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    Category: Politics

    Like a little more satirical meat on your humor sandwich? Ever wonder what very stupid customers view as topical? Even worse, see what happens when these people decide they want to vote! Don’t blame the state of the world on the government, blame it on them!

    Racism Needs To Check Out

    | TX, USA | At The Checkout, Bigotry, Politics

    (I’m a cashier on an extremely hot Saturday afternoon in the bowels of Texas. I am bagging a customer’s goods.)

    Customer: “You’re doing it wrong!”

    Me: “Oh, so sorry! I’ll put these in a separate bag if you like.”

    Customer: “God, you let one of them become president and the rest of you quit trying.”

    Me: *biting my tongue* “Do you need help getting these into the cart, ma’am?”

    Customer: “What color are you, anyway?”

    (I hit the switch on the lights and called my manager over, who promptly checked the woman out. The customer vowed to visit the ‘white’ store next time.)

    The American Way Is Closed

    | Portland, OR, USA | Bizarre, Politics

    (It’s store policy to have employees in the store 30 minutes before opening and 45 – 60 minutes after close to prep, clean, etc. We closed about 10 minutes ago and I am mopping the eating area. A customer bangs on the door. We’re required to interact with customers, even after close, so I go and crack the door open.)

    Customer: “What the h***? I need a coffee. Let me in.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir. We closed 10 minutes ago. All of our coffee has been dumped and the machines are going through a cleaning cycle.”

    Customer: “What? What are you doing here then?”

    Me: “We have to clean the store and set up for tomorrow morning after close every night.”

    Customer: “Seriously? They make you stay after close?”

    Me: “Well, yes. We can’t clean the equipment while serving customers.”

    Customer: “That’s monstrous! That’s slave labor!! I’m writing corporate about this!”

    Me: “Sir, they still pay us… it’s standard procedure.”

    Customer: “It’s horrible! I’m so sorry! This isn’t the American way!”

    (He leaves, then, still mumbling about the ‘atrocity’ of our situation.)

    A Sad Sign Of The Times

    | Houston, TX, USA | Extra Stupid, Politics, Transportation

    (I walk into the local shipping store to drop off a package. There is a senior couple in front of me. I overheard the last part of the conversation between the wife and the employee.)

    Wife: “So, you’re telling me that this store doesn’t have that promotion?”

    Employee: “No, I’m sorry. We’re privately owned, so we’re not carrying out the promotion.”

    Wife: “Well, you should have signs here telling me that!”

    Employee: “Yeah, I’m sorry…”

    Wife: *walks towards the exit while her husband slowly follows her behind him* “This is the seventh store I’ve been to that doesn’t have the promotion. Liars. They’re all LIARS! Just like OBAMA! He’s a LIAR! OBAMA! LIAR!”

    Husband: *looks at me and shrugs, embarrassed*

    Big Brother Is A Big Bother

    | FL, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Politics, Technology

    (Our company sells high-tech gadgets for use with RC planes and helicopters, such as GPS locators and infrared sensors.)

    Customer: “Hello. I’m trying to order your GPS unit, but I don’t want to put my credit card number online.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but I don’t have a way to take a credit card order over the phone. The only thing I could do is bring up the website and enter it there myself.”

    Customer: “Well, I’m not putting my credit card number out on the Internet!”

    Me: “Sir, I can assure you that entering your credit card information on our encrypted website is much more secure than reading it off to me over the telephone. But we also take PayPal, if you don’t want to involve your credit card at all.”

    Customer: *grumbling* “Okay.” *hangs up*

    Coworker: *overhearing the conversation* “Did someone have a security issue with the website?”

    Me: “No, he just wants military satellites to be able to track his model airplane’s precise location… but he’s afraid of e-commerce.”

    Making A Bad Impression

    , | Japan | Crazy Requests, Military, Politics

    (I am the operations manager of an overseas military TV and radio station. In place of regular commercials, we run locally-made information spots. We get feedback through an email system, mostly complaints about stuff out of our control, such as TV shows and music selections. A few months ago, we got an email from an irate listener complaining about a radio spot advertising the base library, where one of the producers did an imitation of former President George W. Bush. He was livid about the disrespect to our former Commander-In-Chief. I responded professionally, explaining we often use humor in our spots to make the information memorable, and the impression was fairly innocuous. He kept emailing back more irate, insulting military broadcasters, questioning our patriotism, accusing us of communism, etc. Finally, he came to our station to personally confront me. The following exchange occurred in our lobby.)

    Irate Marine: “Your excuses are just that! The ‘humor’ of that imitation is offensive and disrespectful! How dare you demean the former president!”

    Me: “Well, he didn’t seem to think so.”

    Irate Marine: “… What?”

    Me: *points to framed picture on the wall* “See that?”

    (It’s George W. Bush in our production room laughing with a young Marine.)

    Irate Marine: “He came here?”

    Me: “Years ago, I’m told. See that Marine in the photo? He’s the one who voiced and produced that spot. That photo was taken while he was playing the commercial for The President. He apparently has a better sense of humor about himself than you do.”

    Irate Marine: *walks out the door, mumbling* “Well, it’s STILL disrespectful!”

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