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    Category: Musical Mayhem

    Music Stores, Concerts, Orchestra’s, none are safe from the stupidity of our very wrong customers, examples such as those searching for live recordings of Beethoven himself, to others who believe listening to Taylor Swift means you’re musically talented.

    Harping On

    | CA, USA | Extra Stupid, Musical Mayhem, Wild & Unruly

    (I’m working at a high school orchestra concert when the fire alarms go off. As we evacuate the building, I come across a gentleman in the hall trying to get the harp onto a harp-tow.)

    Me: “I’m sorry sir, but you need to leave the hall. We’re evacuating the building.”

    Gentleman: “I need to get my daughter’s harp out first.”

    Me: “Sir, you need to evacuate.”

    Gentleman: “I don’t expect you to understand, but this harp is important and expensive, so why don’t you worry about your pretty little self, while I worry about more important things?”

    Me: “Sir, you have a choice: you can either leave on your own, or you can leave in handcuffs. I will have you arrested.”

    Gentleman: “I said I’m not leaving with out the harp; get it through your stupid head!”

    (A police officer has entered the hall to let me know that the fire department is on their way and that the building is clear except me and this gentleman.)

    Police officer: “Problem, [my name]?”

    Gentleman: “Yeah, I’m trying to get this harp out of here, and she’s in my way!”

    Police Officer: “Aw, that’s too bad. Guess you have to leave with out it. You can leave with me, if you’d like. I’ve got some nice handcuffs.”

    (His eyes widen and he bolts from the hall.)

    Police Officer: “Well, that’s a shame. Anyways, no fire. Fire department will reset the alarm as soon as they get here.”

    (The gentleman’s wife ends up coming in for the harp about 25 minutes later. Surprisingly, she sides with us.)

    Gentleman’s Wife: “My husband was an idiot. Thanks to you and your coworkers for a job well done… you should have had him arrested anyway!”

    Stiff Upper Lip Vs The American Quip

    | UK | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests, Musical Mayhem

    (I work in a small independent music shop in the UK. Although our shelf space is limited, we have a pretty good reputation, because of the musical knowledge of our staff and our ability to source and order some really obscure CDs.)

    Customer: “Do you have [certain CD] in stock?”

    Me: “I’m afraid that we don’t have it at the moment.”

    (I quickly checking our database, I find that we’ve never had any requests for it until today.)

    Me: “I can source it for you. Would you like to place an order?”

    Customer: “I need it today. I’m going back to the States tomorrow.”

    Me: “I’m sorry; the suppliers of this disc usually take a couple of days to get things to us.”

    Customer: *looking hugely put out* “Well, can you send it to San Francisco?”

    Me: “Yes, that should be fine.”

    Customer: “I guess you’ll drop the shipping costs, seeing how you didn’t have it in stock when I asked.”

    Me: “I’m afraid that isn’t policy in this shop. We don’t pretend to be able to keep in stock any CD our customers might ask for, after all. But if you—”

    Customer: “Oh, yes, I know what this is. This is Britain muddling through, isn’t it? Just sixty years ago, you won the war; now you can’t even keep a CD in stock.”

    Me: “I’m sorry; we’re only a very small shop, and there’s a lot of CDs—”

    Customer: “Oh, yes, my friend said you’d try to make excuses, and she’s a Professor, you know. But look!” *holding up three CDs she’d like to buy* “I’m keeping you in business! Britain, muddling through!”

    Never Too Old To Spice Up Your Life

    | NS, Canada | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Food & Drink, Musical Mayhem, Top

    (At work, a regular elderly customer, whom everyone gets along with, approaches the counter at his turn.)

    Me: “Hello! What can I get for you?”

    Regular Customer: *singing* “I’ll tell you what I want, what I really, really want!”

    Me: “So tell me what you want, what you really, really want!”

    Regular Customer: “I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna medium double cream, and a sugar twin, ahhhhh!”

    (While we are singing and having a good time, I am ringing him in. However, the next person in line reaches the counter at the last little bit of his song-order and speaks out loudly.)

    Next Customer: “Hey! I’m in a hurry here, take your song and dance somewhere else, buddy!”

    Regular Customer: “Sonny, when you reach my age, you’ll have all kinds of time on your hands to sing all the Spice Girls music you want, and no one will stop you!” *turns back to me* “And, honey, you look like that Posh one, and she’s my favorite. Don’t ever let a guy like him be your lover, or get with your friends!”

    (With that, he left, leaving the next customer standing there with his mouth agape, and me feeling quite happy! He made my day with the singing alone.)

    A Weebly Weird Conversation

    , , | ON, Canada | Bizarre, Food & Drink, Musical Mayhem

    (I am waiting in line at a fast food restaurant. The couple behind me, who looks to be in their late twenties, are discussing their orders.)

    Guy: “Have you tried the bacon, mushroom and Swiss cheese burger?”

    Girl: “Yeah, it wasn’t bad, but I’m not a huge fan of mushrooms.”

    Guy: *starts singing super quietly* “Mushroom! Mushroom!”

    Girl: *also super quietly* “It’s a snake! A snaaaaaake! A snaaaaake!”

    Both: “Badger, badger, badger, badger, badger, badger, badger, badger!”

    (They then go back to their conversation about various menu items, completely normal.)

    One Word Republic

    | Bartlett, TN, USA | Bad Behavior, Language & Words, Musical Mayhem

    (I work at a well-known music store. A customer in his mid-40′s approaches my register.)

    Customer: “Hi, I’m looking for a CD for my daughter for her birthday by ‘One Republic’. I forgot which CD the song it is on. It goes like this: ‘it’s too late tapollagize, it’s too late’.”

    Me: “I think you mean ‘to apologize’, sir. But right over here, please follow me.”

    (I pick up the CD ‘Dreaming Out Loud’ and hand it to the man.)

    Customer: “No, no, no! This can’t be it.”

    Me: “I assure you this is the CD with the song ‘Apologize’ on it, sir.”

    Customer: “Are you stupid?! This can’t be it! ‘IT’S TOO LATE TAPOLLAGIZE!’”

    (I was eventually able to convince him he was wrong, but he still left the store without buying the CD.)

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