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  • Making False Bald Statements
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  • February Theme Of The Month: Hazardous Customers!
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    Category: Politics

    Like a little more satirical meat on your humor sandwich? Ever wonder what very stupid customers view as topical? Even worse, see what happens when these people decide they want to vote! Don’t blame the state of the world on the government, blame it on them!

    Fickle Over A Nickel

    | ON, Canada | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Money, Politics

    (I have just completed a transaction with an otherwise calm customer. My city is right across the border from a major American city, and this customer has paid with American currency. Here, we have phased out the penny, and transactions either round up or down to the next .05 or .10.)

    Me: “That will be $6.30, please.”

    Customer: “But the screen says $6.27!”

    Me: “Yes, but we do rounding here. 27 cents rounds up to 30.”

    Customer: “Well that’s just ridiculous! I demand to see your manager! You’re trying to short change me! I know the tricks.”

    Me: “Sir, it’s just three cents—”

    Customer: “GET ME YOUR MANAGER!”

    (My manager, having heard all this, steps in.)

    Manager: “Sir, I’m going to have to ask you to calm down. My worker here is not trying to short change you, nor is she lying to you.”

    Customer: “I want a refund!”

    Me: “You didn’t even pay yet.”

    (I glance at the money still in this hand.)

    Customer: *flustered* “Well, good! I didn’t want you taking my money anyways!”

    (He left in a huff, muttering about ‘foreign commies out to get his money.’)

    This Is Not What A Feminist Looks Like

    | Dayton, OH, USA | Bizarre, Books & Reading, Language & Words, Politics

    (A woman approaches me at the counter, looking over her shoulder as if she is looking out for someone.)

    Me: “Can I… help you, ma’am?”

    Woman: “Yes, um, I was wondering if you had any books about…” *drops her voice to an urgent whisper* “… the ‘F’ word.”

    Me: “Well, um, we have the ‘Kama Sutra’ in our world cultures section and our romance novel and erotica are—”

    Woman: “No, no! The other ‘F’-word.”

    Me: *thoroughly confused* “I’m afraid I’m not following ,ma’am…”

    Woman: “The ‘F’-word, you know!”

    Me: “Really, ma’am, I don’t. Would you like to write it down for me to—”

    Woman: “FOR CHRIST’S SAKE! FEMINISM! I’m looking for a book on feminism! Now the whole store knows my business! THANK YOU!”

    (She proceeds to quickly flee the store, apologizing to other patrons as she leaves.)

    Next Customer: “Is she going to be all right?”

    Me: “I certainly hope so.”

    Plenty Of (Full) Room To Hone Your Skills

    | USA | Crazy Requests, Hotels & Lodging, Politics

    (I enter the lobby of a hotel I’m staying at to find the receptionist face to face with a very red-faced woman.)

    Woman: “Look, stop with the bull about being full! I KNOW you always have a few rooms that you keep open for emergencies!”

    Receptionist: “Ma’am, while I am sincerely sorry, we are located at the hub of a major metropolitan area that draws over three million tourists per year. Typically we get reservations non-stop from Memorial Day to Labor Day. If we were to examine this from a logical and an economic perspective, wouldn’t it make more sense to give every room we have to those who wish to reserve them, rather than keep one or two open and thus deny ourselves the profit from them?”

    (The lady gawks and sputters, turning redder by the second.)

    Woman: “Well… what if President Obama came in and asked for a room, huh? What if one of his family came in? Would you turn them away?”

    Receptionist: “Yes, we would.”

    Woman: “Exactly! So why can’t you… wait… what?”

    Receptionist: “With all due respect, Ma’am, the President would have the sense to plan ahead so neither he nor his family would need to ask for a room. What’s more he doesn’t stay at this hotel when he comes to the area; he stays at [other hotel].”

    Woman: “But…”

    Receptionist: “FURTHERMORE, I don’t think the President would want the bad publicity from asking us to throw someone out of their room so he could take it. Therefore, why should we do that for you?”

    (The woman sputters some more, then finally just screams, loud enough that I have to cover my ears, and runs out the door to her car.)

    Receptionist: “I apologize that you had to be witness to that, sir.”

    Me: “I… uh… no, I think the apologies should go to you, as well as the congratulations for the way you handled that. Never seen someone get driven away by the force of logic.”

    Receptionist: “Yeah, well, don’t be too impressed. I’m only able to do that because I’ve had plenty of customers just like her to hone my skills on.”

    A Bush In The Fridge Is Worth Two In The Bush

    | Oslo, Norway | Bizarre, Home Improvement, Politics

    (I work in the customer service desk at a large store selling domestic appliances. This day one of my ‘regulars’ came in. He’s a really old man – and he seldom files complaints, he just wants to know how his stuff is working, and maybe have a chat.)

    Me: “Hello. How may I help you today?”

    Customer: *whispering* “There was something wrong with delivery of my fridge. It came with something in it.”

    (I pull up his records, and see that he bought one of our display models earlier that week. It’s not seldom other customers leave soda bottles or other stuff in the fridges that’s out on the floor, and I immediately think that is the case.)

    Me: “Well, I’m really sorry, sir. But may I ask, exactly what was inside the fridge?”

    Customer: *still whispering* “George W. Bush.”

    Me: “Excuse me? What?”

    Customer: “The American ex-president. The younger one! He was in my fridge and now he’s on my living room floor, all tied up and ready to be shipped back.”

    Me: “Shipped back?”

    Customer: “Oh, don’t worry; I’m not going to have YOU do that, poor thing. I’ve called FedEx. I just wanted to let you know. ”

    Me: *not really knowing what I can do, other than play along* “Well, thank you then, sir. And sorry for your trouble. Is the fridge working okay, though?”

    Customer: “Oh yeah, it’s totally fine! But you should really stop selling appliances with republicans in them. Could hurt your business.”

    Gunning For That Sale

    | USA | Bad Behavior, Criminal/Illegal, Politics

    (I have been working with this customer for a little over an hour and a half. He picks out his rifle, ammo, cleaning kit, scope – the whole nine yards. I am excited because we get commission on what we sell. We finally get to the point where we fill out paperwork, background check, etc.)

    Me: “Okay, sir. Now that we have everything ready, if you can, please let me see your ID so we can get the paperwork started?”

    Customer: “No, I don’t need to do paperwork.”

    Me: *thinking he’s joking, I laugh*

    (Awkward silence.)

    Customer: “So… are you gonna ring me up?”

    Me: “You need to fill out the paperwork so I can perform a background check first.”

    Customer: “Look, I’m a police officer. I don’t need to do the paperwork.”

    Me: “Uh, yes, you do. Everyone needs to do paperwork for a firearm purchase, even the president.”

    Customer: “I don’t give a s*** about the president. Now, are you going to sell me the rifle or not?”

    Me: “Are you going to fill out the paperwork?”

    Customer: “Nope. *turns and leaves*

    Me: *screams internally*

    (He came back the next day trying to buy the same rifle but with another employee. I told him the story from the day before. He told the customer to leave. Never saw him again.)

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