Not Always Right on Facebook Not Always Right on Twitter Not Always Right Unfiltered on Tumblr
Featured Story:
  • Bagged Himself A Steal
    (2,237 thumbs up)
  • August Theme Of The Month: We Are Closed!
    Submit your story today!

    Category: Politics

    Like a little more satirical meat on your humor sandwich? Ever wonder what very stupid customers view as topical? Even worse, see what happens when these people decide they want to vote! Don’t blame the state of the world on the government, blame it on them!

    Electing Key Information

    , | Tempe, AZ, USA | Extra Stupid, Politics

    (I’m volunteering to make phone calls on Election Day for a political campaign.)

    Me: “Hello. This is [My Name) with [Campaign]. I’m calling to make sure—”

    Voter: “Why the h*** do you call people like this?! I’m sick of it.”

    Me: “Well, I’m sorry, sir. I just want to—”

    Voter: “Seriously, don’t you think people are smart enough to do their own research? Everyone knows there is an election going on! There is no reason to bother people like this!”

    Me: “Again, I’m sorry to bother you, sir. I just wanted to make sure you had a chance to vote today.”

    Voter: “Wait… the election is today?! Thank you!”

    Obama-Careless, Part 2

    | MO, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Health & Body, Politics

    Me: “This is medical records. How can I help you?”

    Patient’s Girlfriend: “My man was in the ER yesterday and we need to know what’s wrong with him.”

    Me: “Okay. He just needs to fill out a release of information. I can fax one to you, or mail one to you, or you can come in, whichever is easiest for you.”

    Patient’s Girlfriend: “You can’t just tell me?”

    Me: “No, ma’am, I’m sorry. That’s against HIPAA regulation.”

    Patient’s Girlfriend: “He’s too sick to come in! And we don’t have no fax.”

    Me: “Then you can come in, pick up a release, and then take it back to have him fill it out authorizing his records to be released to you. When you can come back we can give you his records.”

    Patient’s Girlfriend: “I don’t have a driver’s license! He doesn’t have one either. This is bulls***!”

    (Meanwhile, I can hear the patient in the background, shouting about how he’s ‘paying for HIPAA’ and how everything is Obama’s fault before he finally takes the phone from the girl.)

    Patient: “You look here. I f****** need to know now! I’m really f****** sick and I need to know what’s f****** wrong with me! I’ll come get you when I die!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir. I really can’t release information over the phone. If you’re seeing a doctor who needs to know what you were seen for in the ER, they can contact us and we can send them the records directly.”

    Patient: “I’m not seeing no f****** doctor. I don’t have no ‘Obamacare.’ I just wanna know what’s wrong with me!”

    Me: *giving up* “Would you like to speak to my director?

    Patient: “D*** yes, I’ll speak to your director! I’ll send Obama after you!”

    (I attempt to transfer the call to my director. It rings through to her voicemail so I go ahead and transfer him so he can leave a message. After hanging up, I stare at the phone for a few minutes before turning to my coworker next to me.)

    Me: “That might be the most occurrences of the f-word I’ve ever heard in five minutes.”

    (Ten minutes later, a coworker from another part of the office comes in.)

    Coworker #2: “Um, there’s a patient on the phone who’s really upset. He says he needs his records right now.”

    Coworker #1: “Is he saying the f-word a lot?”

    (Coworker #2 nods and Coworker #1 sighs.)

    Coworker #1: “Tell him to see if maybe one of the doctors or nurses who treated him will talk to him and transfer him to the ER.”

    (Five minutes later Coworker #1′s phone rings.)

    Coworker #1: “Thank you for calling… What? Oh, good grief. I think we just talked to him, but go ahead and put him through. Health Information Management. How can I help you? Mmhm. No, I can’t give you any information over the phone. All right. I’ll hold, but I can’t break the law for him, either.

    (My coworker hangs up the phone and catches my curious look.)

    Coworker #1: “He told me he was going to transfer me to the White House so I could talk to Obama. When I said I’d hold, he muttered something about his stupid smartphone, and then told me to f*** off and hung up.”

    Related:
    Obama-Careless

    Obama And Aliens And Popes, Oh My

    | VA, USA | Bizarre, Politics

    (I am starting to shut down my food cart. It has a ‘Now Hiring’ sign, which lists the wages. A man in his 40s walks up to take a food sample.)

    Customer: “You know, if you lived in North Dakota you could get an easier job at $15/hour.”

    Me: “Uh, that’s nice.”

    Customer: “But that’ll change when Obama takes over the country. The wages will drop then.”

    Me: “… That’s okay. I’m actually planning on moving to Canada in the next couple of years.”

    Customer: *suspicious look* “Canada… You know who I’d trust to run my health care?”

    Me: “No?”

    Customer: “You. But I wouldn’t trust the Government. They’re shady.

    Me: “Yeah. The government does seem to hide a lot from us.”

    Customer: “It’s all because of Israel and The Vatican, anyway. Have you heard of the Jesuits?”

    Me: “… Kind of?”

    Customer: “Well, the black pope is running the Vatican from Jerusalem. See, he thinks the Ark of the Covenant is there. That’s why he wants to sit atop it and rule the world from there. He’s the one who’s actually in control of the Vatican, and running the USA.”

    Me: “…”

    Customer: “That’s why the USA likes Israel so much! It’s all because the Vatican is baptizing aliens.”

    Me: “Aliens like… foreigners?”

    Customer: “No, aliens! You know… The greys, the lizard people…”

    Me: “…”

    Customer: “Anyway, Obama. His name isn’t even Barack. He grew up in Indonesia, and people called him ‘Barry.’”

    Me: “Well, Mitt Romney’s first name is actually Willard, which is worse in my opinion.”

    Customer: “Hmm… That’s true…” *gives thoughtful suspicious look, as if he’s now distrustful of Romney*

    Me: *coughs*

    Customer: “Anyway. North Dakota. Think about it.” *walks off*

    Needs To Work On His Socialist Skills, Part 3

    | Twin Cities, MN, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Politics

    (I am a cashier at a dollar store. Lately, we’ve been collecting school supplies for a charity that donates them to military families. As such, we have to ask customers if they would like to purchase an item for this charity.)

    Me: “Would you also be interested in purchasing an item for [Charity] today?”

    Man: “What is that? Some sort of communist youth organization?”

    Me: *dumbfounded* “Uhm, no, sir. It donates school supplies to military families with children.”

    Man: “Well, same thing right?”

    (I stand there for a few seconds, just silently blinking and staring at him.)

    Me: “…no, sir. Not even close.”

    Related:
    Needs To Work On His Socialist Skills, Part 2
    Needs To Work On His Socialist Skills

    This Is How Democracy Dies

    | Farmington, UT, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Politics

    (I work in an election office. It’s the afternoon on Election Day, and we’ve been in a call center since 6 am, telling citizens where their designated polling place is and explaining how closed primaries work. The phone rings.)

    Me: “Hello, county elections, how may I help you?”

    Citizen: “I’ve been to three different polling places today, and they all say I’m in the wrong place!”

    Me: “Can I have your name? I’ll look up your polling place for you.”

    (The citizen gives their name.)

    Me: “It looks like your polling place is [Elementary School].”

    Citizen: “I’ve already been to three other places! How was I supposed to know that’s where my polling place was?”

    Me: “Well, we sent you a card a few weeks ago with your polling place on it. It should also be on the voter card that was mailed when you registered to vote at your address.”

    Citizen: “I have three kids! I don’t have time to read my mail!”

    Me: “In addition, we’ve listed all the polling places in the local paper for the last two weeks, and you could look up your polling place online at [website]. We’ve also had pamphlets at the local library. Or you could have called this number before you went to three different polling places.”

    Citizen: “That’s unacceptable! I want someone to come to my house on the morning of election day with a van and say, ‘Mrs. [Name], this is where you vote!’”

    Me: “Uh…”

    (And that’s how democracy dies.)


    Page 2/812345...Last