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  • Had It Up To Their Neck With Bad Customers
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    Category: Politics

    Like a little more satirical meat on your humor sandwich? Ever wonder what very stupid customers view as topical? Even worse, see what happens when these people decide they want to vote! Don’t blame the state of the world on the government, blame it on them!

    Weeding Through The Voters

    | USA | Politics

    (I am phone-banking Colorado voters, encouraging them to support the Amendment 64 initiative to legalize marijuana in the state.)

    Me: “Hello. I’m calling with the Campaign to Regulate Marijuana like Alcohol. In November, you will have the chance to vote—”

    Voter: “Why should we only regulate marijuana like alcohol during November? I think we should do it the whole year!”

    Some Customers Scare The Help Out Of Us

    | Chicago, IL, USA | At The Checkout, Politics

    (I serve people their orders when they’re ready. If they’re old, a child, or otherwise seemingly unable to carry their tray, I’m required to offer assistance. On this day, an elderly man orders his food.)

    Me: “Do you need any help carrying that?”

    Elderly Customer: “Do I LOOK like I need help?!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir. I’m required to offer help to people.”

    Elderly Customer: “Is this something that Obama is making you do?! D*** socialist!”

    Me: “N-no, sir… it’s the policy here.”

    Elderly Customer: “Well, I don’t need no d*** assistance!” *storms off with food*

    That’s One Vote For President Paranoia

    | Finland | Bizarre, Politics

    (I work as an election official at an early voting polling station in Finland. Early voting slips have to be sent to the voters’ own electoral districts before counting them. This means they are enclosed first into one envelope to ensure anonymity, which is then enclosed into yet another envelope with the address of the voter’s district on it. I am processing a lady voter’s slip.)

    Me: “Okay. Now that everything is stamped and signed, we just have to enclose your voting slip into these two envelopes, and then we’ll be good as done.”

    Voter: “What?! You can’t talk about the candidates here. This is supposed to be a neutral situation!”

    Me: “I beg your pardon?”

    Voter: “Don’t you know that it’s illegal to try to influence voters at the polling station? How can you not know that if you work here?”

    Me: *confused*

    Voter: “This is just unprofessional, you talking about the candidates’ numbers. I demand you discuss this with your coworkers at the end of the day!”

    (The voter leaves, looking quite appalled. We did discuss the episode at the end of the day and onto the next day. The only conclusion we can arrive at is that the phrase “two envelopes” is clearly propaganda for candidate number 2!)

    The Lesser Of Two Musical Evils

    | Norwich, Norfolk, UK | Politics

    Customer: “Can you help me? It’s my daughter’s birthday and she said she wanted a CD by some band. I can’t remember the name. I have it written down here.”

    (She produces a piece of paper. On it is written the name of a popular German rock band. Note that most of this band’s songs are in German, so most of the writing on their CDs is too.)

    Me: “Oh, good choice. They’re a great band. We have several of their CDs right over here.”

    Customer: “Hold on. All this writing is in another language!”

    Me: “Yes, madam, it’s German.”

    Customer: “*horrified* “Oh, God! Not this again! This is that Nazi band she’s been listening to! I thought we’d got her out of that phase!”

    Me: “Madam, I can assure you this band is not a Nazi band.”

    Customer: “But they’re German!”

    Me: “Madam, I happen to be a fan of this particular band myself. I can assure you they are not Nazis. One of their songs is even about how they are politically left-wing.”

    Customer: *aghast* “Socialists?!”

    A Liberal In The Hand Is Worth Two In The Bush

    | Mountain View, CA, USA | Politics

    (While I’m working, a woman comes up to rent a liberal leaning movie. In an attempt to make small talk, I mention that I’m not that into politics, but I really enjoy watching Rachel Maddow’s show on MSNBC.)

    Customer: “Who is that?”

    Me: “She’s a liberal newscaster.”

    Customer: “Oh…well, I’d have to watch 2 hours of Fox just to make up for watching that! I don’t want to get unbalanced!”


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