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  • Category: Politics

    Like a little more satirical meat on your humor sandwich? Ever wonder what very stupid customers view as topical? Even worse, see what happens when these people decide they want to vote! Don’t blame the state of the world on the government, blame it on them!

    Obama Is On A Roll

    | VA, USA | Food & Drink, Politics, Top

    Me: “May I offer you a basket of bread?”

    Customer: “Yeah, do you think I can have a basket of just the rolls?”

    Me: “Absolutely! I’ll be right back—”

    Customer: “You know I bet 99.9% of people who walk in here only want the rolls. Am I right? Why do you even bother carrying the other bread?”

    Me: “Well, sir, actually a lot of people like the other bread. Some people even request baskets with no rolls!”

    (The customer is all of a sudden very worked up.)

    Customer: “Well, I bet those people are people who voted for Obama!”

    Me: “I really wouldn’t know, sir.”

    Customer: “Well you could probably just tell by looking at them!”

    Me: “Sir, I really have no idea what people’s political leanings are based on their bread preferences.”

    Customer: “Whatever…”

    Separation Of Church And Irate

    | CA, USA | Bigotry, Politics, Religion, Theme Of The Month

    (A group of women have a weekly Bible study at our coffee shop. I am waiting on a young man in line.)

    Customer: “You need to do something about those women over there. They can’t have a Bible study in a place like this.”

    Me: “Yes they can. They come here every week, order coffee and pastries, and don’t disturb anyone.”

    Customer: “Well, they are offending me! They shouldn’t be here!”

    (The customer starts yelling.)

    Customer: “SEPARATION OF CHURCH AND STATE!”

    Me: “Sir, please keep your voice down.”

    Customer: “I demand to see your manager!”

    (I get my manager, who has been observing this situation from the back room.)

    Customer: “A coffee shop is no place for a Bible study. This is offensive!”

    Manager: “These women have been meeting here for over five years. They have never caused any problem to anyone. Now give your order to the barista, and then leave.”

    (The customer orders, and as he is leaving, walks by the women and knocks a Bible onto the floor. She picks it up, puts it back on the table and heads over to the counter. She thanks me and my manager for sticking up for them, and puts a $20 in the tip jar!)

    Needs To Work On His Socialist Skills, Part 2

    | Rosemont, IL, USA | Geography, History, Politics

    (I am Swedish, and visiting friends in the US. I see a bag with some peanut butter and chocolate dipped pretzels.)

    Me: “Really?”

    (I show the bag to my friends.)

    Friend #1: “You don’t have that in Europe?”

    Me: “Nope, and I’m glad we don’t. You Americans are silly.”

    (We laugh a bit together, when suddenly an older man comes up.)

    Old Man: “You f****** communist! You think you can come here and demean us!?”

    Me: “Excuse me? I was ju—”

    Old Man: “Shut up, d*** Russian! Go back to Siberia, and pray to Stalin!”

    Friend #1: “Umm… he’s actually Swedish.”

    Old Man: “Are you a f****** commie too?”

    Friend #2: “None of us are! And frankly, we’ve had quite enough of your bull-s***, so p*** off.”

    Old Man: “Whatever, we still won the cold war!”

    (We just leave. Later on by the cash register, we see the same old man about to pay for his things. When he spots us, he points his finger towards us and shouts.)

    Old Man: “Watch out for the commie b*******!”

    Related:
    Needs To Work On His Socialist Skills

    Abusing Democracy

    | FL, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Geography, Politics

    (It is the evening of July 3rd.)

    Customer: “Can you show me where you keep your American flags?”

    Me: “Down the holiday aisle, at the back.”

    (A few moments later, we hear her screaming. My manager runs back to find out what is happening. She is screaming so loud that we can hear every word.)

    Manager: “What’s wrong, ma’am?”

    Customer: “What’s wrong with you people!?”

    (She holds up the American flag box, and points at the ‘Made in China’ stamp on the bottom.)

    Manager: “I don’t see the problem, ma’am.”

    Customer: “How dare you people try to sell an American flag that was made in China!”

    Manager: “Ma’am, only the box was made in China.”

    Customer: “Don’t you try to pull that on me! I can clearly see the stamp that says this flag was made in China!”

    Manager: “It says the flag was made in the USA right here on the front of the box, ma’am.”

    Customer: “You’re lying to me again! I can’t believe how stupid you people are!”

    (She storms off. My manager and I have a little laugh, and then we get back to work. About half an hour later, two policemen come in and ask for my manager.)

    Manager: “How can I help you, officers?”

    Cop #1: “We got a call about an attempted homicide in this store.”

    Manager: “Really? This is the first I’ve heard of it. What happened?”

    Cop #2: “The lady that called 911 said that the people at this store, and were trying to kill her with their dropping prices.”

    (It’s clear by this point the cops are stifling a laugh, and are making light of the customer’s ridiculous call.)

    Cop #1: “Would you know anything about that?”

    Manager: “No, sir, as far as I know, we don’t drop our prices unless we’re sure they won’t land on anyone!”

    Snob-less Not Jobless

    | Austin, TX, USA | Family & Kids, Politics, School, Top

    (I’ve just taken an order from a well-dressed woman and her daughter, who is wearing a uniform from a private school. The woman is berating her daughter about her grades.)

    Woman: “If your grades don’t improve, you won’t get into college. You’ll end up in some dead-end job like her.”

    (The woman gestures towards me.)

    Me: “Actually, I’m a college graduate.”

    Woman: “Yes, well I mean a real college.”

    Me: “I graduated from the University of Texas with two degrees, and my teacher’s certification.”

    Woman: “You evidently didn’t do too well if you wound up here now, did you?”

    Me: “I wound up here after our state legislature cut funding for public education. My husband also holds a Master’s in engineering, but has been laid off for similar reasons. We’ve taken these jobs to survive so we wouldn’t have to depend on public assistance.”

    (I hand them their drinks.)

    Me: “Never judge a book by its cover.”

    (The woman goes over to the condiment bar without another word, but her daughter smiles and fist-bumps me.)

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