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    Category: Politics

    Like a little more satirical meat on your humor sandwich? Ever wonder what very stupid customers view as topical? Even worse, see what happens when these people decide they want to vote! Don’t blame the state of the world on the government, blame it on them!

    Abusing Democracy

    | FL, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Geography, Politics

    (It is the evening of July 3rd.)

    Customer: “Can you show me where you keep your American flags?”

    Me: “Down the holiday aisle, at the back.”

    (A few moments later, we hear her screaming. My manager runs back to find out what is happening. She is screaming so loud that we can hear every word.)

    Manager: “What’s wrong, ma’am?”

    Customer: “What’s wrong with you people!?”

    (She holds up the American flag box, and points at the ‘Made in China’ stamp on the bottom.)

    Manager: “I don’t see the problem, ma’am.”

    Customer: “How dare you people try to sell an American flag that was made in China!”

    Manager: “Ma’am, only the box was made in China.”

    Customer: “Don’t you try to pull that on me! I can clearly see the stamp that says this flag was made in China!”

    Manager: “It says the flag was made in the USA right here on the front of the box, ma’am.”

    Customer: “You’re lying to me again! I can’t believe how stupid you people are!”

    (She storms off. My manager and I have a little laugh, and then we get back to work. About half an hour later, two policemen come in and ask for my manager.)

    Manager: “How can I help you, officers?”

    Cop #1: “We got a call about an attempted homicide in this store.”

    Manager: “Really? This is the first I’ve heard of it. What happened?”

    Cop #2: “The lady that called 911 said that the people at this store, and were trying to kill her with their dropping prices.”

    (It’s clear by this point the cops are stifling a laugh, and are making light of the customer’s ridiculous call.)

    Cop #1: “Would you know anything about that?”

    Manager: “No, sir, as far as I know, we don’t drop our prices unless we’re sure they won’t land on anyone!”

    Snob-less Not Jobless

    | Austin, TX, USA | Family & Kids, Politics, School, Top

    (I’ve just taken an order from a well-dressed woman and her daughter, who is wearing a uniform from a private school. The woman is berating her daughter about her grades.)

    Woman: “If your grades don’t improve, you won’t get into college. You’ll end up in some dead-end job like her.”

    (The woman gestures towards me.)

    Me: “Actually, I’m a college graduate.”

    Woman: “Yes, well I mean a real college.”

    Me: “I graduated from the University of Texas with two degrees, and my teacher’s certification.”

    Woman: “You evidently didn’t do too well if you wound up here now, did you?”

    Me: “I wound up here after our state legislature cut funding for public education. My husband also holds a Master’s in engineering, but has been laid off for similar reasons. We’ve taken these jobs to survive so we wouldn’t have to depend on public assistance.”

    (I hand them their drinks.)

    Me: “Never judge a book by its cover.”

    (The woman goes over to the condiment bar without another word, but her daughter smiles and fist-bumps me.)

    He’s Got Your Barack

    | Monterey, CA, USA | Politics

    (Just after the election in 2008, we sell out of Obama’s two books, as well as most books portraying him well. In order to sell more of the other candidates’ books, we put them out on a display with lower sales prices. A young man approaches.)

    Customer: “Dude, what’s with the Anti-Obama section?”

    Me: “What?”

    Customer: “Yeah, what do you guys have against Obama? Seriously?”

    Me: *noticing what he’s pointing at* “Oh. We’re sold out of his books, and we need to get rid of a few of these.”

    (Our city is overwhelmingly liberal, so we have a hard enough time selling these books as it is.)

    Customer: “Why do you even have this trash anyway?”

    Me: “It’s got nothing to do with politics. We just would rather sell these books than toss them out. If you need me, I’ll be shelving.”

    Customer: *to his friend as they walk away* “God, Obama just gets no respect.”

    Weeding Through The Voters

    | USA | Politics

    (I am phone-banking Colorado voters, encouraging them to support the Amendment 64 initiative to legalize marijuana in the state.)

    Me: “Hello. I’m calling with the Campaign to Regulate Marijuana like Alcohol. In November, you will have the chance to vote—”

    Voter: “Why should we only regulate marijuana like alcohol during November? I think we should do it the whole year!”

    Some Customers Scare The Help Out Of Us

    | Chicago, IL, USA | At The Checkout, Politics

    (I serve people their orders when they’re ready. If they’re old, a child, or otherwise seemingly unable to carry their tray, I’m required to offer assistance. On this day, an elderly man orders his food.)

    Me: “Do you need any help carrying that?”

    Elderly Customer: “Do I LOOK like I need help?!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir. I’m required to offer help to people.”

    Elderly Customer: “Is this something that Obama is making you do?! D*** socialist!”

    Me: “N-no, sir… it’s the policy here.”

    Elderly Customer: “Well, I don’t need no d*** assistance!” *storms off with food*

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