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  • Talking At-At Cross Purposes
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    Category: Politics

    Like a little more satirical meat on your humor sandwich? Ever wonder what very stupid customers view as topical? Even worse, see what happens when these people decide they want to vote! Don’t blame the state of the world on the government, blame it on them!

    Obama-Careless

    | Houston, TX, USA | Crazy Requests, Liars & Scammers, Money, Politics, Theme Of The Month

    (We have a very strict policy: there are only discounts on things that are marked as such by a corporate mandate, and that’s it. I’m the only register open.)

    Customer: “Hi there, I noticed this lamp has some markings on it; does it get some sort of damage discount?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir; everything is priced as marked. It’s not something I or even the manager can change.”

    Customer: “Really? That’s lousy, but okay.”

    (The customer leaves, and comes back with a new lamp.)

    Customer: “I’ve got a question for you. Is it alright if I use your employee discount?”

    Me: “…I’m sorry, sir; I’m not allowed to use my discount while I’m on duty.”

    Customer: “What if I told you I’m related to Barack Obama? Would you give me a discount then?”

    Me: “No, you would still have to pay full price.”

    Customer: “You’re telling me the President of these United States of America can’t even get a discount?!”

    Me: “I’m afraid [store] views everyone as equals, so no.”

    Political (Weather) Front

    | The Netherlands | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Politics

    (A customer has just bought a paper, and since it’s a quiet day, I make some small talk with him. It is currently very bad weather for the time of the year. It’s cold and very windy.)

    Me: “So, did you make it through the storm?”

    Customer: “Well, I survived, but it’s so cold!”

    Me: “Yeah, I—”

    Customer: “I think it’s a conspiracy from the European Union.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, how?”

    Customer: “The EU is making the weather extra cold, so we use more gas for the heater, and we have higher gas bills.”

    Me: “Well, I’m sure the EU doesn’t have the technology to control the weather.”

    Customer: “You never know with the EU!”

    Me: “But controlling the weather—”

    Customer: “You know how they are! For example, now with all the fuss about Cyprus. All they did was spend the same amount of money as Germany, but Germany is fine, and Cyprus is in a crisis!”

    Me: “But Germany is a lot bigger than Cyprus.”

    Customer: “Yeah, they sure are!”

    Me: “Have a nice day, sir.”

    Obama Is On A Roll

    | VA, USA | Food & Drink, Politics, Top

    Me: “May I offer you a basket of bread?”

    Customer: “Yeah, do you think I can have a basket of just the rolls?”

    Me: “Absolutely! I’ll be right back—”

    Customer: “You know I bet 99.9% of people who walk in here only want the rolls. Am I right? Why do you even bother carrying the other bread?”

    Me: “Well, sir, actually a lot of people like the other bread. Some people even request baskets with no rolls!”

    (The customer is all of a sudden very worked up.)

    Customer: “Well, I bet those people are people who voted for Obama!”

    Me: “I really wouldn’t know, sir.”

    Customer: “Well you could probably just tell by looking at them!”

    Me: “Sir, I really have no idea what people’s political leanings are based on their bread preferences.”

    Customer: “Whatever…”

    Separation Of Church And Irate

    | CA, USA | Bigotry, Politics, Religion, Theme Of The Month

    (A group of women have a weekly Bible study at our coffee shop. I am waiting on a young man in line.)

    Customer: “You need to do something about those women over there. They can’t have a Bible study in a place like this.”

    Me: “Yes they can. They come here every week, order coffee and pastries, and don’t disturb anyone.”

    Customer: “Well, they are offending me! They shouldn’t be here!”

    (The customer starts yelling.)

    Customer: “SEPARATION OF CHURCH AND STATE!”

    Me: “Sir, please keep your voice down.”

    Customer: “I demand to see your manager!”

    (I get my manager, who has been observing this situation from the back room.)

    Customer: “A coffee shop is no place for a Bible study. This is offensive!”

    Manager: “These women have been meeting here for over five years. They have never caused any problem to anyone. Now give your order to the barista, and then leave.”

    (The customer orders, and as he is leaving, walks by the women and knocks a Bible onto the floor. She picks it up, puts it back on the table and heads over to the counter. She thanks me and my manager for sticking up for them, and puts a $20 in the tip jar!)

    Needs To Work On His Socialist Skills, Part 2

    | Rosemont, IL, USA | Geography, History, Politics

    (I am Swedish, and visiting friends in the US. I see a bag with some peanut butter and chocolate dipped pretzels.)

    Me: “Really?”

    (I show the bag to my friends.)

    Friend #1: “You don’t have that in Europe?”

    Me: “Nope, and I’m glad we don’t. You Americans are silly.”

    (We laugh a bit together, when suddenly an older man comes up.)

    Old Man: “You f****** communist! You think you can come here and demean us!?”

    Me: “Excuse me? I was ju—”

    Old Man: “Shut up, d*** Russian! Go back to Siberia, and pray to Stalin!”

    Friend #1: “Umm… he’s actually Swedish.”

    Old Man: “Are you a f****** commie too?”

    Friend #2: “None of us are! And frankly, we’ve had quite enough of your bull-s***, so p*** off.”

    Old Man: “Whatever, we still won the cold war!”

    (We just leave. Later on by the cash register, we see the same old man about to pay for his things. When he spots us, he points his finger towards us and shouts.)

    Old Man: “Watch out for the commie b*******!”

    Related:
    Needs To Work On His Socialist Skills

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