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  • Talking At-At Cross Purposes
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    Category: Musical Mayhem

    Music Stores, Concerts, Orchestra’s, none are safe from the stupidity of our very wrong customers, examples such as those searching for live recordings of Beethoven himself, to others who believe listening to Taylor Swift means you’re musically talented.

    Stiff Upper Lip Vs The American Quip

    | UK | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests, Musical Mayhem

    (I work in a small independent music shop in the UK. Although our shelf space is limited, we have a pretty good reputation, because of the musical knowledge of our staff and our ability to source and order some really obscure CDs.)

    Customer: “Do you have [certain CD] in stock?”

    Me: “I’m afraid that we don’t have it at the moment.”

    (I quickly checking our database, I find that we’ve never had any requests for it until today.)

    Me: “I can source it for you. Would you like to place an order?”

    Customer: “I need it today. I’m going back to the States tomorrow.”

    Me: “I’m sorry; the suppliers of this disc usually take a couple of days to get things to us.”

    Customer: *looking hugely put out* “Well, can you send it to San Francisco?”

    Me: “Yes, that should be fine.”

    Customer: “I guess you’ll drop the shipping costs, seeing how you didn’t have it in stock when I asked.”

    Me: “I’m afraid that isn’t policy in this shop. We don’t pretend to be able to keep in stock any CD our customers might ask for, after all. But if you—”

    Customer: “Oh, yes, I know what this is. This is Britain muddling through, isn’t it? Just sixty years ago, you won the war; now you can’t even keep a CD in stock.”

    Me: “I’m sorry; we’re only a very small shop, and there’s a lot of CDs—”

    Customer: “Oh, yes, my friend said you’d try to make excuses, and she’s a Professor, you know. But look!” *holding up three CDs she’d like to buy* “I’m keeping you in business! Britain, muddling through!”

    Never Too Old To Spice Up Your Life

    | NS, Canada | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Food & Drink, Musical Mayhem, Top

    (At work, a regular elderly customer, whom everyone gets along with, approaches the counter at his turn.)

    Me: “Hello! What can I get for you?”

    Regular Customer: *singing* “I’ll tell you what I want, what I really, really want!”

    Me: “So tell me what you want, what you really, really want!”

    Regular Customer: “I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna medium double cream, and a sugar twin, ahhhhh!”

    (While we are singing and having a good time, I am ringing him in. However, the next person in line reaches the counter at the last little bit of his song-order and speaks out loudly.)

    Next Customer: “Hey! I’m in a hurry here, take your song and dance somewhere else, buddy!”

    Regular Customer: “Sonny, when you reach my age, you’ll have all kinds of time on your hands to sing all the Spice Girls music you want, and no one will stop you!” *turns back to me* “And, honey, you look like that Posh one, and she’s my favorite. Don’t ever let a guy like him be your lover, or get with your friends!”

    (With that, he left, leaving the next customer standing there with his mouth agape, and me feeling quite happy! He made my day with the singing alone.)

    A Weebly Weird Conversation

    , , | ON, Canada | Bizarre, Food & Drink, Musical Mayhem

    (I am waiting in line at a fast food restaurant. The couple behind me, who looks to be in their late twenties, are discussing their orders.)

    Guy: “Have you tried the bacon, mushroom and Swiss cheese burger?”

    Girl: “Yeah, it wasn’t bad, but I’m not a huge fan of mushrooms.”

    Guy: *starts singing super quietly* “Mushroom! Mushroom!”

    Girl: *also super quietly* “It’s a snake! A snaaaaaake! A snaaaaake!”

    Both: “Badger, badger, badger, badger, badger, badger, badger, badger!”

    (They then go back to their conversation about various menu items, completely normal.)

    One Word Republic

    | Bartlett, TN, USA | Bad Behavior, Language & Words, Musical Mayhem

    (I work at a well-known music store. A customer in his mid-40′s approaches my register.)

    Customer: “Hi, I’m looking for a CD for my daughter for her birthday by ‘One Republic’. I forgot which CD the song it is on. It goes like this: ‘it’s too late tapollagize, it’s too late’.”

    Me: “I think you mean ‘to apologize’, sir. But right over here, please follow me.”

    (I pick up the CD ‘Dreaming Out Loud’ and hand it to the man.)

    Customer: “No, no, no! This can’t be it.”

    Me: “I assure you this is the CD with the song ‘Apologize’ on it, sir.”

    Customer: “Are you stupid?! This can’t be it! ‘IT’S TOO LATE TAPOLLAGIZE!’”

    (I was eventually able to convince him he was wrong, but he still left the store without buying the CD.)

    Loves Listening To The Sound Of His Master’s Voice

    | London, England, UK | Bad Behavior, Musical Mayhem, Theme Of The Month

    (This particular music and entertainment retailer has just entered administration, meaning that all branches face closure and employees may lose their jobs. This has just been announced and there is a lot of press surrounding this. Stores remain open until the company either finds a buyer, or completely folds. Employees are in a state of limbo, waiting for news. I am a customer waiting in one of the smaller branches to pay when I overhear this exchange.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, I need to find this CD and you don’t have it.”

    Cashier: “I can look it up on the system, tell you if any other stores have it. At the moment I can’t order you a copy as our ordering services has been frozen.”

    Customer: “I refuse to go anywhere else. I need this CD right now. It was released in 1987. How can you not have it in stock?”

    Cashier: “We may have it in stock. Please give me the name of the artist and I will have a look. Please bear in mind we are a small branch so only carry limited stock.”

    Customer: “That’s not good enough. You have everything. I need this CD.”

    Cashier: “Sir, please tell me the name of the CD and I’ll see what I can find.”

    Customer: “You are absolutely useless. Why can’t you just tell me if you have it? Why don’t you have it? No wonder this company is in crisis.”

    Cashier: “Sir, I can’t search if you don’t tell me what you are looking for. Please tell me the artist’s name.”

    Customer: *suddenly screaming* “IT’S ALL YOUR FAULT THIS COMPANY IS GOING UNDER. YOU DESERVE TO LOSE YOUR JOB. YOU ARE A USELESS PIECE OF S***!”

    (The customer storms out. The cashier looks thoroughly upset. Thankfully, the next few people in the queue all approach the counter with a smile and a kind word. The regulars among us do not want to see this store close.)

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