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    Category: Politics

    Like a little more satirical meat on your humor sandwich? Ever wonder what very stupid customers view as topical? Even worse, see what happens when these people decide they want to vote! Don’t blame the state of the world on the government, blame it on them!

    Big Brother Is A Big Bother

    | FL, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Politics, Technology

    (Our company sells high-tech gadgets for use with RC planes and helicopters, such as GPS locators and infrared sensors.)

    Customer: “Hello. I’m trying to order your GPS unit, but I don’t want to put my credit card number online.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but I don’t have a way to take a credit card order over the phone. The only thing I could do is bring up the website and enter it there myself.”

    Customer: “Well, I’m not putting my credit card number out on the Internet!”

    Me: “Sir, I can assure you that entering your credit card information on our encrypted website is much more secure than reading it off to me over the telephone. But we also take PayPal, if you don’t want to involve your credit card at all.”

    Customer: *grumbling* “Okay.” *hangs up*

    Coworker: *overhearing the conversation* “Did someone have a security issue with the website?”

    Me: “No, he just wants military satellites to be able to track his model airplane’s precise location… but he’s afraid of e-commerce.”

    Making A Bad Impression

    , | Japan | Crazy Requests, Military, Politics

    (I am the operations manager of an overseas military TV and radio station. In place of regular commercials, we run locally-made information spots. We get feedback through an email system, mostly complaints about stuff out of our control, such as TV shows and music selections. A few months ago, we got an email from an irate listener complaining about a radio spot advertising the base library, where one of the producers did an imitation of former President George W. Bush. He was livid about the disrespect to our former Commander-In-Chief. I responded professionally, explaining we often use humor in our spots to make the information memorable, and the impression was fairly innocuous. He kept emailing back more irate, insulting military broadcasters, questioning our patriotism, accusing us of communism, etc. Finally, he came to our station to personally confront me. The following exchange occurred in our lobby.)

    Irate Marine: “Your excuses are just that! The ‘humor’ of that imitation is offensive and disrespectful! How dare you demean the former president!”

    Me: “Well, he didn’t seem to think so.”

    Irate Marine: “… What?”

    Me: *points to framed picture on the wall* “See that?”

    (It’s George W. Bush in our production room laughing with a young Marine.)

    Irate Marine: “He came here?”

    Me: “Years ago, I’m told. See that Marine in the photo? He’s the one who voiced and produced that spot. That photo was taken while he was playing the commercial for The President. He apparently has a better sense of humor about himself than you do.”

    Irate Marine: *walks out the door, mumbling* “Well, it’s STILL disrespectful!”

    That Price Is Politically Incorrect

    | Los Angeles, CA, USA | Food & Drink, Politics

    (I am working the concessions stand at a movie theater in a very affluent neighborhood, in early 2009.)

    Customer: “How much for a small popcorn?”

    Me: “$5.50.”

    Customer: “THAT much? Wow. Well, that’s what we get for electing Obama.”

    Me: “I was unaware that the President of the United States took time out of his schedule to set popcorn prices.”

    (I’ve been back to this theater recently and prices have actually gone up. THANKS, OBAMA!)

    Electing Key Information

    , | Tempe, AZ, USA | Extra Stupid, Politics

    (I’m volunteering to make phone calls on Election Day for a political campaign.)

    Me: “Hello. This is [My Name) with [Campaign]. I’m calling to make sure—”

    Voter: “Why the h*** do you call people like this?! I’m sick of it.”

    Me: “Well, I’m sorry, sir. I just want to—”

    Voter: “Seriously, don’t you think people are smart enough to do their own research? Everyone knows there is an election going on! There is no reason to bother people like this!”

    Me: “Again, I’m sorry to bother you, sir. I just wanted to make sure you had a chance to vote today.”

    Voter: “Wait… the election is today?! Thank you!”

    Obama-Careless, Part 2

    | MO, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Health & Body, Politics

    Me: “This is medical records. How can I help you?”

    Patient’s Girlfriend: “My man was in the ER yesterday and we need to know what’s wrong with him.”

    Me: “Okay. He just needs to fill out a release of information. I can fax one to you, or mail one to you, or you can come in, whichever is easiest for you.”

    Patient’s Girlfriend: “You can’t just tell me?”

    Me: “No, ma’am, I’m sorry. That’s against HIPAA regulation.”

    Patient’s Girlfriend: “He’s too sick to come in! And we don’t have no fax.”

    Me: “Then you can come in, pick up a release, and then take it back to have him fill it out authorizing his records to be released to you. When you can come back we can give you his records.”

    Patient’s Girlfriend: “I don’t have a driver’s license! He doesn’t have one either. This is bulls***!”

    (Meanwhile, I can hear the patient in the background, shouting about how he’s ‘paying for HIPAA’ and how everything is Obama’s fault before he finally takes the phone from the girl.)

    Patient: “You look here. I f****** need to know now! I’m really f****** sick and I need to know what’s f****** wrong with me! I’ll come get you when I die!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir. I really can’t release information over the phone. If you’re seeing a doctor who needs to know what you were seen for in the ER, they can contact us and we can send them the records directly.”

    Patient: “I’m not seeing no f****** doctor. I don’t have no ‘Obamacare.’ I just wanna know what’s wrong with me!”

    Me: *giving up* “Would you like to speak to my director?

    Patient: “D*** yes, I’ll speak to your director! I’ll send Obama after you!”

    (I attempt to transfer the call to my director. It rings through to her voicemail so I go ahead and transfer him so he can leave a message. After hanging up, I stare at the phone for a few minutes before turning to my coworker next to me.)

    Me: “That might be the most occurrences of the f-word I’ve ever heard in five minutes.”

    (Ten minutes later, a coworker from another part of the office comes in.)

    Coworker #2: “Um, there’s a patient on the phone who’s really upset. He says he needs his records right now.”

    Coworker #1: “Is he saying the f-word a lot?”

    (Coworker #2 nods and Coworker #1 sighs.)

    Coworker #1: “Tell him to see if maybe one of the doctors or nurses who treated him will talk to him and transfer him to the ER.”

    (Five minutes later Coworker #1′s phone rings.)

    Coworker #1: “Thank you for calling… What? Oh, good grief. I think we just talked to him, but go ahead and put him through. Health Information Management. How can I help you? Mmhm. No, I can’t give you any information over the phone. All right. I’ll hold, but I can’t break the law for him, either.

    (My coworker hangs up the phone and catches my curious look.)

    Coworker #1: “He told me he was going to transfer me to the White House so I could talk to Obama. When I said I’d hold, he muttered something about his stupid smartphone, and then told me to f*** off and hung up.”

    Related:
    Obama-Careless

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