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    Category: Musical Mayhem

    Music Stores, Concerts, Orchestra’s, none are safe from the stupidity of our very wrong customers, examples such as those searching for live recordings of Beethoven himself, to others who believe listening to Taylor Swift means you’re musically talented.

    Instrumental In The Decision

    | New York, NY, USA | Bad Behavior, Musical Mayhem, Top

    (A lot of the people around my area haven’t been coming to our local store, due to the competition of a well-known chain store having been built about two years earlier. A young teen customer comes into the store. The only other people here are the owner, and a customer who has been a regular for quite some time.)

    Me: “Hello! How may I help you today?”

    (The teen customer is obviously quite shy, perhaps shopping alone for the first time.)

    Teen Customer: “Uh… I was looking for a specific model? It’s a Squier, if I remember…”

    (Before I can ask the teen customer which model he wants, the regular scoffs.)

    Regular Customer: “Really, kid? You broke or something? Can you not afford a real instrument? How sad that these kids can only get the cheap stuff.”

    (The teen customer obviously takes this to heart. He frowns and turns to leave the store. Before he leaves, the owner of the shop places his hand on his shoulder. He then glares at the regular.)

    Owner: “Wow, really, [Regular Customer]? That’s how you’re going to treat one of my customers? Listen, I know you’ve been coming here for over 20 years now, but the day I let you speak to anyone who steps into this store the way you just did, is the day hell freezes over! So what if he wants one of the cheaper models? We’ve all got to start somewhere; let the kid choose what he wants! Being a regular does not make you king of my store!”

    Regular Customer: “What are you going to do about it, kick me out? Like you’d ever do that!”

    (Without even a moment of hesitation, my boss walks over to the regular and escorts him out. The teen customer looks over at me, his jaw drops.)

    Teen Customer: “Did that really just happen?”

    Me: “I have no idea, little dude.”

    (About a minute later, the owner strolls back in casually, and smiles at the teen customer.)

    Owner: “Now, what can I get for ya’, kiddo?”

    (The teen customer’s face lights up as he excitedly informs us of the exact model he wants. He tells us that he has saved up all the money that he’s gotten for doing chores around the house for over a year, just to buy the guitar. My boss throws in some strings and picks for the kid too! I love this job, and my boss!)

    Let’s Not Do This One More Time

    | Austin, TX, USA | Bizarre, Musical Mayhem

    (We have a large flying saucer in the children’s play area. A respectable looking customer comes over to me as I’m stocking shelves nearby.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, why is that flying saucer there?”

    Me: “Oh, we have that there for the kids to play in while their parents shop.”

    Customer: “No, I mean what is it doing on the ground?”

    Me: “I’m sorry?”

    Customer: “Well it’s not called a flying saucer for nothing; it should be flying!”

    Me: “Well, I—”

    Customer: *singing* “Starships were meant to flyyyyyyy!”

    Bohemian Medicine

    | NV, USA | Awesome Customers, Bizarre, Health & Body, Musical Mayhem, Top

    (I work as a receptionist in a doctor’s office. There are about 10 people who have been waiting for at least 90 minutes. It’s very quiet. A young man mumbles something. Some people look his way, but other than that no one pays much attention to him. He then starts singing, a little louder…)

    Young Man: “Put a gun against his head…”

    (Some people chuckle.)

    Young Man: “Pulled my trigger…”

    (The young woman sitting across from him joins in.)

    Young Woman: “…now he’s dead.”

    Old Man: “Mama, life had just begun…”

    Young man: “But now I’ve gone and thrown it all awaaaay…”

    All Three: “Mama, oooooooh! Didn’t mean to make you cry!”

    Teenage Girl: “If I’m not back again this time tomorrow…”

    All: “…carry on, carry on, as if nothing really matters!”

    (By now, everyone in the waiting room has joined in.)

    All: “Too late, my time has come! Send shivers down my spine, body’s achin’ all the time!”

    (They finish the refrain just as the doctor calls his next patient. Needless to say, that little impromptu performance really brightened my day!)

    Harping On

    | CA, USA | Extra Stupid, Musical Mayhem, Wild & Unruly

    (I’m working at a high school orchestra concert when the fire alarms go off. As we evacuate the building, I come across a gentleman in the hall trying to get the harp onto a harp-tow.)

    Me: “I’m sorry sir, but you need to leave the hall. We’re evacuating the building.”

    Gentleman: “I need to get my daughter’s harp out first.”

    Me: “Sir, you need to evacuate.”

    Gentleman: “I don’t expect you to understand, but this harp is important and expensive, so why don’t you worry about your pretty little self, while I worry about more important things?”

    Me: “Sir, you have a choice: you can either leave on your own, or you can leave in handcuffs. I will have you arrested.”

    Gentleman: “I said I’m not leaving with out the harp; get it through your stupid head!”

    (A police officer has entered the hall to let me know that the fire department is on their way and that the building is clear except me and this gentleman.)

    Police officer: “Problem, [my name]?”

    Gentleman: “Yeah, I’m trying to get this harp out of here, and she’s in my way!”

    Police Officer: “Aw, that’s too bad. Guess you have to leave with out it. You can leave with me, if you’d like. I’ve got some nice handcuffs.”

    (His eyes widen and he bolts from the hall.)

    Police Officer: “Well, that’s a shame. Anyways, no fire. Fire department will reset the alarm as soon as they get here.”

    (The gentleman’s wife ends up coming in for the harp about 25 minutes later. Surprisingly, she sides with us.)

    Gentleman’s Wife: “My husband was an idiot. Thanks to you and your coworkers for a job well done… you should have had him arrested anyway!”

    Stiff Upper Lip Vs The American Quip

    | UK | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests, Musical Mayhem

    (I work in a small independent music shop in the UK. Although our shelf space is limited, we have a pretty good reputation, because of the musical knowledge of our staff and our ability to source and order some really obscure CDs.)

    Customer: “Do you have [certain CD] in stock?”

    Me: “I’m afraid that we don’t have it at the moment.”

    (I quickly checking our database, I find that we’ve never had any requests for it until today.)

    Me: “I can source it for you. Would you like to place an order?”

    Customer: “I need it today. I’m going back to the States tomorrow.”

    Me: “I’m sorry; the suppliers of this disc usually take a couple of days to get things to us.”

    Customer: *looking hugely put out* “Well, can you send it to San Francisco?”

    Me: “Yes, that should be fine.”

    Customer: “I guess you’ll drop the shipping costs, seeing how you didn’t have it in stock when I asked.”

    Me: “I’m afraid that isn’t policy in this shop. We don’t pretend to be able to keep in stock any CD our customers might ask for, after all. But if you—”

    Customer: “Oh, yes, I know what this is. This is Britain muddling through, isn’t it? Just sixty years ago, you won the war; now you can’t even keep a CD in stock.”

    Me: “I’m sorry; we’re only a very small shop, and there’s a lot of CDs—”

    Customer: “Oh, yes, my friend said you’d try to make excuses, and she’s a Professor, you know. But look!” *holding up three CDs she’d like to buy* “I’m keeping you in business! Britain, muddling through!”

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