor. She picks it up, puts it back on the table and heads over to the counter. She thanks me and my manager for sticking up for them, and puts a $20 in the tip jar!)
(1,717 Thumbs Up!)Of All The Reasons For A Cause To Give You Pause
(I work at a call center for a cancer charity. I generally speak to donors and volunteers that are very supportive of our mission.)
Me: “Hello, my name is [name]. Thank you for calling—”
Caller: “Are you a Muslim organization?”
Me: “Uh, no we are not.”
Caller: “Are you some kind of terrorist?”
Me: “No, of course not.”
Caller: “Well, I saw the bumper-sticker for your event, and it uses that d*** Muslim symbol with the moon and star.”
Me: “Oh… I can see why you might misunderstand. There is some similarity between the Muslim star and crescent, and the logo we use for our fundraising events. See, the event is a relay that goes on for 24 hours. It has a sun, moon, and star to symbolize that the fight against cancer goes on, day and night.”
Caller: “Where’d you get the idea for that!?”
Me: “The… sky?”
Caller: “I bet you have Muslims in your organization!”
Me: “Well, we do not discriminate on the basis of creed or race, and we are quite a large organization. I assume we do have some Muslims.”
Caller: “Well… you shouldn’t use that d*** Muslim symbol! You’re confusing people!”
(1,237 Thumbs Up!)Discounted Hell To Pay
(I work for a company that sells musical equipment. I am taking a call from an older gentleman who tells me that he is a priest. He has been very nice for the duration of the call, and we are almost finished placing his order.)
Priest: “Now, could you give me 15% off on this? You would be doing the Lord’s work if you could get me 15% off my order!”
Me: “Well, I don’t think I have a 15% off coupon, right now. I’ll check and see.”
(I put him on hold, and check my available coupons. There is only a 10% coupon. I return to the customer with this.)
Me: “So, I couldn’t get you 15% off. I do have a 10% coupon, though!”
Priest: “Child, do you what to go to Hell?!”
(I am taken aback.)
Me: “I’m sorry?”
Priest: “Hell, Child. If you don’t give me 15% off my order, your soul will rot in Hell for all eternity!”
Me: “I’m a red-head, sir; I don’t have to worry about that. Now, is there anything else I can add to your order today?”
(2,498 Thumbs Up!)
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