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    Category: Musical Mayhem

    Music Stores, Concerts, Orchestra’s, none are safe from the stupidity of our very wrong customers, examples such as those searching for live recordings of Beethoven himself, to others who believe listening to Taylor Swift means you’re musically talented.

    Start Thinking To A Different Tune

    | Vancouver, BC, Canada | Musical Mayhem, Technology, Theme Of The Month

    (I’m showing a customer our selection of mp3 players. He is looking for two things: small and cheap. I show him an mp3 player that costs only $9.99 and is about two inches long.)

    Customer: “I don’t know about this one; it might not be right for me.”

    Me: “Is it because it’s only two gigabytes? I know that kind of capacity is a little on the smaller side, but it can still hold more than enough songs to get you through the day.”

    Customer: “No, it’s not that. It’s just that there is no screen. I can’t see if a song that I don’t like is going to come up or not.”

    Me: “Well, if this mp3 player is for your own personal use, then chances are you’re only going to put on songs that you like, right? So, I don’t think the lack of a screen will be a big deal.”

    Customer: “Wow… that is very true, actually. You just totally blew my mind, dude. Whoa, I can’t believe I didn’t think of that!”

    It Doesn’t Matter If You’re Pokémon Black Or White

    | AZ, USA | Bizarre, Criminal/Illegal, Musical Mayhem

    (A customer dressed like Michael Jackson walks into the store. He is carrying a boom-box, and an armful of Pikachu dolls. There are even more spilling out of his outfit. He is wearing a GIGANTIC rainbow Afro wig. My colleagues and I call him ‘Michael Jackson Wannabe’ (MJW). He is receiving comments from other customers.)

    Other Customer: “Hey, Michael Jackson! It isn’t Halloween!”

    (MJW says nothing. Extremely loud disco music starts playing from his boom-box. He starts dancing and moon-walking, while carrying his massive collection of dolls. Although a skilled dancer, he is more than unsettling due to his attire and massive collection of stuffed animals.)

    Me: “Dude, quit. You’re freaking everyone out.”

    (I turn down the music.)

    Michael Jackson Wannabe: “LET THE MUSIC PLAY!”

    (He turns the music all the way up again, and starts throwing his dolls at me and my coworker. I dive for cover behind the counter while my coworker calls the police. MJW is now holding his boom-box and is dancing right in front of a clearly annoyed elderly customer.)

    Elderly Customer: “FALL!”

    (The elderly customer snatches the boom-box right out of MJW’s hands, and THROWS it at him. MJW is knocked off his feet from the weight of the boom-box. The elderly customer looks over at me.)

    Elderly Customer: “Do you think I took it a little too far?”

    Me: “…yeah.”

    (The police arrive, and take both MJW and the elderly customer away in handcuffs. The next day, the elderly customer comes back. He was jailed overnight for harming MJW. The police would have kept him longer, but they were sympathetic to the fact that he did stop a guy that was disturbing the peace.)

    Elderly Customer: “Do you get a lot of weirdoes in here?”

    Me: “Like that guy dressed like Michael Jackson? No not really. When we do, they’re like him, really loopy.”

    (Surprisingly, the elderly customer gave me a $100 bill. Even better: we now sell Pokémon dolls! Thanks MJW, for introducing a new product to the store, even though you destroyed half the shop doing so.)

    Instrumental In The Decision

    | New York, NY, USA | Bad Behavior, Musical Mayhem, Top

    (A lot of the people around my area haven’t been coming to our local store, due to the competition of a well-known chain store having been built about two years earlier. A young teen customer comes into the store. The only other people here are the owner, and a customer who has been a regular for quite some time.)

    Me: “Hello! How may I help you today?”

    (The teen customer is obviously quite shy, perhaps shopping alone for the first time.)

    Teen Customer: “Uh… I was looking for a specific model? It’s a Squier, if I remember…”

    (Before I can ask the teen customer which model he wants, the regular scoffs.)

    Regular Customer: “Really, kid? You broke or something? Can you not afford a real instrument? How sad that these kids can only get the cheap stuff.”

    (The teen customer obviously takes this to heart. He frowns and turns to leave the store. Before he leaves, the owner of the shop places his hand on his shoulder. He then glares at the regular.)

    Owner: “Wow, really, [Regular Customer]? That’s how you’re going to treat one of my customers? Listen, I know you’ve been coming here for over 20 years now, but the day I let you speak to anyone who steps into this store the way you just did, is the day hell freezes over! So what if he wants one of the cheaper models? We’ve all got to start somewhere; let the kid choose what he wants! Being a regular does not make you king of my store!”

    Regular Customer: “What are you going to do about it, kick me out? Like you’d ever do that!”

    (Without even a moment of hesitation, my boss walks over to the regular and escorts him out. The teen customer looks over at me, his jaw drops.)

    Teen Customer: “Did that really just happen?”

    Me: “I have no idea, little dude.”

    (About a minute later, the owner strolls back in casually, and smiles at the teen customer.)

    Owner: “Now, what can I get for ya’, kiddo?”

    (The teen customer’s face lights up as he excitedly informs us of the exact model he wants. He tells us that he has saved up all the money that he’s gotten for doing chores around the house for over a year, just to buy the guitar. My boss throws in some strings and picks for the kid too! I love this job, and my boss!)

    Let’s Not Do This One More Time

    | Austin, TX, USA | Bizarre, Musical Mayhem

    (We have a large flying saucer in the children’s play area. A respectable looking customer comes over to me as I’m stocking shelves nearby.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, why is that flying saucer there?”

    Me: “Oh, we have that there for the kids to play in while their parents shop.”

    Customer: “No, I mean what is it doing on the ground?”

    Me: “I’m sorry?”

    Customer: “Well it’s not called a flying saucer for nothing; it should be flying!”

    Me: “Well, I—”

    Customer: *singing* “Starships were meant to flyyyyyyy!”

    Bohemian Medicine

    | NV, USA | Awesome Customers, Bizarre, Health & Body, Musical Mayhem, Top

    (I work as a receptionist in a doctor’s office. There are about 10 people who have been waiting for at least 90 minutes. It’s very quiet. A young man mumbles something. Some people look his way, but other than that no one pays much attention to him. He then starts singing, a little louder…)

    Young Man: “Put a gun against his head…”

    (Some people chuckle.)

    Young Man: “Pulled my trigger…”

    (The young woman sitting across from him joins in.)

    Young Woman: “…now he’s dead.”

    Old Man: “Mama, life had just begun…”

    Young man: “But now I’ve gone and thrown it all awaaaay…”

    All Three: “Mama, oooooooh! Didn’t mean to make you cry!”

    Teenage Girl: “If I’m not back again this time tomorrow…”

    All: “…carry on, carry on, as if nothing really matters!”

    (By now, everyone in the waiting room has joined in.)

    All: “Too late, my time has come! Send shivers down my spine, body’s achin’ all the time!”

    (They finish the refrain just as the doctor calls his next patient. Needless to say, that little impromptu performance really brightened my day!)

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